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Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like the person you are talking about most likely feels insecure about themselves. It is often the case that those who look down on others, even those that help them, are insecure. They do not feel worthy so they hide it behind a false front that makes them appear more worthy than others. This is a defense mechanism called Reaction Formation. It is taking unacceptable thoughts and turning them into their opposites. So this person is taking their feelings of unworthiness and shame and turning them into projecting worth over others. This problem usually comes about when the person was treated poorly at some time in their lives, usually in childhood when the child's view of life is being formed. Abuse, neglect or other circumstances can cause the person to feel unworthy and shameful.
By helping this person, the helper puts themselves in a lower position, at least in terms of our society. A helper serves, which to some means being lower. This person's role reminds the person receiving the help of themselves and how they really feel. To avoid the feelings, the person being served reacts with an even stronger defense against the feelings by acting even more important and "worthy". For to show weakness or be a servant to others is too threatening.
I hope this helps you,Kate
The helper can do what they do out of love, but that does not change how the taker is viewing him. The taker is the one with the self esteem and worthiness issues. If there is abuse in the past, then that explains why they relate to the helper as they do. They feel lower than the helper inside so they react to the help by acting better than the help.
You can just put my name in front of your question and I will get back to you as soon as I am on. You can also request me directly, which would help keep your question off the general queue. Just be sure to put my name in front and I will be the one to answer you.
They may not realize they are acting this way. Some people grow up learning how to relate to the world in a dysfunctional way. Children are born with personalities, but how they learn to express themselves and relate to the world depends on the environment they are raised in. For example, if you have one child who is born into a normal family that allows expression, provides healthy boundaries (discipline) and acceptance and love, that child learns that other people can be loving and kind. They learn consequences to behavior and they also can grow as a person because they were allowed to. But if the child is born into an abusive family, the child may be exposed to people who hit for no reason, violate boundaries (getting into the child's personal space and hurting them) and act out for no logical reason. Children do not understand a person drinks alcohol or hits a child because they are hurt inside. All they know is that they are being hurt. They usually turn this pain into themselves and think something is wrong with them, since they do not understand why they are being hurt. This child learns they are unworthy, unlovable and deserve to be hurt by others. As a adult, this child may lash out at others, treat others like they were treated and generally relate to the world as they learned as a child.
When the person or people treat the helper they way they do, that says they learned to hurt others because they were hurt somehow. This is how they learned to relate. They feel bad inside so they lash out and make others feel bad so they feel better. This is especially so with someone who helps because to offer help in their childhood would have meant more pain and humiliation. Being reminded of that by being helped makes them feel bad so they lash out even worse.
The M.Ed after my name means I have a Master's in Counselor Education, the NBCC is a National Board Certified Counselor, and the LPC means Licensed Professional Counselor. I hope that helps.
I would love to continue to work with you. Please accept my previous answers so we can continue.
I did provide an answer to your question at the end of my answer on 11/26/11. I will recopy it for you:
KATE MCCOY ONLY. The question is from 11/26 at 5:23 PM it wasn't ask ed previous. please take a look at it? tell me what you think.
It sounds like the taker and the sisters decided to make the helper a target. In some families, there is a child who is picked out as a target for abuse in the family. It is the child who is targeted for the abuse. The other children may also be abused, but the one child is the main target. The other children are taught to abuse this person as well. This includes emotional abuse (not remembering taking money off the helper, saying mean things, putting him down), physical abuse and possibly sexual abuse.
It could be, not including the ending.
ONLY KATE MCCOY Do this show or say something about the helper? Refer to previous talk.
No, just that the helper has been put in an abusive role. Therapy helps a person like that realize how to get out of that role. Abuse is a major factor and can cause a helper to feel they are stuck in an abusive role.