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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My ex is furious I broke up with her and is now sending emails

Customer Question

My ex is furious I broke up with her and is now sending emails to my friends about me. I'm scared she's going to out me to my family or send something to my clients. What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi,
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Let me ask you a question first.
What stories about you did she tell?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I had broken up with her previously after a scary situation at my house. She tried to hit me with her car when I asked her to move out. She is an alcoholic - which I didn't know with 2 DUIs. Anyway, I got back together with her and didn't want my friends to know. So she is now telling them that I was hiding from them. And, she is threatening to share confidences that I said about them to her with them. Lots of crazy. Sorry it's hard to explain.
My family isn't happy that I'm gay so we just don't talk about it and they pretend I'm straight. I'm seeing a counselor about that trying to put my own boundaries in place. So, she knows I'm struggling there too and is threatening to contact them. She also had had access to some client info and could send something to them too.

I feel helpless and want to beg her to stop. She has also sent me a note saying I'm 'killing her' - which is something I said to her. She said ' just you wait!'

Not sure if I'm just babbling or if it makes sense. I'm a nervous wreck and am barely functioning at this point.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your response.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation.
It sounds like your ex has alcohol abuse/dependence and mood disorder such as depression and Bipolar disorder.
Her irrational and dangerous behavior including trying to hit you by car and sending emails to your friends about you may be indicative of her anger and possible mood disorder or personality disorder such as Borderline PD.
Yes, she may be dangerous to you and/or herself as she has tried to hurt you and share confidences with your friends and your parents.
I am not really sure of what she may be capable of. Is she just telling you all this as she is angry and upset ? Is she able to calm down without doing anything harmful to you again ?
Is this temporal?
I can imagine she may be at risk of harming you or herself by sending emails to others.
You may have to tell her not to do all these things again.
But, you may have to set limits with her behavior at some point - sooner or later.
You may have to tell her that you take action to stop all her threats.
For example, you may have to take a restraining order against her if she continues to harass you or threaten to kill you.
This seems to be a dangerous situation.
If she is dangerous to herself and and is unable to take care of self due to her mental problems, you need to ask her to go to an emergency room of a local hospital. If she can not or does not, you may call A LOCAL MOBILE CRISIS TEAM or PSYCHIATRIC EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM designated by her city and county for psychiatric evaluation and involuntary hospitalization. Or seek help immediately: Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24 hour crisis center or dial 911 for immediate assistance.

I hope you are safe and she stops threatening you for anything.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,

P.S. Please remember to click the green ACCEPT button. You do not get charged twice; I will continue to answer your question whenever I am back online; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Olsen" in the front of your new question. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I guess I was hoping to get advise on how to handle this. Do I ignore all contact like the article says? Do I call and try to rationalize with her?

I don't know. Never mind.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there, Thank you for your reply.
If you already have communicated all your requests with her, you may ignore her calls for a week or longer.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Do you have a question? Please remember to click the green ACCEPT button. You do not get charged twice; I will continue to answer your question whenever I am back online; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Olsen" in the front of your new question. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

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