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Dr John B
Dr John B, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 557
Experience:  PhD in Clinical Psychology, registered clinical psychologist.
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Hi, I believe by ex-husband has DDJ. His constant accusations

Customer Question

Hi, I believe by ex-husband has DDJ. His constant accusations and irrational fears during our short marriage brought about our divorce. However we are still emotionally involved with each other and I was wondering whether I can get some advice on how to deal with this problem and help him realise too. Many thanks
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr John B replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

Could you please specify what you mean by DDJ?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

sure, I only have read stuff on the internet symptomatology etc. I am of the idea that it could be a delusional jealousy disorder (morbid jealousy) i have seen it termed both ways. My ex-husband accuses me of sleeping with many men and derives such obsessional thought (in the sense that he has been focusing on it during our marriage and after) from irrlevant occurences (for example, phone changer in the bathroom, having a co patriot colleague in my school saying hello to me, not picking up the phone with the firts time but after 3 times) etc. In addition following the walk out by him he has been stalking me in real time and through internet and would accuse me of having multiple relationships because i would return home with a taxi (including taxi drivers..) all this, together with the fact that he does not care about firm evidence to the opposite of his accusations (such where i was with whom i was at the time of his accusations, performing a lie test twice with 0.01% of lying with the head director of UK European polygraph association, having a great reference from my school (which shows me attending all my arabic classes an accusation of his), aftre the divorce inviting him to meet my friends, to come where I go, him seeing all my text messages with my girlfriends) etc.And all this has distressed him so much too, during our marriage he would be pre-occupied with this (me being unfaithful assumedly) during all the time, some days he could not work, he would sleep very little, smoke very much, we would have constant rows with lots of tears from me and ots of distres both sides and he would feel helpless. I would show him love and excitement and we would be very loving and the next day he would wake up and accuse me that as soon as he would leave i would find myself in the bed of another man. Also to say, we are both lawyers, I am English banking lawyer, I used to have a career in London and I dropped my life there to be with him here (I am now looking for work here) after flying about thirty times to Leb in the course of two years. So me to be such a terribe person too, it wouldnt also make any logical sense, why bother with a man in Lebanon (we used to have a very intense romantic relationship for one year) if i were what he accuses me of?

Expert:  Dr John B replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

I'm very sorry to hear of the situation. If he is suffering from Delusional Disorder, Jealous Type (this is the title given to the illness by the American Psychiatric Association) then the unfortunately there isn't much you can say to disrupt/challenge the delusions. The nature of delusions is such that they are not usually disrupted by contrary evidence no matter how convincing. A person suffering from a delusion will usually interpret or alter any information to be consistent with the delusion.....their thinking is deluded. Often this is simply done by devaluing to new source of information or just disregarding the information completely.

The best thing you can do is to try in any way you can to get him to start consulting with a Psychiatrist or Psychologist or has experience in treating DD. I realize that this is not the kind of answer you were hoping for as he no doubt has no interest in seeing a therapist and unfortunately there really is no magic trick for getting a unwilling patient into therapy. Try to keep in mind that delusional beliefs and thinking are psychiatric symptoms and unfortunately you can't reason with them. Take a look at this brief summary of the kind of treatment approaches that can be used with DD here http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx11t.htm.

I'm sorry there isn't an obvious solution to your situation, however it is important that you begin to understand and approach his behavior/beliefs as an illness and not try to use reason and logic to get him to see reality. Do you know if there is any family history of Psychotic Illness?

Dr John B, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 557
Experience: PhD in Clinical Psychology, registered clinical psychologist.
Dr John B and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi, sorry i pressed the wrong button. I do aprreciate your advice and thanks for that. No i dont know except for an aunt, a sister of his mother, that speaks very basic and seems smiling like a child but with a disadvatnaged brain? so not relevant perhaps or relevant? My ex husband is very intelligent; but his thought processing has this perhaps systemic disadvantage in that he interprets any action of a person in his own way but without giving any credit to what the person would tell for their own actions. that is for all type of persons and all types of actions. so his internal world is more secluded from the outside? My follow-up question to you is do you know whether there is any way (not by reasoning) that I can approach him (I can still do that as matter of a fact since he still has feelings and I do too but the code is the problem) and pass him the message that there is sth wrong with him which we could address/he should address for his own sake? many thanks again... (ps I would not want any of this information to show on your website many thanks)
Expert:  Dr John B replied 2 years ago.

It's impossible in hindsight to know whether there might be a connection with the Aunt's condition, but a connection is possible. I asked just to check if there was a history of schizophrenia as this might indicate that it is something other then DD (a bit of a long shot but I thought it worth checking). Is there any area or aspect of his functioning (not necessarily related to this issue) that he is dissatisfied with or acknowledges is a problem? For example, people will often acknowledge sleeping problems and consult with a clinician for assistance with this. The idea would be to get him in front of a clinician for the sleep disturbance and let the clinician recognize the delusional thinking and then determine how best to engage the problem.

I will be away from my computer for a period of time but will respond further when I next am able to.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thanks very much for this. there might be some connection with schizophreneia i understand what you say; he acknowledges his problem as being stressed a lot, an anxiety problem. his sleep is also disturbed but generally i think it is the anxiety the most dominant thing that is present most of the time and gives him hard time. his anxiety is channeled in his personal life only and even more part of this (the biggest part by far) in his personal life with me for now. in his work, as a lawyer he does not stress, is very sociable and good with people skills but mistrustful in a way. he has a very sensitive side(and an abusive side i dare say since the problem started to show) that however is fearful of the exploitation by others. having said the above, depression may also be ackowledged by him as a problem for this period of time. I will acept your answer and thanks again, if you wish to add anything when you can please do. many thanks

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thanks very much for this. there might be some connection with schizophreneia i understand what you say; he acknowledges his problem as being stressed a lot, an anxiety problem. his sleep is also disturbed but generally i think it is the anxiety the most dominant thing that is present most of the time and gives him hard time. his anxiety is channeled in his personal life only and even more part of this (the biggest part by far) in his personal life with me for now. in his work, as a lawyer he does not stress, is very sociable and good with people skills but mistrustful in a way. he has a very sensitive side(and an abusive side i dare say since the problem started to show) that however is fearful of the exploitation by others. having said the above, depression may also be ackowledged by him as a problem for this period of time. I will acept your answer and thanks again, if you wish to add anything when you can please do. many thanks Correction: do i need to pay double the fee amount of $35 for me to accept that answer above? if you will confirm i will do it only if i have to. otheriwise i will pay the predeposited fee and a tip thank you

Expert:  Dr John B replied 2 years ago.

Thank you very much for the accept and bonus!

If you believe that he might acknowledge difficulty with anxiety/stress then I would suggest you try and get him to consult with a therapist fr assistance with this. Anxiety problems (whether it be panic, generalized, social or stress related) are regularly treated by Clinical Psychologists and it would be common practice for a person to seek assistance for these (at least in some parts of the world). If he was to present for assessment and therapy of elevated anxiety then any delusional thinking would quickly become apparent to the clinician.

There are two books I think you should read:

http://www.amazon.com/Not-Sick-Dont-Need-Help/dp/0967718929/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322511424&sr=1-4 - relates to dealing with a person who does not acknowledge needing help. I have attended lectures by this author personally and I think his work is excellent.

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Paranoia-Professionals-Families-Sufferers/dp/0275981525/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322511643&sr=1-5 - relates to paranoia and would help you to understand delusional thinking as a feature of illness.

Neither book is particularly cheap so if you only wanted to look at one of them I would suggest you choose the first one.

I hope these are of further help. If you require further assistance in the future you can reach me directly by placing "For DR John B" at the start of any question you post to this category. Best of luck!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear John,

 

Many thanks for your help. Much appreciated. I will revert further if needed.

 

Have a nice day.

 

Best

Expert:  Dr John B replied 2 years ago.

I've just tracked down a presentation you should watch http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3157373037314023921#

Good luck!

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