Ok, thanks for the extra information.
Based on your description I would be more inclined to suspect Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than ASPD. BPD is far more common than ASPD, often develops in young women who experience an abusive childhood, often involves 'splitting' (manipulating people against each other) and a pattern of intense and unstable relationships. Also, ASPD usually manifests during the early teens and BPD manifests in the late teens.
To put it bluntly: it's much better to be dealing with BPD than ASPD, so this is a good thing.
I'll post a fairly lengthy description of BPD here and wait for you to read through and let me know if you think it relates to what you are seeing.
Borderline Personality Disorder
The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive
pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions.
People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.
This disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of
interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related
to the person's self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is
present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is
accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a
quick manner) in a person's emotions and feelings. Relationships and the person's
emotion may often be characterized as being shallow.
A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and
have a majority of the following symptoms:
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
- Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
- Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
- Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms
Key Features in Detail
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
The perception of impending separation or rejection, or the loss of
external structure, can lead to profound changes in self-image, emotion,
thinking and behavior. Someone with borderline personality disorder will be
very sensitive to things happening around them in their environment. They experience intense abandonment fears and inappropriate anger, even when faced with a realistic separation or when there are unavoidable changes in plans. For
instance, becoming very angry with someone for being a few minutes late or
having to cancel a lunch date. People with borderline personality disorder may
believe that this abandonment implies that they are "bad." These
abandonment fears are related to an intolerance of being alone and a need to
have other people with them. Their frantic efforts to avoid abandonment may
include impulsive actions such as self-mutilating or suicidal behaviors.
Unstable and intense relationships
People with borderline personality disorder may idealize potential
caregivers or lovers at the first or second meeting, demand to spend a lot of
time together, and share the most intimate details early in a relationship.
However, they may switch quickly from idealizing other people to devaluing
them, feeling that the other person does not care enough, does not give enough,
is not "there" enough. These individuals can empathize with and
nurture other people, but only with the expectation that the other person will
"be there" in return to meet their own needs on demand. These
individuals are prone to sudden and dramatic shifts in their view of others,
who may alternately be seen as beneficent supports or as cruelly punitive. Such
shifts often reflect disillusionment with a caregiver whose nurturing qualities
had been idealized or whose rejection or abandonment is expected.
There are sudden and dramatic shifts in self-image, characterized by
shifting goals, values and vocational aspirations. There may be sudden changes
in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values and types of
friends. These individuals may suddenly change from the role of a needy
supplicant for help to a righteous avenger of past mistreatment. Although they
usually have a self-image that is based on being bad or evil, individuals with
borderline personality disorder may at times have feelings that they do not
exist at all. Such experiences usually occur in situations in which the
individual feels a lack of a meaningful relationship, nurturing and support.
These individuals may show worse performance in unstructured work or school