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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have been asking questions for awhile now about Aspergers

Resolved Question:

I have been asking questions for awhile now about Aspergers and my relationship with a man who has Aspergers, In the beginning we were just friends, and he was friends with 2 other women that I knew as well, I have been in a relationship with him since January, we went away for a long weekend last Sun, Mon and Tues and he received a call from one of the womens girlfriends while we were away. I asked who it was he told me, said she just rang to find out about some necklace, then earrings, it changed as the conversation went on, as I beleived there had been no contact for several months, the botXXXXX XXXXXne is my partner was sexually involved with 2 of these women, not the friend but the other 2, he showed me texts from both of them one of them saying I am getting feelings for you the other saying she wants to suck his penis, I was devasted and went to my girlfriends, did not see him for 2 weeks, then I came home as he was taking care of my cat just to see an empty case with one of the womens wedding, I asked whats this all about he became defensive, what happened as I found out that while I was away they had sex, both these women are married, I told me one of them said her marriage was over and but staying there for the children, asked him to wait for her for 2 years. I am so hurt
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I believe I can help you.

 

It sounds like your boyfriend is not considering your feelings about this situation. He should not be in contact with any of these women, especially while he is with you and even if you have trouble with your relationship.

 

By cheating on you and allowing these women to have access to him, your boyfriend is undermining your trust. And without trust, a relationship cannot survive. There is no way to continue together as long as you have to question if you can trust him.

 

The topic keeps coming up because it is not resolved. He needs to admit he was wrong and make this up to you. If he cannot do that, then the chances the relationship will last is low. He needs to earn your trust back and until he does that, the issue will remain an problem.

 

There is a lot of deception going on in these relationships with married women, broken promises and cheating. Your boyfriend needs to cut himself off from these women right away and work on your relationship.

 

Talk to him about seeing a counselor together. His Aspbergers may be a factor but he also needs to learn to control his behavior. You can also work on the trust issues as well. Ask your doctor for a referral.

 

You can also learn more about infidelity and how it affects your relationship. Here are resources to help:

 

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis C. Ortman

 

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

 

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman

 

I hope this helps,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Also, you may want to consider seeing a counselor yourself if you feel your boyfriend will not go. You need the support right now to help you decide how to handle this problem.

 

Kate

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