Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to make the relationship work his way because he is fearful of being rejected or not feeling loved. He is trying to control you and your actions so he can make you show him he is loved. He wants to gain his value from you rather than realizing he is a valuable person whether you love him or not. Also, the problem with his actions are that you do not operate by those rules. You understand the normal way of communicating your feelings. He is on a different level because of his past abuse. And he wants you to work on his level. He needs you to fulfill his needs because he is unable to do so himself.
Your boyfriend is being inflexible. He may not realize he has a problem or he may feel that his problem trumps anyone else's preferences. What he doesn't see is that making someone show they love you works the opposite way. It makes the other person want to move away because the pressure is too great and the expectations unclear. And the need is never fulfilled.
What you can do is talk to him about what we discussed here. Let him know you understand his needs, but that no person will be able to fulfill them. He needs to work on healing and accepting that he is worthy and lovable himself, without needing you or anyone else to fill the void for him. Therapy can help him do that. He can also use self help. Here are some resources to get started:
Feeling & Healing Your Emotions by Conrad W. Baars
Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused by Steven Farmer
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward and Craig Buck
Also, you can work with him to set a number of times you can call each other. It can be flexible. For example, on normal days, set the number to 2. If it's a weekend and you have more time, it can be more.
Find other ways to express your love. It may be hard right now because your relationship is secret, but trying to find ways to connect are important. Anyway you can connect safely will help until your boyfriend can get help for his problem.
I hope this has helped you,