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Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5776
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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kate: I have a major hurdle in this matter with Eve:She feels

Customer Question

kate: I have a major hurdle in this matter with Eve:She feels so put out~about the fact she feels put on the backburner !my mother has Sciatica problems & she has not gotten good medical attention for it she has been to a pain clinic ! & recieved no relief ! We requested anohter clinic today!shhe needs pain management & counselling & personal counselling as well I am contacting our pastor tommorrow & visit with him! I recieved more emails from Eve: after I let you know she is not enjoying her life without me in it ! ary told me so & Eve: did also later this afternoon ! se only has work email address now !I did drop her a note back & let her know we are getting for my moms pain managgement & personal counselling ! my mom takes it out on people for er pain ! Q: wat else can I do so that Eve can rest her mind of the required care my mom needs ? i am waitin your reply ! Thanks again ! Marvin
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi Marvin,

 

It sounds like you just need to reassure Eve that she is important to you. Your mother does require a lot of care and it is ok that you have to provide it. But when it comes to who you put first in your life, it should be Eve.

 

In any relationship, the partners should put each other first. That does not mean you need to neglect your mother. But it does mean that you need to find ways to let Eve know you care, even if it's while you care for your mother.

 

You can try things like making special plans with Eve where it is just the two of you, include Eve in caring for your mother, take time to talk to Eve often about how she is and what things you both can enjoy together, and make special time each week to be together, even if you need to hire someone to care for your mom for a short while.

 

This will help Eve feel she is important to you.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Kate: Eve called me last night & we talked for 45 minutes !We achhieved alot of progress ! we discussed tese very issues & some quite in depth & We plan to getogether & talk & go to our singles group Chhristmas Party at church ! Thanks marvin
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like you are on the right track, Marvin. That is exactly what you should do with Eve. Just be sure to let her know you want to put her first. Your mother's care does demand a lot of your time, but letting Eve know she is first will let her feel less on the back burner and more in your life.

 

Kate

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Kate: Yes ! thats right only right keep Eve first ! m
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Exactly! That is going to keep your relationship going.

 

Kate

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