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She's actually doing you a favor by suggesting holding off on getting married. The fact that she stayed in frequent telephone contact with the manager after kissing him means that you should be very sure she is ready to commit to being monogamous before you get married. It's also concerning that she's pulled back emotionally. It's possible she's having second thoughts about marrying so young.
The fact that she's already lied to you and betrayed you does not bode well for this being a committed relationship. You either need to move closer to rebuild the bonds, or pull away and she if she comes after you. The worst thing you can do now is give any hint of neediness. You need to put out the attitude that you're willing to walk away if she's not ready to commit. It really doesn't sound like she's ready, and this would be the way to find out.
Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You have a lot of planning involved in this relationship. And I'm referring to emotional planning as much as wedding plans. You have a marriage planned, meaning you are expecting to devote your life efforts to this relationship.
This is a beautiful value. You are clearly a young man with values. And these values seem monogamous and based on the principles of loyalty in love and efforts put into the marriage. You expect to put ALL of your emotional efforts into your marriage and marriage partner. I respect your values and I believe they show you to be a young man of character.
And I think you hare hearing warning bells going off. And you don't know how to deal with them. Because they would put a kink into a tremendous amount of emotional investment you've put in. But the truth is that they are warning bells nevertheless.
Calling them a hiccup is a way to say they aren't real. And this type of wishful thinking is what people of values (men and women alike) typically do only in relationships. What do I mean?
If you were buying a used car and you called from Craig's List and the woman says that it's in perfect shape and at a great price, you'd say great. Then when you make plans to look at the car she says, well, it's got some paint a bit chipped. You slow down. You ask what else. She says, well, it's been in an accident--but just a fender bender. You say, okay. I think I get the picture. You realize you can't trust what she's telling you and you act appropriately.
Well, the lady from Craig's List may be pulling that on purpose or she may be that spacey. You don't know. But it doesn't matter does it? Because it's a matter of what can you expect? And either way you know you can't trust what to expect.
Your girlfriend is not pulling anything over you on purpose. That's not the warning bell. The warning bell is:
She's not ready to make a commitment of the first magnitude. She's unsteady. She's got someone who she's leaning on to steady herself FROM your exclusivity that you are about to impose on her.
I am so sorry you're going through this. You are ready but she's not. That's the warning bell in a nutshell. And I urge you not to ignore it. I've had couples in my office enough times to tell you that the small warning bells that get ignored don't prove to be nothing later on. They are indications of what's in a person's heart and what's not.
I can't make the decision for you, but I think you know that my experience is saying it's time for you to pull back and the two of you start over. Without pressure on her, she may be more able to recognize that she's not ready to be married. And you would be able to decide if it's time to move on or to date longer.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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