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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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how can i help a friend get out of an emotionally abusive marriage?

Customer Question

how can i help a friend get out of an emotionally abusive marriage? she knows its happening and wants out but seems afraid to leave.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about what is happening to your friend. Is this friend your girlfriend or a platonic friend? I ask this because it would probably make a difference in how you approach the subject depending on the nature of your relationship with her. In either case, it would help her if she saw someone in therapy to help her detach herself from this emotionally abusive marriage. Let me ask another question --- are there children in this marriage? If there are, how old are they?
I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would
like to add to this chat.If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.

Dr. Shirley Schaye and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
dr. shiley shaye yes she's my girlfriend sort of and yes 2 kids
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Have you talked to her already about leaving this emotionally abusive man? If you have what does she say? You say sort of about her being your girlfriend --- how does she view your relationship with her? Does she have any idea about what your position would be vis a vis your relationship with her if she were to leave this relationship? What is your relationship like with her kids? Or do you not have a relationship with them?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
dr shirley shaye we've talked about her leaving. she wants to but seems scared. she knows what our relationship is regardless if she leaves or not. we're best friends. she would agree with me on that. would be more than that if she left him but thats not my angle and she knows this. my relationship with her kids is good.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Then I think you should tell her how much you care for her and hope that she would see someone to help her get over being scared so that the two of you can move on together.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i've already done that. she knows how i feel and she feels the same way. this is the problem. she seems stuck and feels helpless. how can i help her see she needs help?
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Tell her she feels stuck and helpless and is scared to move on to make a loving life with you. Tell her that you would do anything to help her but being in therapy will help her move away from this emotionally abusive man. Tell her that as long as she is staying put she is hurting your relationship with her.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I think she thinks things will get worse if she takes steps to get away from him. Is this a legitimate reason for her to do nothing until she can do everything all at once?
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would like to add to this chat. If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
That's why therapy will help. She doesn't have to make a move first. Let her start therapy. Let that be the first step. The therapist will help her take it from there.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I appreciate your help Doc Shirley Shaye, thank you.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Oh, you are most welcome!!!!!!! Please know that I am here for you and if you need to contact me, please do not hesitate to. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will always be the one to respond to you.

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