How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

trying to come to terms on how i feel about my wifes ongoing

Customer Question

trying to come to terms on how i feel about my wife's ongoing affair. becoming more comfortable inw what my role is but still concerned that i am outside the norms of society. Will I always feel this way?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

This depends totally on what you are comfortable with. If you feel your wife having an affair is ok with you, then accepting it is a matter of time. You need to allow yourself to adjust to a new way of thinking about your marriage and your relationship. Sharing someone in an intimate relationship is not easy and requires a definition of boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. It may be unusual for someone to be accepting of affairs (at least in our culture, maybe not so much in others), but each person decides what works for them. Every couple has their own quirks and differences they agree to accept with each other and no one else needs to be aware of these differences.

 

But if you feel unsettled by your wife's affair, then you need to speak your mind to your wife and let her know how you feel. You have a right to have your thoughts and feelings listened to and considered. And your wife needs to accept how you feel.

 

I hope this helps you,
Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
there is some more to it they let me catch them in the act knowing it arouses me. so this has me concerned that i am not normal cause i enjoy it.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

As long as you are comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with that. There are many married people that enjoy such situations. It is only when you are hurt by it that it is bad.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My birthday is XXXXX week and they said they are going to give me a special show. i have conflicting feelings about this but also get very aroused thinking about it.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If you feel conflicted about it, then you should probably think about backing off. You may also want to see a counselor to help you decide if this situation hurts you or if you are ok with it. To find a counselor, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. This will help you talk out how you feel and see what is beneath your feelings.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

ok i will try that i just think it is my irish catholic upbringing getting in the way. once i am involved in it i feel good

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I understand. My best to you and if I can help any further, please let me know.

 

Kate

 

If you found your answer helpful, please click the green ACCEPT button. I am not paid for my work unless you accept. Thank you!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
just wondering if i am jut more concerned about what other people would think then what my behavior is
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You could be. That is why I think counseling might be a good idea. There are too many considerations here that confuse the issue. Finding out if you are comfortable with this situation, how you feel about your arousal and how you feel about others knowing about it all say that there are more underlying feelings that just deciding what to do.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thank you for understanding. it is easy to talk to you about this. it is embarrasing but i masturbate a lot thinking about this stuff. last year on my birthday they invited me into the room and involved me some and i still get excited reliving that. is that weird?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome. I am glad to help.

 

No it is not weird. It is very common for people to have fantasies about these kinds of things. An active sexual fantasy life is just fine as long as it is not bothering you to the point you are distressed by it.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i dont think i am distressed by it. it has increased the sexual activity between my wife and i and she does more things than she use to. and i masturbate a lot more than i use to. have you heard of people around 50 increasing their sexual activity before?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It is not common, but with the addition of your wife's affair to your marriage it is probably a cause of your increased libido.

 

Kate

 

 

 

 

 

If you have found your answers helpful, please click accept. I am not paid for my work unless you accept. Thank you!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
and hers too then? she is having sex 5 or 6 days a week that i know of. she is also more entusiastic about performing oral. last year on my birthday she performed oral on me as he had intercousre with her. 10 years ago i couldnt even talk to her about that.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
and hers too then? she is having sex 5 or 6 days a week that i know of. she is also more entusiastic about performing oral. last year on my birthday she performed oral on me as he had intercousre with her. 10 years ago i couldnt even talk to her about that.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i wanted to thank you for the help you have given.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education