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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my girlfriend lived with me for a year! & moved out 6 weeks

Customer Question

my girlfriend lived with me for a year! & moved out 6 weeks ago ! she stopped out the other day ! she emailed first & I replied it was fine for her to pick up some items & she had items to leave ! in the garage ! I was not at home and she gave me a time she would be there ! so as I was not there! she left me a note ! saying! I am sorry i didn't get to see you !& I miss your hugs! happy Thanksgiving Eve Q: does this mean shhe wants to start seeing eachh other again ? your thouhts please ! Marvin
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like she was giving you some idea of how she is feeling about your relationship. It may mean that she is interested. She may be testing the waters to see how you will respond. If so, your response was good. Letting her know you are open to seeing her again is a way to get the ball rolling.

 

I would give this time. If you do not hear from her over the next few weeks, drop her a note maybe through email or text and say just saying hi. Keep it that brief. Then wait for her response. Hopefully, she will respond back and you can move ahead with the relationship.

 

I hope this helps,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
heres the major cause of the Breakup ! shes upset that I am the only child that can take care of my 87 year old mother ! I have my personal home & she has hers ! When she informed me she was moving out & wanted me not to be around! i moved in with Mom ! I bout X girl friends washer & dryer !Se & my mom were in a Tugg`a~war over me for Time & Attention ! I have a Corporation with my mom & we old it solely between us & have equal rights of ownership & Equal rights of survivorship! my X girl fiend knows this & also knows my asset value personally is $2~3 $million $ ~!my x girlfriends # XXXXX complaint is the fact I care for my mom ! & I need to et Counsellin for my mom ! ses upset my x`girlfriend didn''t clean her house more often & take her to dr appointments! Q:whats your toughts ! please let me know ! Marvin !
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
whats your thoughts ? m
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate1 whats your thoughts ? m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi Marvin,

 

It sounds like your girlfriend is upset that she is not first in your life. She understood going in that you care for your mother and you are the only one to do so. So either she accepts your situation, the two of you can get counseling to sort it out or the relationship doesn't work. Either way, she needs to decide what she is willing to accept.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Q: how long do I give her? m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Marvin,

 

I would give her a few weeks at least. That is enough time to think things through and decide what she wants to do. If she is sending you notes now about missing your hugs and wishing she could see you, then a few weeks should bring contact. If not, drop her a note like we talked about in the previous answer. That should be enough to encourage her to respond.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
q : SHE ACCEPTED A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL 10 DAYS AGO ! q: HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD i GIVE HER ? M
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
q: HOW MANY TIMES SOULD A MAN AVE TO ASK A WOMAN TO MARRY HIM ? M
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I understand your frustration with your girlfriend. Everyone is different and she may have reasons for not responding right away. But I think one marriage proposal is good enough for anyone. If she has not responded, then she may just need more time to think it through.

 

You may want to try again in another week or so. Just keep your communication with her simple and direct. You could say something to the effect that you are wondering how she is doing and you haven't heard from her for a while. See what she says. Depending on how she responds, you could go on to ask about if she has made a decision yet on your marriage proposal. Try to keep your voice and tone even and friendly. You don't want to come across as demanding and angry. But if you approach her in a non pressured way, she may respond more positively.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ps: She said no to counselling & emailed me an apology & called me with an opology ! stating that she was wrong to have even thought that way ! your thoughts ! m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Marvin,

 

She apologized for what? I am not sure what she is sorry for. And she is wrong for having thought what way?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate: yes ! she stated it was wrog for her to have even thought that way ! not alone wriiten it ! everyone who has read the email or I told them about ! said its wrong! I spoke to a contractor a week ago ! who is going to be working @ my house & when I told him he didn't have to contact her ! He asked why did she leave ! I told him of the tugg~a~war over my moms care ! he laughed & said ! Hey our family took care of our mom ! someone had too ! & said well now I can spread the word ! jokinggly ! your a BAD person !ps: my younger sister told her the same ! thats wrong! m
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

In order to reconnect with her you may want to talk to her without bringing up your mom, initially. Right now, getting an idea of your relationship without the added stress of your relationship with your mother will help see how interested she is to be with you. Although others may agree with you that your mother needs cared for, it does not have to be the primary issue in your relationship. Your feelings for one another should be the most important thing.

 

Kate

 

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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