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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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How do you know if you have been sexually abused and blocked

Customer Question

How do you know if you have been sexually abused and blocked it out? I was 19 and living with a family as their nanny. I was constantly being told to keep secrets away from his wife and to keep between us or everyone gets in trouble. He has made several sexual comments to myself regarding my own sexual activity and has touched me to the point of very uncomfortable. He has paraded in underwear thoughout house and given me alcohol late at night after wife was sleeping. Is this under sexual abuse or what?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Karyn thank you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...with regards to this very' distressful and difficult situation..and I truly feel for you..
What this man is subjecting you to NOT ok!!and is definitely classified as sexual assault by way of his actions, threats and all in and through 'control'... and all against your will..This is a criminal offense hence,his wanting you to be quiet about it..
Under these very unpleasant and demeaning circumstances and from what you have described..what he is subjecting you to is of a highly traumatic nature..
Its very possible that your mind (to help protect you ) has blocked out or disassociated you from certain horrible episodes...
You may also be experiencing symptoms of ptsd which are often associated with abuse or sustained trauma in your life...
These symptoms may also include..ocd ( obsessive compulsive disorder)..intrusive thoughts, depression, much anxiety, sleepless nights, panic attacks, anger, rage, guilt, shame, relationship problems , fearfulness,sadness, distrust,..esteem issues..flashbacks,..and possibly more..
I have posted more information about this below for you..

The only way you will know for certain if you have dis-associated yourself from these horrible events will be via therapy and under the care of a supportive, caring, therapist trained in this field...and there my be 'flash backs' 'pieces of certain horrible some scenes..
First though, and in the light of this, I would truly be inclined to save yourself and move out of such a vulnerable and dangerous situation...This would be for your own safety...and overall mental and emotional wellbeing..
The longer you stay in it the worst your symptoms...Once away from the constant trauma that he is putting you through you would have time to consider if you will take nay further action against him, but! only if' you chose to....
I truly hope that this has proved helpful and given you further options in which to consider....Please, I pray that you do get out of there..and hopefully with the help of his wife..but, it may even be with the help of someone else..If you need any more help please don't hesitate to ask...Please know that I am here and that someone truly cares..
Kindest thoughts
Karyn J (ProfClinicalDipCoBmin)

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your reply. The thing is that I am no longer living there as their nanny. I am now 41 and have had re-occuring dreams/nightmares of going back there and being their nanny and absolutely NOT wanting to be. When I wake up I am soooooo thankful it was just a dream because I do not want to go back and live with him. Those started a few years back and have concerned me a bit. I have hidden all of it for so long until recently I was notified by someone in the family that other things may have been happening to the kids and she was cking on me to find out if my anxiety/panic attacks are steming from this or something else. Since she contacted me a couple weeks ago, things have been more vivid in my mind about what he said and did and how vulnerable I was under his control. He literally controlled my whole life during and maybe after. His last words to me were "You owe me" with a smile. I was on his "program" as he called it and always will be. Since I was 19 though, doesn't that make me an adult and should have said something? I mean I get it through therapy they can work with me and I do have an appt., but how do you find out if more was done to me. I know that from how much control he had over me back then, that I could have done something for him with him, whatever and just never told for obvious reasons. That guilt alone knowing that I probably would have done something sexual to him or let him to me is horrible.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am wanting to cancel this subscription and get refund please. Thank you for your time.
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 4 years ago.
Hello, please forgive this late see it has much' to do with world time difference I'm afraid and this is out of my this is a global on line service..
Thank you very much for your reply to me...
You have been through so much...and this is still' so today by way of these horrible dreams and flashbacks..and I truly know just how horrible this must be for you..
I am so very pleased that you are now out of this depleting situation...and in answer of your other question ...the answer is yes! most definitely as an adult you can still do something about this..
You can make a legal case out of this if you want to..but will need to discuss this with a lawyer who would guide you from you will need as much 'support' as possible to get you through ..
I am so relieved to hear that you have also made an appointment with a this would be the best investment you would have made in yourself!!well done!!
As time and therapy move forward... your mind will start to expose more images and information for you..but, there will be some scenes that may remain submerged.. because they may just be too horrible or to traumatic to expose you too ..hence, your subconscious mind will lock them away ( if there are any) to protect you from any more pain..
If you do want to find out and expose these images or find out if he has done anything of another nature with you..then there is a 'special' therapy called EMDR ... Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing...this is a powerful and relatively new psychotherapy technique which has been very successful in helping people who suffer from trauma, anxiety, panic, disturbing memories, post traumatic stress and many other emotional problems. Until recently, these conditions were difficult and time-consuming to treat.
EMDR is considered a breakthrough therapy because of its simplicity and the fact that it can bring quick and lasting relief for most types of emotional distress..and seeks to expose locked and trapped images..Please view website to tell you more..I have also posted you a website directory for you to locate an Emdr professional nearest you... a therapist emdr)

I am also a survivor of assault/abuse and so have chosen to specialize in this field to help those like yourself, and others' get through such a painfully dreadful trauma..Not easy to say the very least at all ...but with time, support, care and understanding healing and quality of life does come..
Take very good care thoughts' will be with you..
Warmest wishes