Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
Is there a reason your husband is not working besides not wanting to?
Are there any children involved?
Thank you for the additional information. It helps.
For someone to change, they have to want to change. It sounds like he is not motivated to change. If he has not done so after 4 years of telling you he will, then he is not interested.
The only thing you can do is control how you react. If you feel that he will not change on his own, therapy may help him see that he does need to change. Do you think he would be willing to go? If he would go, it could make a big difference in your marriage. But if he will not, you may want to consider going without him. You need support and help finding out how you want to handle this situation. To find a therapist, contact your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
Also, you may want to consider a separation before you divorce. This can sometimes wake the other person up to a problem in the marriage when they easily dismissed the signs before.
You can also learn more about the effects of financial issues on a marriage. Here are some resources to help you:
The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage by Tim Downs and Joy Downs
Overcoming Pitfalls to Marriage Success: How to Survive Adultery & Other Pitfalls that Lead to Divorce by Dr. David F. Stephens
Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
Your husband's refusal to listen to you and help you contribute to the marriage is a betrayal. Feeling angry, sad or upset is a normal response. There is also a lot of stress and pressure when you are the only one contributing and your husband is only thinking of himself. Allow yourself time to cope. Get support through family, friends and counseling. Seek out support groups either on line or in person. All of these things will help you decide how to move forward and find a solution.
I hope this has helped you,Kate