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Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
This depends totally on what you are comfortable with. If you feel your wife having an affair is ok with you, then accepting it is a matter of time. You need to allow yourself to adjust to a new way of thinking about your marriage and your relationship. Sharing someone in an intimate relationship is not easy and requires a definition of boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. It may be unusual for someone to be accepting of affairs (at least in our culture, maybe not so much in others), but each person decides what works for them. Every couple has their own quirks and differences they agree to accept with each other and no one else needs to be aware of these differences.
But if you feel unsettled by your wife's affair, then you need to speak your mind to your wife and let her know how you feel. You have a right to have your thoughts and feelings listened to and considered. And your wife needs to accept how you feel.
I hope this helps you,Kate
As long as you are comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with that. There are many married people that enjoy such situations. It is only when you are hurt by it that it is bad.
If you feel conflicted about it, then you should probably think about backing off. You may also want to see a counselor to help you decide if this situation hurts you or if you are ok with it. To find a counselor, talk to your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. This will help you talk out how you feel and see what is beneath your feelings.
ok i will try that i just think it is my irish catholic upbringing getting in the way. once i am involved in it i feel good
I understand. My best to you and if I can help any further, please let me know.
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You could be. That is why I think counseling might be a good idea. There are too many considerations here that confuse the issue. Finding out if you are comfortable with this situation, how you feel about your arousal and how you feel about others knowing about it all say that there are more underlying feelings that just deciding what to do.
You're welcome. I am glad to help.
No it is not weird. It is very common for people to have fantasies about these kinds of things. An active sexual fantasy life is just fine as long as it is not bothering you to the point you are distressed by it.
It is not common, but with the addition of your wife's affair to your marriage it is probably a cause of your increased libido.
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