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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Ok can i ask you another question? Every one says that he likes

Customer Question

Ok can i ask you another question? Every one says that he likes me but i kind of need to here it from an expert.... I told them this . And they said he liked me... I remember siting outside the hotel i was staying at and he came out to me and looked at me with big eyes and said "peaceful ah?" when it was a million cars running by right next to us. And he waved at me when he was in his office when he saw me. I was in a bad mood one day and he saw me i talked to one of his colleges and he made me laugh and then he started to laugh. And i had runed out of internet time and i asked him how much it was for more time and then he said oh no don't think about it i will give you internet free but don't tell anyone ok? And i didnt even have time to go and get it before he knocked on my door and it was not public it was the internet for employes with the password XXXXX everything. And once i give him a note with some information on it to sites he could go to. And when i got back to my room he called me and said "thank you for the letter" when all it was was a note with some information on it and my email address if he wanted a free promotion to his site. And when i was leaving he looked down alot he didnt look at me. And i had to ring the door bell two times before he opened the door. First time i saw him just looking down and second time i reng the door bell he came and opend his eyes widely and they looked shiny. And he didnt look at me anymore but when i was going out to leave for my flight he said call sometime. And he was kind of ignoring me or something the last day before i was going i didnt see him much. Thats when it hit me that i just had fall in love with him and i didnt stop thinking about him all the way home. Not stoped even till this day. But forget about how i feel for him for a moment. And answer me. Do you think he liked me too? Everyone of my friend that i have told about him to says he likes me. But i need to here it from an expert if it's true. Because i can't believe it if it is i will be extatic . But i need to here it from one more to believe it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It certainly sounds like he likes you. It also sounds like he may be very shy. You mentioned a few times that he looked away or down while talking with you. He seems maybe a bit scared. It could be because of his personality or he may have had bad experiences in the past with other relationships and is scared to try again.

 

When you talked with him, everything he said to you and all the contact he had with you sounds like it was meant to make you feel special. He singled you out, treated you special and was receptive to having contact with you again. When you saw him, he may have just began to see the relationship could go somewhere and felt shy or scared. People don't respond the way he did without being interested. If he did not want to be with you, he would not have treated you any differently than anyone else.

 

If your friends feel that this relationship is possible, you can go with their instincts as well. They know you and they are familiar with your relationship so far.

 

I hope this has helped you,


Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, I see that another expert has offered her expertise to you..But, just to add what I believe for you...I think that for the little time he got to know you and see you he had become very emotional about your leaving and so I think that he held himself back so that he wouldn't get hurt...knowing that you were catching your flight..
It sounds to me that he is really keen and likes you very much..From what you have written he sounds like a really nice guy too...kind, helpful, and considerate..
He most likely thought nothing would ever come of it after your flight took off..and I have no doubts that if he would hear from you again he would be very ecstatic just as you would be to know that he genuinely cares about you...
Hope my confirmation helps you to put yourself 'out there' to make that call to him...because this was a chance meeting in the first place..and such a lovely introduction..Doesn't happen very often these days...
Please 'accept' this if you are satisfied..
I will have you in my thoughts ...
kind thoughts
God Bless
Karyn J ...
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok thank you both im gonna call him in the morning im in norway and he is in Los Angeles so im gonna call him right before he goes to bed. But i have no idea what the first thing im gonna say to him is i want to express my love for him. But i don't want to freak him out the first words im gonna say to him i have no idea ,since it feels like its been a life time ago even though i last talked to him in start of oktober i think... And the last time i called i said something dumb like your not gonna believe it.... "can i book a room one year in advanced" i know its stupid and not what i wanted to sayn.... Any ideas? Im sorry for all the question. You probebly have other answers to answer that lmore important. But do you?
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello, no problem and thanks for getting back to me with your thoughts..
When you call him..first ' just ask how is is' and does he know whose speaking?
I know that you will be very excited ..but if you can control this until' you continue on with your chat..it will get better and feel much more comfortable for you both'
and you are right you don't want to appear to come on too strong to start ..since there have been a few weeks down the line now..
Just breath deeply while you are talking and when hes talking as this will help you to think about your next words..
If its any easier for you..write the above down on a piece of cardboard or paper and place it in front of the phone..This will help to keep you focused while talking..
And to breath deeply will provide you with oxygen to the brain..
So I would be inclined to start with those two sentences..and from there it will go naturally...
Hope this has been helpful to you and given you a few more strategies for you to try...if so then please 'accept' it as its a great help to this service..
Just try to keep it all in perspective...this will help
kind thoughts
God bless
Karyn J
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i think im just gonna send an email and get it over with because i can't find it in me to call to scared and the worst thing is is that i was with a frend today and on my way home i saw people starting to go out on the town and it gave me an horrible feeling that he might do the same. i just feel i need to say it. i'm sad because im afraid to call him because of the time that have passed. im so stupid i know. and im thinking how i could let myself fall in love with him. a love i have never felt for anyone else. i'm sorry to you to for taking your time. i just felt that i wanted to write it. i guess...

tnx

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello,

 

Sending an email is a good idea too. It is a way to find out where you stand with his man and see what his reaction is. I understand you are scared. Anyone would be nervous about telling another person how they feel. What you are feeling is very natural. Calling him would be ok too. But if that makes you feel too nervous, then an email is fine.

 

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and you certainly are not stupid for feeling this way. I am concerned you are saying these things about yourself. Your turning your very natural feelings into something wrong with you. Yes, he may reject your contact, but that does not make you any less valuable as a person. Not being able to call him just says that you want to protect yourself from the possible pain of rejection. Again, that is a normal response and does not mean there is anything wrong with you.

 

He may be going out on the town but he does not know yet how you feel. Then again, he may be at home thinking of you. There is no way to know unless you try asking him. He may say no or he may say yes. But either way, you are still the same person. You are worthy and valuable. If he doesn't want to be with you, that does not change who you are.

 

I am glad you shared how you feel. It is good to have support through something like this. Reach out as much as you need to and be good to yourself. You deserve it.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I see once again that a previous expert here has responded...I just want to let you know that you have not wasted our time..and that I have only been too happy to have helped lift you up and support you though this difficult and delicate situation..
Your feelings are whats important here ..and your feelings are also 'very relevant..
Please know that contacting him via email is all good though..especially if you feel much more comfortable doing this..
Make yourself as comfortable and relaxed as possible when approaching this..You may find it even more helpful just to sit in your seat ..close your eyes and focus on your breathing prior to expressing how you really feel about him..
You can do this!!...and as you say it would be a much easier way to go about this for you..
A more indirect approach...
The main thing is for you not to place too' much pressure on yourself..
If need be before you do this....grab a piece of paper and write down all your positive qualities ..this will help to build your confidence up...Believe in yourself and the who you are in your own right...and take it from there..
Whatever, will be will be...and whatever happens it will be right for you both in and through this difficult situation...
You can do this!!!and please know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you...
Take very good 'self care to right now...
warmest wishes
blessings
Karyn
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

can i ask you because it seems like i will have to travel again in february. and i rememberd something. when he helped me with something he ask me can you come back? and i said yeah an he started to laugh and was positive in his tone when he said it. and i remember he said you lost something and i said no and he just continued talking about it and i said this is a really great place and i will come back and he said come back come back and i will give you another room another room and i said i like this one and he just laught a litlle and said like this one? this one ah with a nice tone and laughter

 

 

what i'm woundring about is was this good? because i don't know why but this coversation with him poped in my minde when i was about to sleep had i crapy day and i got happy from it really to. what would you say out of this conversation? i rememberd it

and since i'm leaving back soon and i have been stupid do you think this he will remember? that i'm going back? and do you think i will have a second shot this time? i got a picture of him and i start to smile alot when i see it so it's gonna be hard for me to hide it anyway. was hoping you could analyze it i know it's weird but do you think he will wait? since he knows from what i said im coming back?

most of all i want to say it in person. do you think this maybe why my minde stops me? and do you know why i still believe it's a dream? i don't know why but it seems so good. and i at least leard how it is to miss some one really much.

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, very pleased to be here for you..and very sorry you had a real bad day ..I think that what he said to you really 'confirms' a great and sincere interest in you...he really wants to see you and be with you again..how wonderful is that?
I really do think from that conversation he is most likely clinging to that hope that you will mean what you said and contact him to let him know you have arrived back..
I wouldn't leave it just as a dream though..but, here is a very definite opportunity for you to turn it into reality... You can do this..and he wants you to and is I truly believe waiting for you to follow through on your 'promise' of coming back to see him again etc..
That conversation in my mind and the words he chose really does confirm this..
YOu just need to get over the 'fear' of your mind and negative thoughts on this..holding you back..But!! you can do this I have faith in you..
blessings
Karyn
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like this was a very good conversation. It also sounds positive and hopeful. He responded to you very well and seems interested.

 

He probably does remember the conversation. And if he did see you again, it would bring it back if he did forget some of it. Most people do not remember things like conversation in total, but instead remember bits and pieces. But if it was a positive experience like it sounds like, he will remember it.

 

I think if you see him again he would like that. He did say he wanted you to come back so there is no reason he would not be happy to see you. This would also be a chance to continue what you started, especially since you both had some time to think about each other in a positive light.

 

It is easy to tell you miss him. The opportunity to talk with him and make a relationship out of this is exciting. You know what the best way to handle this is and your mind and heart is telling you. The beginning of a relationship is almost always so positive and it sounds like the two of you clicked very well. Saying how you feel in person is a good way to not only hear what he has to say but to also see his body language which would help you read what he feels.

 

I am glad you remembered this conversation. It is a very positive sign.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i just thank god i got someone to talk to like you who seems to understand me. and i don't know why but every time i ask for a sign that this will be ok it shows up and i also got a feeling it will. thank you. that's what made me happy to. a thought i got from the conv it said he might be waiting. and stop questioning yourself. i'm gonna hope he still is there if i get stoped by myself again wich i'm working on. and thank you again it seems like i got to wake my self up and realize it's not a dream
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Please forgive me I got a bit tied up with another query..and thank you so much for your kind words...it makes it all worth while..
Don't forget to try those relaxation breathing exercises..they will really help and pop on some nice relaxing ..soft music..this will be of great help to you I am sure..
Well done on working through that negative self talk...you will' I know get through this..
he is waiting for you and once you cross over to his side..you will wonder why it ever took so long and why you had anything to worry about...
Kindest thoughts
Blessings
Karyn Smile
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! I am glad to help.

 

I think from the conversation you mentioned that he is there for you. It will be a very good thing when he sees you again. You have no reason not to believe that.

 

Thank you very much for your kind feedback too. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here.

 

Kate

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
I too am very pleased to be here anytime you need a bit of guidance..and feel the need..if I don't hear from you prior to your trip..take very good care..and I hope that your long time dreams are finally realized..You deserve it!!
Warmest wishes
Karyn
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Can i just ask another question. I just rememberd a bad thing and im not sure if this messed it all up. You see. When i got home 5 days later i called it was a good conversation and he said can you call tomorrow? And i said yeah. And he said thank you thank you for calling i will tell everybody that you called .But i never did can t remember the reason why i didnt it was right before the phone issue thing. And i called back about a week later . And asked this stupid question and he was more frosen at this time but i got an answer to my question more then and answer he gave me the number to his boss for the way early booking shit i was saying that wasnt what i was gonna ask.... And he sounded busy that last time . How bad is this i just rememberd it and yeah. Felt the need to ask. How bad it was and how much this got scrued up. Thank you. And if you by this as the last contact i ever had with him do you think he might forget about the rest and i have to let go of something so good that have never happend to me. I just didnt get any sleep and that poped up in my brain. Strange how the mind works. When you find out that all you ever could wish for and want in this world is to share my life with him. I know that this is the stupidest thing iv ever done in my mind. And i have been thru alot in my life.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

No problem! Ask anytime.

 

This is not stupid. It is normal to want a close relationship. To desire to be with someone you have deep feelings for is healthy and natural. Analyzing it is also normal as is having memories and details pop up at unexpected moments.

 

I think he may have reacted odd to your second call because it could have caught him off guard. He could have been busy and not thinking straight, he could have been distracted, or some other similar situation. There is no reason to think it was about you, especially since he was so kind during the first call.

 

He also may have the same feelings for you and was expecting you to say something about your feelings. That is another possibility. He expected a call the next day and might have felt disappointed to not hear from you. That sounds bad but it actually could be a good sign that he cares. And if he cares, there is a chance at a good relationship.

 

He probably did not forget the conversation, especially if he was emotionally invested in it like it seems he was. When something we do has an emotional charge to it, we tend to remember it better unless it was traumatizing. So he probably remembers. And that is ok. It just gives you another connection to him.

 

I still think based on his reactions to you that a relationship is a good possibility. And it is good that you continue to remember these contacts with him. It will give you a better sense of who he is and help you connect to him when you see him again.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So you really don't thing he has given up? That he still is waiting? And that it will be a good thing in February? That i still have a chance?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I don't see any reason to believe that he has given up. In your communication with him, he has never said don't contact me or I don't want to see you again, directly or indirectly. He has always seemed open to talking with you and open to seeing you again.

 

I think he may have put the interactions in the back of his mind for now, but I don't believe he would have forgotten them. He was emotionally involved with your last contacts and that is not easy to forget. When he sees you again, he will remember.

 

Your relationship still has a chance. Your relationship is new and that means it has a good opportunity to grow. Your communication so far has been positive and he seems from how he treated you as if he is definitely interested. You are also interested, which makes your relationship have an excellent chance.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I really want to apologize for my late response..but unfortunately its world time difference between countries..
You definitely still' have a chance with him..please know this..I know he sounded busy when you last contacted him..but, he may just have been trying to collect his own thoughts together at the time..I truly believe that at this stage he really just wants to see' you again..and be assured of your feelings for him..This would dispel all his fears and pre-supposed thoughts ..He sounds as nervous about it as you are..but, you did ring him even if it was a week later..it doesn't matter..I am really sure about this..
He is most likely just apprehensive for fear of not' being able to see you again..This was an 'instant' attraction between you both...and that's truly 'very' special..
Push those fears and self doubts now to the back of your mind..You can do this!!..and you mustn't have these spoiling any hope of re-uniting and in the future..
Warmest wishes
and kind thoughts
Karyn Smile
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i just want to say to you both that you two together are a great team. this has been a difficult time for me . and as i was crying again i realized suddently that if i didn't have this time away from him that really devastates me. because of the missing part and yeah. the fear of maybe it being over all ready . i realized that if i didn't have had the time away from him i might not have known what i now know. what i want with him and what i want and wish for him etc. and that ffact that i miss him every day is good in away because then i now know that my feelings for him is real,great,and sincere.

 

and i don't know if you believe in god but i'm sure glad he sent you two to help me thru this. you two together a perfect team and i thank you two. for beeing there

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
I am really pleased to be here for you..and I am sure I also speak for my colleague too..I see that she's not on line just now..but, we are truly pleased to be of guidance to you
I know that it sure hasn't been an easy road for you either..darn hard in fact..
And you are so right that this time away form him and the situation has proven to be very' beneficial for you..because as you say its given you time to really analyze and sit back and reflect on how you feel about him..Its been very valuable to you..and so has bought you here in a knowing that its him you really' care about and the magical' first meeting..A meeting that happened what I believe to be Divine intervention..
I am a true' believer in Jesus..and am a devout Christian..and wouldn't have it any other way..
He will also help you get through this and be a great!comfort to you..
Kind thoughts
and many blessings & His peace..
Karyn
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! I am so glad we could help. You have had a tough time with this. I think it was very brave of you to seek out support and try to work through your feelings. You deserve a wonderful relationship and I have no doubt you would make a great partner.

 

Yes, I do believe in God and I think He does bring people together for special reasons. I am glad he bought us all together to help you through this time.

 

May God bless you. I am here anytime you need to talk.

 

Take care,

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i found something online and i'm now thinking how stupid i could be

a review and it sounds like him

 

"Very nice manager! he did everything for us! Discounts for internet or even for living! When we needed hot water or something like that we got it anytime! Attentive man: was always asking if everything was fine! Was checking the rooms if nessesery!"

 

and i do remember one more thing . i he remember saying let's take a drink one time. sure that doesen't matter but i remember it it poped up in my mind.

 

i obviously blind on my self so. i guess i was really stupid and a litlle heart broken but i guess everything was nothing just something for me and i'm never gonna listen to my friends again on this thing they said he liked me but not so sure now.

i did feel like the contact i had with him was like i was in a movie and i guess it was

with all the shit on top i wrote happend in to considuration. sorry

can you analyze this to ? so i just can be sure that what i'm thinking is right so i can rip the picture ? please?

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello, please don't feel despondent...re;what you found on the internet...personally all it does is 'confirm ' that he is a really nice, helpful and friendly guy not only as a manager but also as a person...and I honesty don't think that there is anything wrong with that..
You aren't blind and please know you are not' silly..
The mere fact that he even asked you out for a drink tells me that he wants to know more about you!!! as a person not as a manager..
and how he felt when you had to leave...it really speaks to me of his wanting more than to be purely a manager for you...
The above info tells me that he is attentive to his tenants needs..this also means that he is an attentive guy..To me it doesn't mean anything more than that..
I believe that he felt a 'special' connection with you when you first met..
Please be wary about assuming or reading too much out of the review...
kind thoughts
blessings
Karyn
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am sorry what you saw made you feel so bad. But interpreting something like that can be very difficult and easily taken the wrong way.

 

You never know how things will turn out. Taking something you see and assuming it means something in particular can be dangerous. People tend to interpret things according to their own point of view. So if you have been hurt before, you will assume something you see or hear is going to mean you will be hurt again. And that is not true.

 

Take this with a grain of salt. It does not mean anything about how he feels about you. And even if it did, things can change in a heartbeat. Many times, people can interpret one thing then later find out the other person feels completely different.

 

Have hope and hang in there. Do not feel down and think you are not worthy of happiness. You are, just as much as anyone else. In the meanwhile, be good to yourself. Try to think good thoughts. Tell yourself only positive messages and immerse yourself in positive activities. Take care of yourself. You will feel better for it and be able to put a little distance between this incident and how you feel right now.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello, and I must completely agree with Kate's comments on this..Please know that you ARE worthy and you are deserving of hope, happiness and for fillment... there is always hope and I believe that there is exactly this in store for you..Please don't let any previous hurts or disappointments ever!!stop you from seeking this ..it only means to rob you of this..
Believe in self!! you are 'special' to God believe in that..
and take very good care now..
many blessings & His peace..
Karyn Smile
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

ok yeah i can that now i just started to think wierd again. when i look back at this and what karyn wrote i can see that i over reacted and should almost think i was psychotic

i just started thinking that i was really gone and that i started thinking maybe about i got decieved by what people told me. and i got some imput thoughs like the last of what i remember and i trow it away. and yes i em afraid of being hurt. since i felt this as special and how it felt etc.

 

what im afraid of is the thought of this being an illusjon of some sort and i guess this cought my eye to make this a big confirmation.

 

but i did think that ok maybe i'm really silly and should probebly ask since it seems like i'm afraid of the "thought of illusjon" i have been lied to alot in my life time maybe this is why i reacted this way. but i'm gald i saw that i might be havinga fogy vision and asked

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It is easy to believe that you see something that way because you are so fearful of it being an illusion. So when you see what you feel is evidence that supports your fears, you jump on it. Almost everyone does this so you are not psychotic or overreacting.

 

Fears can make you feel upset to the point that you react strongly to what you see or hear. That is the nature of fear. It takes hold and doesn't let go easily. It is good you reached out and asked for help. That is a very healthy reaction to what you experienced.

 

It is ok to be afraid that it is all an illusion. Because it is healthy to question everything in your life. Very few things are sure things. So you look at something like this at many different angle to be sure you see all possibilities. Add fear to that and it begins to feel out of control. But you are doing very well. You are handling this in a very healthy way. You are thinking it through, asking for help and taking one step at a time.

 

Try taking a step back for a little while and giving yourself a break. Sometimes that can give you a new perspective.

 

Kate

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello, things from a hurtful past can has a negative effect on our thoughts at different times..and this is a bit like self sabotage...self defeating thinking..or a thinking that someone that hurt you before was going to come back and hurt you now ..
But, a way of thinking about this is to say to yourself this is something new..a new guy in my life..a different situation , different meeting...he's not the same as the other one or the one that hurt and disappointed me...So I won't listen to these thoughts..because they are a rubber band back my past ...This is the here and now and I don't have to listen to negative self talk..Every situation is different...
Just need to remind yourself of this when you feel that same old feeling or thoughts creeping back in again..
Many blessings
Karyn
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
. Can you take a analysis of me? Because I'm wondering if this is a nut job thing i was thinking. And what does this tell you. Is it highly unusual . And is this not healthy or insane?. Ok. You see a late night after all of the daily duties i was about to go to sleep and i started thinking. Ok i hope he's ok. And suddenly i thought if he wasn't and i could i would carry all he's pains just as long as he was ok. You know take pains away. An so as if i could i would give him all the good dreams and i could sleep with all the nightmares just as long he had the good ones.etc. And i started thinking is this crazy? And know what i thought was true that i would sacrifice all the good dreams etc. So what would you two say about this? Is this crazy? Never experienced some thing like this before. And got a little spooked if i was sick or something. because i never have had this for anyone before. and what does this tell about me? And what does this analysis tell? Thank you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

This is not crazy. Feelings of love are highly emotional and make us feel many different things. When we fall in love with someone, it's often considered "crazy" love because of the high and intense emotions that are associated with it. We want to give our all to the other person. We want them to be happy and we are willing to share in their pain or even take it away for them. We feel an overwhelming tender and sincere feeling for another person. That motivates us to put ourselves aside in order to connect to that person.

 

Right now, you are just at the beginning of your connection to him. This is when ideals of the other person are at their highest. We do not see flaws, conflicts or even the basic human nature of people when we are first falling in love. Everything is good and everything is intense. This helps establish the connection that people who fall in love eventually feel for one another. Your wish for him to be safe and be happy is completely normal. You feel a connection and it creates in you a need to put him first.

 

Love does sometimes make you feel crazy. But truly crazy people do not question themselves or their motives. They feel they are right and everyone else is wrong or crazy to even question them. So you are normal in feeling the way you do.

 

Kate

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Ok thank you started to wonder since i never have had this for anyone beforr. Even though i have had a relationship before. But i never had. Any of this for anyone. Makes me wonder. And I'm glad to here this is normal. And i just got another popup memory i remember i was saying that i was thinking of getting something. And he said yes you should do that. You can you can use my address as your mailing address and i will shipp it to you. Is this also a big hallo? What can i say about this? This is the absolute last of the sweet things he did

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome!

 

It sounds like the fact that he was allowing you to use his address means he wants to stay connected to you. If you used his address, that would mean he would have a good excuse to keep having contact with you in order to deliver your mail to you. It is a good way to guarantee future contact. A very good sign he likes you! And it is very sweet.

 

Kate

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Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi there, very sorry for my somewhat late input to your concerns..as have had a family funeral to attend to..
But, I see my colleague has also been of help to you in this...Please know that you are definitely not crazy or going crazy...but that 'in spirit' you have a very real and true 'connection' with this young guy...so much so that you just want to take any' or all of his pain away for him...This is how much' you truly care about him and is not unusual...you are willing' to sacrifice your 'all' for him right down to suffering for him...
It truly sounds to me like when you 'fall' for someone as nice and genuine as this guy you..reciprocate by giving your all in return..A caring, honest, and true relationship is based on such love, care and concern..Very rare and hard to come by these days...and its about give and take in kindness and concern...
There aren't very many people who would give out their email address to those they have only meet...and really believe that he senses within you a trusting, genuine and honest loving person...and most of all he doesn't want to let that or you go!!
Couldn't ask for more..just a matter of building on that now..in the future..
So hang in there...won't you..
God bless and keep you always..
Kind thoughts
KarynSmile
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes i will hang in there. I know in my heart that what i have for him is something i never want to lose. Or want to let go off. I have even prayed to god to help me guide me thru this. And that i really appreciate you two's expertise. It has helped my tremendously. More then you two would ever know. Without you two i would have been more lost and insecure. And might have lost alot of info on my curriculum as I'm seeking an associates degree in criminal justice. because i had these questions about my self. And what iv experienced .one thing is for sure i wouldn't want to let go of it ever. Not only because of the feeling of goodness' and pure happiness . But also because of this amazing man that i never thought existed. Like i tought i can't believe he was there last year to when i was in LA and i was only minutes away from were he is. And i didn't know he existed. But i was really lucky to meet him this year. And to get you two here. Thank you
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Its wonderful to know that you 'have through this' found out much more about yourself...there is a very tried and true' saying that we only find our identity in and through others' and our relationship with people...I truly believe that this is what 'life ' and living is all about really..the more I have to do with others..this is what has come through..
I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX all the very best in your seeking an associates degree in criminal justice..that is wonderful news and you 'will' do it because you are now beginning to 'believe' in 'self' and you will be a great!! asset in God's work..
Trust also in Him for He careth for you and will ' always be there for you...
I am positive that Kate' my colleague only wish you 'every' success' not only in new beginnings of your relationship but your future goals and dreams...as I do..Without these we are all lost...
God bless you...and He truly is there and hears your prayers..
Warmest wishes
Karyn
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Can i please ask you one more thing?

Because my grandmother started to say that

What i have experienced is just costumer service at a high level like back in the days . Can you confirm or disconfirm this? I know she was wrong about what she said about me that i have nothing for him. But she shoke me up a little sorry about this. Im just stupid i guess

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi and Merry Christ'mas strange as that must have been meant to be, as just received your email through to me at this very moment.....Yes, of course you are very' welcome to ask anything...Please know that you are 'not 'silly 'this is very important for you to know..Human kind being made of God are definitely not' silly or stupid, God is of high intelligence and this means that you are too!!! ..so please don't believe this, about yourself..
Personally and professionally, I truly don't believe that this young guy is simply pouring out to you a high level of charm in order to simply 'be of 'service' or help to you...
One reason I say this, is that I am pretty sure that he would not allow all in sundry to use his email address ..as that could be bedlam for him,and not a wise move But!! with you he saw a lovely young woman whom he liked!! and trusted immediately..To me this is a very' personal and interpersonal gesture alone to make..Apart from all the other personal gestures he has made to you over this period of time..Plus I am sure he has in house professional work ethics and protocol that he also needs to comply with, so as to draw the line between what is professional and what is becoming a little too 'personal or involving with clients...If this is true for him then he has well and truly over stepped the mark in your case and with you..Because I have never' heard of someone 'stepping' out as much as he has or literally bending over 'backwards so much with regards XXXXX XXXXX or your own needs..
Believe me he is very interested..you just need to tell yourself this and know it in your heart..
Hope this has proved of help my dear...believe in 'self' and your what inner heart tells you...but watch out for the 'head' thoughts

God bless you & keep you ..
Karyn J
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Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!

 

Of course you can ask anything you need to. Support is very important, especially when someone says something to hurt you.

 

Everyone has an opinion. And if you tell 100 people about your situation you will get 100 opinions. But in your case, there is evidence that this person is interested in you. He would not show this interest if there was no feelings behind it. People do not just go around handing out personal information and inviting others to contact them at random, especially between men and women. Men typically will only do this if they are interested because they understand the implications.

 

You have a genuine concern about how to read this relationship. You asked for help and got experienced input about what you felt. You backed it up with the facts of the situation. While no one can predict what another person will do, you can make a pretty good guess based on behavior. And that is what you have done. You took what you knew about the situation and got input and made the best guess at behavior. There is nothing wrong with that. It is done everyday, especially in psychology.

 

Take your grandmother's opinions with a grain of salt. She is certainly allowed to have them and has experience to guide her. But she also may have other motivations that you are not aware of. Her heart may have been broken before or she may be damaged emotionally herself. Saying you have nothing for him is a way to strike out at you. That tells you that there is more behind what she is saying than interest in helping you.

 

Kate

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
marry christams to you to strange i wannted to say it earlier but didn't get the chance . but now i did. thank you. and can i also share with you that to be perfactly honest i'm terrified almost up the level were i'm thinking of cancelling the trip. not far off that point. or to just get another place to stay. and the thing is even though my grandmother says that you don't care about him and you can get anyone else even if that was true that i could that i don't want to have anyone else. i'm not to sure what i'm trying to say other then that i'm terrified . and i want to say that i have had i bad past that i always looked at as good but everyone else saw it differently. and after i meet him i saw what the others saw about my past and i was able to let it go. but i'm scared and now it's like i don't want to ask god what's next becasue i'm a litle afraid to see what that might me. and the scary thing that my grandmother also said was you meet him so god could teach you a lesson. but i allready knew who i was and what i stood for my values etc. but i'm now terrified of if i should go back wich my grandmother say i must not do because "then if you go back your just cutting open his scars" "then you are just mean to him" and i started teling myself that i felt so bad for him that he meet me and poor him because i love him". but what i want to is to see those beautifull eyes again and hear his wonderfull laughter again and so whit his smile. and to day i looked at his picture and noticed his beautifull ears for the first time. and sat there smiling. and she heard me cery because i miss him and i'm also afraid she is going to pray to make me lose what i have for him wich i don't want. and yeah i'm terrified of my grand mother is right that he has moved on. etc. do you think i should go back? i can say i have never such a feeling for some one? and do you think i would be bad for him?
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
I definitely don't think that you are bad for him..nor bad for anyone else...and I believe that God does not punish us that way..at all...Our God is a truly caring, loving and wants only the best for us..To be perfectly honest with you and without going against your grand mother and what she believes...I accept her opinion, but I believe that not only from a spiritual, professional and personal basis...Your relationship or the possibility for your relationship with this young guy is not over until its over!! and its not dead until its dead!!
My belief is that there is nothing to suggest that it is over or that its is dead!!!..
True, grant you we do find ourselves; in and through the lives of others..and some people are meant to go and some stay..But!! the fear factor can also be a complete destroyer of joy and a happy for filing future if you let it get out of control ...
From what I gather you really do care and have deep feelings for this guy...and you don't have to prove that to anyone accept him!!..
I truly don't believe that you were bought into his life to make him sad or miserable...no, definitely not...but rather only to discover your own depth of what could be possible for you both!! together in the future...You must believe that you are truly worthy of happiness... not misery...
I don't know if he has moved on with his life...sometimes life propels us onwards as it needs to so that we keep going, but the memory is long ( for many people) and I cannot believe that he no longer thinks about you...
The God I know, will not take away or interfere/or punish us in something He permits in the first place...My God doesn't work like that...Its true that we need to learn from one another..but through that can be much joy, hope and happiness too when exploring life with each other in it..ups and downs but that's life.
Your grandmother does not know what he is doing just like we don't..but, you must give this a chance ..or you could miss out ( on what might have been, and may well feel much guilt/upset.. as a result )...Don't cancel...give it a chance you may be sorry you didn't and glad if you do!!
Its only an opinion..and you need to know that you are as deserving of happiness with this young guy as we all are... in life..!!!Give yourself a chance and try not to discuss your feelings with family...they may come through as negative...Most of all watch that you don't become influenced by them..
Give it all to God and seek not only His strength but guidance..He will never leave you and will help you...
Blessings & may He strengthen you
Karyn
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Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like your grandparents have their own issues and they are putting them on you. What they are saying is not about you. And what they are saying is very discouraging. If you have been exposed to them your whole life, then it may be why you question yourself now. With that kind of input, you are going to feel that you do not deserve to be happy or even deserve to try for happiness. But you do.

 

Your grandparents opinion is just that, an opinion. They cannot predict what will happen with your relationship and they certainly know less than you do about it. You are in it, and you know what passed between you and this man. You know how you feel about him too. And that is important. Your feelings are real. And you deserve a chance at this relationship. Will it turn out perfect? No one knows. But to not even try would be much worse. Then you will always wonder what could have happened, and that would cause you pain the rest of your life. At least by trying, you will know. You can live with the results regardless of how it turns out. If you do end up together, then you will be happy. But even if you don't, you will mourn the loss and move on. It won't be easy but you will at least have tried, and that says that beyond all discouragement, you made the effort.

 

God is there for you. You can pray to him for the best turnout. He knows you and he understands your grandparents. Your grandparents can pray all they want for whatever outcome they wish for, but God is in control. If this relationship is meant to be, then nothing can change that, even someone praying against it.

 

Don't give up. You can do this. I will be here for you no matter what happens.

 

Kate

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeah you two are right. I'm not gonna be influenced by my grandmother. My mother does not have any contact with here and as i now remember my mother has told me in the past to take what she says with a grain of salt. And i don't think he would suddenly stock your fridge with the food i bought when i only asked him how to turn it on without even asking. But it was really sweet. don't think he does that for everybody. as i just remembered. And i want to wish you two a happy new year.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I agree! All the evidence is there that he wanted to make a connection with you. And he would not make an effort otherwise. Your mother is right, a grain of salt is the best way to approach your grandmother.

 

Happy New Year to you too!

 

Kate

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your New Year wishes...I am truly happy that you are only going to take what your grandmother has said with a 'pinch' of salt' ...everything she has said about this young man and you is not beneficial to you...You need positive people and positive input in your life..as this will be important to you and will help to 'uplift' you at the same time..
God will not be manipulated by any ones prayers..He has bought you in touch with this young guy for a purpose..What that purpose is no ones knows..Thats why it is good for you to find out ..take a chance and He will lead you from there..
He only has the best in mind for you...know this and trust in this..and I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX 'every' blessing for a great and exciting New Year too...Smile
Warmest wishes
Karyn

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm starting to think maybe my grandmother she is right. Because i haven't called. And that it's over because of it. As i now have looked thru for an airplane ticket and i found the same route in. I wanted to ask you since you were the one to respond to my question" do you really think that the stupid thing i did with asking both times for if it was possible to book a year in advance doesn't matter and may have been forgotten? Because i remember so good he saying why don't you just do it online the last time i called. And i felt so embarrassed and it felt like it was over. Do you think he has forgotten that part? My really supportive father say that from that he just knows that you like him. But i can help feel it's over because i haven't called him at all. Because i realized how stupid i have been. So i em a little afraid my grandmother is right. I did hang up on here. But i didn't tell her the reason why. Because I'm afraid of sitting back with the same feeling and i haven't sent a letter which i thought about doing because I'm afraid of being looked at as crazy. Like this who sends a letter to a hotel? What a crazy person. Etc. You see he lives there.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I do not believe your grandmother is right. Your grandmother's motivation is to hurt you and make you doubt yourself. She is hurt herself and this is how she deals with it, by making you feel bad about yourself and doubt what you are doing. It's like someone who is unhappy because they were hurt so now no one else can be happy. Listening to her is only going to make you feel bad and do nothing to help you. If your grandmother was trying to help you, she would take your feelings into account and offer objective advice. But that is not what she is doing.

 

It is easy to question yourself over this. You haven't had any way to know how he feels because you have not seen him in a while. It's very easy to assume he has forgotten you and doesn't like you. But his last impression of you was good. He encouraged you to contact him. You felt the attraction between you. Otherwise, you would not be feeling the way you do now. It is just as likely he still remembers you and wants to see you as the opposite. Actually, it is more likely since your last impression together was so good.

 

You may want to consider sending him a simple hi. It may make you feel better making that connection. Let him know how much you enjoyed seeing him last time and maybe let him know about your trip. It would provide you with some peace of mind and give you reassurance about your trip.

 

Although it's easy to believe the worst, the best is just as likely to happen. Try to stay positive. Listen to people like your father who are supportive and helpful. Believe in yourself most of all. Your feelings are telling you that this is worth it. And it is.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thank you for the idea you now light a fire in me to write a letter since i remember i got such a positive respons on the first one. can i share this letter with you and you can come back to me with your thought on it? before i send it?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Yes, of course! No problem.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i wrote this:

 

hi i wanted to wish you a happy new year even if i was a little late out to mail it to you. since i got back home to norway i have had some difficulties and some chalanges but i'm always up for a chalange. never say no. i have had some phone issues and problems with my work thinking of quitting my job within music and start something else. in the u.s were i feel i belong.

 

i hope you and max have had a good start on the new year 2012. who knows what will happend this year.

can't wait to find out...

 

best wishes:my name

 

241

 

added 241 because that was my room number at the motel. what do you think? do you think he will be happy for the letter if we guess on the behavior. and the way he responded to my note witch was a letter to him.?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That sounds like a good letter. You may want to explain the 241 further if you are at all unsure he would remember it. But if you feel he will, then let it go as is. You may also want to ask something about him, just to show interest and to see if he will respond to you. Maybe something like "I hope this letter finds you doing well. How is your family?" Or something personal along those lines.

 

But other than that, your letter sounds pleasant, friendly and hopeful. I think he will respond well to it.

 

Kate

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you. I have now also added how are you? And hope i can stay again?

Thank you for analyzing my letter :-)

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I agree with Kate on this...it is true that your grandmother ( though she may mean well )..has handled her own situations in the past the same way that she is and has been telling you to handle yours...( that most likely because she has had bad emtional experiences then your must be to)..This is not helpful or encouraging advice for you sadly, and so you must reject and take what she advices with a pinch of salt'..otherwise this will not lead you down a road to the happiness you deserve or to believe in yourself..or even be 'self empowering...Please beware!! of this advice..You are a very worthy and intelligent girl and that I believe is what this young guy sees in you too...Apart from the immediate attraction to each other in the first place..Don't discard that or throw it away...
Self doubt has shown itself to be the down fall of what may have been by way of happiness for many.. and self denial...You can ' do this I know you can you can 'lift' yourself up and over your grand mothers negative opinion..
If you haven't already written to him...let him know of one or two of those thoughts of endearment you have had re: his kindness and helpful offers made to you in the past..i.e . the use of his personal email address..something like 'that was very kind of you to do that because no one has ever offered that to me before..
This may encourage him to let you know a little more of how he may feel deep down inside.. But, please don't kill' something or let go of what may still' exist..He just needs to know most probably what is happening in your life and if you still' think about him..
You are both' frightened of 'rejection' or feeling silly so much so that you could end up 'moving on without finding out for sure..
Please know that you aren't going crazy...not are you silly...but one thing I know is that whatever God does in our lives...He 'NEVER' makes mistakes..
Sorry about this delay but its New Years day over here..
Happy New Years day to you to ...Make this your New Years resolution to yourself ..that to be around the positive influences more in your life...
and to give this a chance..
Many Blessings and take good 'self care now..
Karyn Smile

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Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome!

 

Those are both perfect additions to your letter! I think he will like hearing from you.

 

Please let me know how it goes. Happy New Year!

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i took your advice to karyn about writting something of endearment. not sure i if made it but i wrote:
"i remember the days ever since...

like it was yester day..." on the back with my address

im going to shipp it tomorrow with DHL if that doesn't scream to much.

 

thank you i will let you two know what happends if i get a responding letter

 

thank you both

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I think that is an excellent addition to your letter. You are saying that you remember being with him in the past and you feel it had a powerful effect on you and left you with good memories, so much so that it seems like it happened yesterday. If I received a letter with that written on it, I would feel flattered and emotionally moved by it. It would also tell me that the person remembers me fondly XXXXX XXXXX our relationship.

 

It does not add too much to your letter because it is said in such a way that it is simple yet gets the point across. You are not adding a paragraph, which would be too much. Just a simple line that says a lot. Plus, you leave the option open to him to respond in kind if he wishes.

 

This is a good step that you are taking. I imagine it is frightening, yet thrilling at the same time!

 

I appreciate you letting me know what happens.

 

Kate

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
I think that sounds excellent and it will help him and you both to re-connect' through past reminders of 'yesterday' you have thought it out very well and that's a credit to you..just to jell his memory but, somehow I believe that he remembers you and your meeting 'very' well...
Would dearly love to know what his response is and I will keep you in my thoughts each day and prayers..
Scary step to take but one that needed to be taken..
God bless and warmest wishes and always' glad to have helped you in any way..
KarynLaughing
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

i have now mailed the letter. and feel a litlle better. the post office said it should be there in 3-5 days. but i did add one more thing to the letter right under my address i wrote

 

"ps:if you got your pc fixed and have skype and want to talk feel free to add me.

skype id: "

 

but that i kind of regret because then he can think ok the only way i can respond is on skype. and that it was way to much.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello!

 

What you did is not a bad thing. Actually, it's a good idea. It lets him know you are open to talking with him. It also leaves the ball in his court. The fact that you offered Skype as an option is fine too. He now has two ways to respond, letter or Skype. He can choose a response by letter if he feels too shy or reserved to talk to you face to face, and he can choose Skype if he is comfortable with that level of contact. So you did just fine.

 

I know it's hard when you open yourself up like you did and express your feelings to someone, especially when you don't know them well. You are leaving yourself vulnerable. But I can tell you that from knowing what you said to him in your letter and the further communication you provided on your envelope, this is a very positive thing you did. You were very friendly, non threatening (if he is in any way shy he won't feel intimidated by your letter) and very open to hearing from him. If I was on the receiving end of your letter, I would feel very positive about it. He would have to be a very unkind person to see your letter as anything but friendly and warm.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hi, Smile I think that your letting him know that you are 'also' available via skype contact is a very helpful thing to suggest to him..what it really means is that you have provided 'another' means of him contacting you and there is nothing wrong with that..He sounds like an extrovert really and would more than likely truly appreciate your suggesting this..
Either way it just gives him an 'open' door by which to communicate better with you should he choose this..Please don't think you will frighten him off..He doesn't sound to me to frighten easily..Well done on 'stepping out' I don't think he will need much time to think about it...It really just means that you would like to hear back from him by whatever way suits him..The 'ball' so to speak is in his court now...
Blessings and warmest wishes
Karyn
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
he asked me kind off if i wanted to marry him.
he say "maybe we should get married january 19th 2014. and i said yes. abut the stupid thing eas that i started joking around it. but i thought he was joking because that's what i want i wanted him to ask. so i didn't believe it. he has always been saying don't joke about getting married and he once say we cannot get married .what can i do to repair this and maybe get him to ask again? should i say tomorrow i dreamt about that we got married? i'm hopeless. and since we last talked i also got 15 695 usd in debt. that makes my maybe a mistake today make it feel worse -_-
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, it's good to talk with you again!

I would just let him know that you were scared when he asked you to marry him. That is not only the truth, but it helps him understand that you want to trust but feel frightened about doing so. Trusting is a common issue, especially in relationships, so he should understand. And by being so open, you are very believable, which I think he will appreciate.

I am sorry to hear about your debt. Is it possible to get some help with your money? Maybe contact a non profit credit counseling agency to help. I think your local government might be able to help you.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
do you think he was just joking?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
it all started With me sayin wow it's the 19th. then he said it so it could have benn an obious joke bu on the other hand. he has told me earlier kind of don't joke With it. so im not sure if it was for real or not. and when i told him if you ask me i will say yes. then he just made a cute face
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It doesn't sound like he was joking but maybe that he was seeing how you would react. Or he could have been scared himself to even ask and said it in a joking way because then he could say he was just joking if you responded with anger or ignored him.

I think if you tell him about what we talked about before, that you were scared yourself, you will get more information about his intentions and know how he stands with this. But just by him bringing it up means it is on his mind in one way or another.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i wanted to give yiu a small update. he haven't mentioned the thing about that we are engaged in 3 days now. today i was stupid as i usaly em. i was looking around at the mall. and ended up just looking for engagement rings by myself just to se because i was so excited. but since he didnt say ant thing about it even today. i just look at it as i'm a stupid idiot and that it was all a joke. i feel severly dissappointed now. almost teary but hey that what happens when Your stupid. Wonder when im gonna stop With it.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello,

You are not stupid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. You are happy to be with someone you love and are showing your excitement by looking at the rings. Everyone does that. It's very normal to be happy about it and not be able to wait.

The issue is having to wait until he says something. That makes it hard and it also gives him a lot of power. You are half of the relationship so it is ok to say something about how you feel. How he responds says a lot about who he is. If he is happy with you, then that gives you both a connection. If he is not, then there is something going on with him that he needs to deal with. But try to keep in mind, this is not something you did. You are reacting normally. You want to be close and be happy. And that is just fine.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i just posted "now i'm sick and tired... goodnight! :) " on my facebook wall and he responded instantly.



 

:Soplino why are u sick and tired?

 

i'm sick and tired of all the bullshit People want to tell me late night. so i just want to sleep.

 

Did you speak with your dad?

 

not tonight but 3 4 days ago. now it's imposible to talk With him again so i give him up

 

please stop doing bad to you
you know your dad is this way

 

i know. it's just that i em a stupid believer when it comes to him

 

No it is just that you love him and you want to speak with him
but you have to be more eaasy going ;)

 

You are smart

 

 

of course i didn't tell the real reason. why i posted it. but atleast it shows that he cares about me

 

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
That definitely shows he cares about you! And it is a very insightful and supportive post as well. He seemed totally focused on you and was offering comforting words the whole time. If this is how he typically treats you, then it sounds like he loves you very much.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for supporting that belief he is coming back from a business trip on saturday. That's when i see him again. He is dealing with alot down there now. But what to say to my best friend anne about this is going to be harder. That it was just me being stupid. How can i get a subscription here? I can't find where
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!

You can talk with the moderators about a subscription. They can guide you on how to get one and what categories they are used in. And if you post a new question and want to talk to a certain person, just put their name in front of your question so they see it and other therapists don't answer.

Let me know if I can help further,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hash and zyprexa is that Dangerous? togheter. i mean zyprexa is an anti psycotic medicin and hash makes you psycotic... what happens if on zyprexa and smoke hash? i need to escaape for one day and there is no other way then a joint. right now. and im on zyprexa 5 mg
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I have never heard of anyone reacting to that combination but you may want to check with your doctor first. Everyone reacts differently to medications and you are introducing a new one into your system. How you as an individual react to that combination depends very much on your system and how you metabolize medications. It is probably not a good idea until you get input from your doctor.

If you are feeling the need to escape, you may want to try some other way such as taking a day off and going somewhere else, calling someone or getting lost in a good movie or favorite music. If you need to physically leave then a short trip might be a good idea. Those choices are healthier for you. If you start turning to drugs as a way to cope it may make things worse in the long run.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok thank you because i have some hash for 2 joints an im afraid the zyprexa + hash will make me totaly mental by seeing tins or something. i teory it should not be possible to be hallusive since its working in my system. the thing is i dont have any Place to Escape for a day or so and the hash only Works 2 3 hours on me and my effects is that my thought stop i dont notice them. and i so incredibly tired and when i smoked 2 weeks ago i finaly relaxed in 1 year
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
if i dont get some rest i will og crazy. im already to the point where i dont want to have to Wake up and just sleep
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It can be very hard when you are so tense and upset that you just want relief. If you can check with your doctor, it may be that he/she clears you for combing the two drugs. But until then, you may want to try some other stress relieving techniques. Here is one you may want to give a try:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome!

This may also help you:

http://stress.about.com/od/Stress-Management-How-To/ht/How-To-Relax-Physically-And-Emotionally.htm

Kate






May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi it's lill me again wantng to Write you. 1 month ago the 4th of may i broke up With him. i could not take it anymore. don't really know where to start but. my psychologist said if i had a man like that i would og crazy to. well the Whole mess started when he got this idea about tresomes. he wanted it and would not back Down. he also told me if you dont do this tresome i know myself i will start to cheat. and right before the day before or 2 days before we were leaving for italy togheter as a Our first trip togheter i had some "anxiety" and went to sleep because i knew he was looking for a man to do a tresome. so when i was laying there on the bed he pushed me "awake" and said there is a guy out there for a tresome i responded to it With what? so he said it was a man out there for a tresome. i told him stricktly to make him og away and said Your just gonna have to hate me, and when i walked to remove this person he said to himself so i could here it "what kind of persone have i messed myself into now" he disappeard and said i dont hate you. and we fell asleap woke up toke the plane first to rome then to his home in sicaly we had a beautiful trip. he was most amaing person Down there meet his Family i loved them and they loved me without having the ability to comunicating With them proparly witout him translating. all was Perfect. then on the plane from Catania, sicaly airport to Milano once the plane started to back out of the terminal i thought "oh my god back home to all these problems" so i got an anxiety attack on the plane. he was gental and suporting he took good care of me. he thought i would have developed diabetes since everytime i got somthing sugary it seemd to lett this fainting feeling go away. when i had one he even yelled at a guy to move because i felt fainting. later back at the hotel he tried this tresome stuff again looking for men. i said "oh here im fainting again" to avoid it. so i took a bath and he used the scrub on me vary sweet. when we got home he wanted me to overnight at his place to the day after then go home. but i waneed to go the same day because i knew he would try this tresome stuff again like he did before we left to italy so got spooked by thath thought and said no i have to go to the doctor.

after all this.: he didnt want to come to me unless i had some hash for him. the last time i tried to og to him i got an anxiety panic attack on the bus so i had to og out imidiatlyhe then told me on the phone " dont worry about it Your not stupid and i can just come to you" well he never did pluss he had said awhile ago i dont love you. and the last one i cant see myself happy With you anymore. so to forward to the 4th of may. i told my new to be step father about what he did With the tresome stuff and that he critizized me all the time either i was dressed to elegant like i usaly dress nothing seemed to be right. so my new to be step father took and asked me "where havent you been in a loong time?" i replied With Kragerø so he drowe me there in sted off to massimiliano.. on the way back i wrote my breake up Message saying the followon : " i break up. i think that's best. Your a Nice guy and i do love you i do. but i think it's the best. it's gonna be vary difficult for me. i love you mostro ciao <3 and please don't contact it will only make it more difficult for me. i cry as i Write this Message. ciao XXXXX XXXXX trollino. me and life went to Kragerø. U wanted this. :) sent 5/4, 5:42 p.m. i did not send it streight away because i was afraid of the lose of this love i love so dearly. so i got a frind over to my home. thwn massimiliano started to Call me wich i refused to answer and he sent me a Message asking me "are you ok" i said no. then he asked me "are you comming?" then i said no and streight after i said no to coming he was online at this dating page looking for other to have sex With i saw in his status. that was when i saw that i sent the breake up Message. i saw a couple of days later on that page in his status it said "trollino abandoned me" something that broke my heart and soul. because i didnt want to breake up With him. so i sent him a letter explaining Things. that i got afraid etc. and that i miss you . he replied the day after i sent it in the mail he replied thank you it makes me feel better after this letter etc. but that was when Things turned to dark again he started shouting at me. calling me a whore etc. because i dated another one after i broke up With him that i did og out With once. and that another guy yesterday came along and commented on my Picture With "hot and sexy :)" didnt make matters better because he had commented on the same photo before. so he got a notafication of anotherf comment so then he proceeded With calling me a whore a slut etc. even though i told him over and over again im not looking for seg. he just called me a lier. and biggest lier ever. so that was it for that then i blocked him on facebook. didnt dear to see what more he was thinking of writing. right before i blocked him i said believe what you want" then i blocked him. now im just sitting here confused and hurt even though there are nor many tears im a mess inside. he even had 6 condoms in his gym back wich he carried around on work trips and to the gym etc i found out before we left for italy because i was taking a shower and he told me that the soap was in his gym bag so obiously i opened the wrong Pocket because there was six condoms and vaselin. did not confront him about it. was to scared to so yes that's my history i wanted to share :)

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, it's nice to hear from you again!

It sounds like he turned out to be very focused on himself and not on the two of you together or even just you. His insistence on having a threesome with you even though you expressed you were not interested and his calling you names and possibly cheating on you all indicate that he was only focused on himself and what he wanted. It is good you left the relationship. This was not going in a healthy direction.

Your psychologist was correct, being with someone who is so self focused and hurtful with how he treats you is only going to make you unhappy. Even if you kept trying with this man, he was not going to see you as someone who has your own needs and rights. He was probably going to keep trying to push you into situations where you felt uncomfortable even if you resisted. It would not be unusual for someone like this man to keep pushing until you got hurt emotionally and/or physically.

His change in behavior from your trip and when you got back home is probably due to his ability to be charming when it serves him. Many people who are self centered are able to focus on their partners as long as they can see some benefit to it for themselves.

You were right to end this relationship. It was only going to cause you heartache and pain the longer it went on. Give yourself time to grieve. This may hurt for a while. But remind yourself that you did a good thing for yourself and saved yourself much pain. In time, this will pass and you will feel better.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you for the reply and stating that i did right by leaving him even now it's still vary hard.

and i want to share something but not sure if it's negative but i want to open up and say that im not a girl im a boy at the age of 22 gay. hope this dont impact bad as deciving but i feelt like i deard to tell you now. and thanks alot for beeing there reding my problems it have helped more then you can ever imagine. so thank you. felt safe enough to say it now. and a positive side is that this was my first relationship that lasted for a tiny little over 1 year :)

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for letting me know. It is not easy to open up and take a risk so I appreciate that you did with me. And I thank you for your trust :)

You did do a good thing by getting out of this relationship. And know that it is an excellent sign that you saw what was happening and took care of yourself by leaving.

I am so glad I can be here to help. Anytime you want to talk, let me know.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
and last week he wanted to meet me and overnight but said no just as i said no to it here the other day about Meeting up. thank you.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Keep saying no to him. He may be trying to look for a way in to hurt you again. And be aware he may also try to charm you. That is not unusual. The more you can block him the better.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi i wanted to ask you a questtion about anxiety medication. im on 30mg mirtzapin 25 mg atarax 10mg zyprexa but still i get severe anxiety cant even og to the store lately. and i have some 10 mg tabelets of oaxzepam (Sobril) the doctor told my mother i can use it in combination With my current medication. but im a little sceptic to the oaxzepam because im afraid i will get a high or get high on them. is this correct? and i have also decided to get a beautiful heart warming kitten just beautiful :)

thank you

 

and this guy my ex still bother me With oh we have to meet over text to bad he dont get the point that i cant be With him even if i wanted to. anyways i dont know what he want's me after he said he dont love me so Wonder what he wants me.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello!

I wish I could help with your medication situation but your question is better asked of a psychiatrist/doctor who would understand the interactions of the medicines and your medical history. Your general doctor would know as well. I can help with medications in general, such as what are the most common anxiety medications or which medications do most people find effective, but for a specific question it is better that your doctor answer it for you. I want you to get the best care possible.

A new kitten is a wonderful idea! A pet can help you feel less alone, provide affection and taking care of an animal can help reduce anxiety and depression. Let me know what you decide to name him/her.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex is still bothering you. It is not uncommon for ex partners who were abusive to continue to try to contact you after a break up. They often do not understand boundaries and therefore feel it is ok to keep after you. They also may have gotten some satisfaction from the relationship, no matter how dysfunctional it was, and they want to continue acting as they did before. And it can also be because of control issues. When an ex disregards XXXXX XXXXX and hurts you, they do it to control you. When you leave the relationship, they still continue to try to control you in some way and try to entice you back so they can return to the destructive pattern you both were in during the relationship.

It is best to ignore any texts, emails or other attempts at communication. Unless he is willing to change and get help for his behavior, you will be going back to the same treatment you had before so answering or even considering going back usually will end up as it did before. If possible, change your number or call your company for ideas on how to block his number. That way, you can not only get some peace but you can send a message that you are done with the relationship.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you kate for the answer. i will tell ou the name im going to give the kitten i have had cats since i was small and this cat just seemed to warm me inside and was a cat i really wanted to give it all to. and i have heard it's great for treatment as well and they keep you good Company and are loving :) i will maybe get the cat tomorrow cant wait :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! Enjoy the kitten :)

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hi kate! :) got the kitten today :) it's a boy and named it nick (my bestfriend's suggestion wich i agree on) here are some photos of the kitten made this album if you are allowed to watch it :) http://www.myalbum.com/Album=YSKKWQI4
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Oh my gosh, he is so cute! So fluffy and small :) Thank you for sending the pictures. Enjoy him!

Kate
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Hi i wonder is it dangerous to drink a couple of wine glasses and take my meds 7.5 mg zyprexa? (Olazapine) im drinking wine sometimes. And im not taking my meds after drinking it. Afraid of dieing of the combination of those two/both. The wine i have is an italian wine 10% VOL. And can i take the meds 7.5 mg zyprexa after drinking a couple of glasses of that wine?. 10% VOL. Thank you again for answering me as always! Always appriciate your answer. Because your always so compasionate and kind and always answer with the detail i need and with your best sugestions and advise. On my situations. Thank you. ! :) btw my situation in life is getting worse. By the time. But thank you for answering. Thank you. :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 11 months ago.
Hello, it's great to hear from you!

Mixing alcohol with Zyprexa can increase the nervous system side effects. This includes an increase in dizziness, thinking, judgment and sleepiness. It is recommended that you avoid mixing alcohol with Zyprexa due to these side effects because your own individual reaction may differ than others and you could have a stronger reaction. However, because your doctor knows your medical history, you may want to check with him or her to be sure.

I am sorry to hear that things are getting worse for you. If you would like to talk about it, I'm here for you.

And thank you so much for your kind words. That was nice to hear :)

I hope all is going well with your kitten!

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

hi kate! hope it was ok to make a video With questions this time?! reason explained in the video. :) hope this doesnt goe against any rules sory. Daniel W. :)

 

here is the video "youtube video" to you! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOjttseu99Y

 

bye! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOjttseu99Y

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
needed to be a little creative now this time ! :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 11 months ago.
Hi Daniel, it is good to hear from you.

I appreciate you putting all the work into making a video! How creative :) However, I am bound by the rules of Just Answer to keep our interactions and conversations on the site only. I am sorry.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
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Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Hi Kate! :) you see I'm struggling a lots by the times him first off it is still CVI had an emotional issues I have still regarding Hjem my past relationship and my ex-boyfriend I really don't know where to starts just by being it completely honest with you so maybe I can start by telling you a little more about send this ex relationship I have or should I say that I had..... :) :( you see I'm having a really hard and also I'm having a really difficult time because just to be playing honest with You Kate sometimes I really miss my ex-boyfriend and sometimes I really hate and sometimes I don't Im Just keeping on going back and forth back and forth on it..... :( just in that particular issue or should I say topic....... :(
And what really frustrates me is that I can't really seem to find some peace in my soul anymore unfortunately for me..... :( I can also start off by telling you that he now starts to ask me questions like why I don't want talk to him or should I say he start asking me questions about why I don't want to talk to him anymore..... :( but the really main thing here this kate..... :( is that I really can't get my head around or for that matter there's an issue that I really can't wrap my mind around about..... :( and that I really can't understand why I get sad and why I almost start to cry when my ex-boyfriend is telling to me that he maybe will or he might even to the United States of America and that he is telling to me that he is maybe or even just might be it might be a possibility that he is moving to United States of America early next year during the I think it is the first month january or something..... :( and when he tells me these things i get really sad...... :( because whats and what is really going thru my mind here when he is telling me actaly those words....... :( and what is really going thru my mind here when i hear him telling me those exact words is that im afrad of him moving because....... :( that means that if he is moving to america or should i say the united states of america is that however that by him moving away to america that would be meaning to me that i would never get a hold of him again....... :( or even maybe never getting back again forever ever again for that matter..... :( :'( in my life even for the rest my life and that's really scares me and that really creeps me out Kate!!!!! :( :'( and I have exactly no Idea or no clue about why I'm still feeling what I'm feeling and why am still reacting like I'm still reacting....... :( :'( I mean seriously Kate I must be the world's biggest masochist out there on this planet in this vary thiny planet we live on here today..... :( :'(I also feel such great feelings despair Kate..... :( :'( I mean he cheated on me a lot but the worst thing is what I think he did in my mind and that's what's controlling my whole and my entire OCD and my entire OCD symptoms are also being controlled by these horrific thoughts about what I think he did to me and what I'm thinking that he did to me is what im gonna tell you all about right now....... :( :'( which is the worst thing I could ever imagine him doing to me doing against me in this very entire world which controls my entire OCD symptoms widespread spectrum....... :( :'( this might sound strange too but why my mind that I think that he did to me witches and possibly is the worst thing in the entire world that he could ever do to me or what even anybody could ever do against me that is that I think that he cheated on me with a woman....... :( :'( I have nothing against woman....... Okay? :) trust me..... Here on this one Kate!!!!! :) and the reason I think that he cheated on me with a Woman is because you see from early of the January of this year 2013....... :( :'( there was a woman who moved into the vary same students complex building in which he was leaving and also to save money....... And the reason why I think that something between those two people persons have or has happened is because just the from the very start on and from the very beginning of she moving into the student complex building moving in and from that too is she first has or should i say have been seeing him she started instantly at trying to hit on him....... :( :'( and he even said it and even told me himself in person that he felt like that she was trying on/ trying to get his dick........ :( :'( and of course I know this that she was trying to get his dick right away and straightaway....... :(. And believe you me Kate!!!!!! :( :'( he also even though this that straightaway that she was trying to get his dick....... :( :'( and he even told me so that she was trying to f**k my dick or even trying to get my dick..... And after as a little time start to Passby and as time start to progress on..... :( :'( he started to notice my strong hate for this woman...... Her name was Anna she was from Spain and yes i completely hated her and I still hate her even till this vary day and time of life....... :( :'( and yes it's true I wish her nothing but pain suffering and even tremendous suffering and death for the rest of her entire life and I really hope And i really wish for that she is going to be miserable for the rest of her entire life......... :( :'( !!!!!!! But back The reason why think my ex-boyfriend that he cheated on me with this awful woman it's because that at the end and at the very end of our relationship he wouldn't even come back here to visit me Or even not just to visit me or even just to pay me a one single visit....... :( :'( he started to always say that he didn't want to or that he was tired or too tired to even come and pay me a visit or even come to visit me as he said he would as I was since I've gotten sick from this whole anxiety thing....... :( :'( and trust me Kate i'm saying this and when I'm telling you this....... That's this man....... Cannot be without are stand to be without sex for very long period of time...... And suddenly one day while I was talking on him on the phone he mentioned to me and he told me...... :( :'( that's this so-called awfully and grotesque Woman named and called Anna needed to take like a kind of i'm emergency anti-pregnancy birth-control kind of pill that moment really needs taken only need to take when after A man has been coming/cumming inside her pussy....... :( :'( so with that and that's why I believe that he had sex with and cheated on me with this and the woman named Anna....... :( :'( with an additional thought into that fact that he this man cannot I repeat cannot stay or stand out without sex for a very long time and no unfortunately I'm not talk about a month even i'm talking about max from one to two weeks only maybe even three if I'm lucky....... :( :'( ...... Without him cheating on me....... :( :'( and I didn't see this man or should I say boy would that matter in like I think a little over maybe three weeks time....... And I say said he wouldn't even bother to do as he said he would do to keep what he promised me which was visiting me until I got better....... :( :'( I don't know why Kate but first and at the very first moment on from when I first saw this woman walking in streight thru that vary same doorstep and when I first knew that's you want trying to get my man's Dick to f**k it or even maybe to try and abuse of it I mans Dick. I instantly felt threatened by here and also I start to feel very intiminated By here and her behavior....... :( :'( but just to get all little more quicker to the point is that I feel hurt really hurt and even extremely hurt by the feeling and thought of him f**king and cheating on me with the woman....... :( :'( and maybe even also that it is very and highly likely that's even was Cumming inside of her pussy or should I say vagina just to say a little more nicer word to it....... And yes I do feel that's him f**king and making love and maybe even have been making hard f**king love hard love or should I say and by putting another word to it having hardcore sex with this woman releasing his sperm inside of her's vagina or Should i say pussy would make me feel a lot more worse then if he had cheated on me with a man that would make me feel even a lot better about it..... Them cheating on me....... I don't know why as I just said but that's just how I think and how I feel Kate!....... I'm also very sorry for all the profanity and for all the vary much so ugly and nasty language but I really didn't know what type of words to use or to choose from. So this is the words I chose to use.......! :) yet again Kate!!!!!!! Im vary sorry about all of my awful speaking language this time Kate!!!!!! :) so please you will have to forgive me an excuse me for this time with the promise that I won't be that offensive in my manners and in my way of speaking The next time I try to contact you for getting answers to my silly and the dumb questions..... ! :) so I'm sorry i'm also so sorry for my offensively show some words that this words are the words that's me suited the situation to talk about the use so yet again I'm very sorry Kate from the bottom i'm not very deep and passionate and compassionate heart....... May God save my soul this time anorexic forgive me this time for that really offensive words that I have both choosen and chosen this time........ And just one last time I want to say to you and remind you of that the facts that I have nothing against Woman or Woman at all in particular......... I can tell you that my very best and deepest friends are Woman exactly that Woman....... And im saying this and im telling you this kate so you wont think anything wrong of me....... :( because i actualy do love Women as friends thay have and probably alway will be my bestfriends or even among my bestfriend for the rest of my life because i actualy and strangely enough connect better and both easier as well with them and even i and we both two the girl/woman actualy talk better to and understand each other better then i get along better even with all of the streight males that walking and even wandering around here in this city where i do live in...../ or state wich i do live in..... / or even this entire country wich i do live in......... ! :) . And just one more thing Kate!!!!!!! :) that I would like to add to as an addition to all of this bullshit that is just coming running out of my mind out of nowhere is that when he started to notice this and feel that I hated this woman vary strongly he asked me why I hated her and he asked me why I hated her so much as I really did then I just told him that I hated the plain blindesided and downright nerrow fact fact that she Was quite literally was trying to f**k you(f**k my man's Dick and that she was trying to do that right there in front of me.......... And afterwards and after I had told him about this and that that is the real reason why and that that is The real reason behind why I really hated her so freakin f**king much quite literally too actually maybe i'm afraid.......... He just replied to me by laughing and then he told me that instead off getting mad angry and very much so also pissed I should rather be laughing at her for even trying to even hit on A gay man or even trying to f**k a gay man......... And that is also kind of true though when I really start to think about it but even though what he says it's really realistic and also so much very true I still live with this highly doubts inside of me inside my soul............ And he has been asking me this same old and yet so much so silly question repeatedly two more times during out for the rest of the course and time and lifespand of our relationship together....... Just by adding a pure and simple on my gosh/and or Oh my God!!!!!!!!! you got to be kidding me right?!!!!!!!! :) x) two more times during our relationship....... And so what Kate? !!!!!!!!! What to believe about all of this and what is your thoughts on all of this?!!!!!!!!!! What you really think about when what I'm saying about that this is what keeps me from still having my OCD and all of my and all of the rest of my so-called these so-called OCD symptoms?!!!!!!! And sorry for all my text and reading material I'm giving to you right now but it's my OCD that make this text go and/or make it really long............. !!!!!!!!!!!!! :) So yet again im again I'm sorry for that Kate!!!!!!!!!!! Goodbye for now with warm wishes from your little crazy friends sitting here totally locked inside this house so to say or so to speak at least almost......... -_- by all of my anxiety OCD and yett again with an troumendously big and huge fear....... ! And Truly yours XXXXX XXXXX ! :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Hello Daniel! Nice to hear from you :)

It sounds like what has happened with your ex has caused you a lot of distress. And that is understandable. Relationships tend to affect us very deeply because you literally trust another person with the most intimate parts of yourself, emotionally and physically.

It sounds like you still have a lot of feelings for your ex. And because he still lives nearby, you may have not been able to work through those feelings because in the back of your mind, there may still have been a chance to be together. And if he still talks to you in any way or contacts you, even if it is not often, it can keep those feelings very much alive and on the surface. So you have never had the chance to mourn the loss of the relationship and move on.

If your ex is moving out the country (it doesn't seem clear if he is serious about his move or if he is trying to upset you, given his history of making it a point to do so), then this may be a good time to really begin to focus on yourself and removing yourself from this very destructive relationship.

One thing you can do is to begin looking at why this relationship is so important to you. What is it about this particular person that keeps you going back to them? Do they remind you of your past, someone who hurt you that you never had resolution with, etc? Write down your thoughts. Try to keep as objective as possible. I know that is not easy given the emotions you feel, but this can help you find out what is being triggered for you around this person.

It can be very hurtful when someone tells you things or does something without caring what you feel. Cheating on you with anyone is hurtful. It is a very self centered thing to do and shows that this person is not good for you, or anyone, including the people he was cheating with. He is going to hurt anyone that is with him because that is his nature and unless he addresses what is causing him to act this way, he will stay this way. Cheating is the one thing that can hurt a relationship so badly that it never comes back. And for your ex to have cheated, with either sex, shows that he only cares for himself and not you or any of the other people he was with. That is a serious sign that he is toxic and that you deserve better.

Another sign is the fact that this relationship is affecting your OCD. If he was a caring person that wanted to be with you, then he would help you to feel better, not make you feel 10 times worse. Try to focus your thoughts on the fact that he is doing this to you without caring how you feel. Partners help each other, not hurt each other. He could be using you as a way to help himself feel better and that is not a relationship you want to be anywhere near.

Take some time to write down what you can do to begin to work your way from this relationship and onto better things. Because you do deserve so much better than this type of treatment. Write down ideas, talk to friends, read books. Do what you can to be positive for YOU, not him. And if he tries to contact you, cut him off or don't answer at all. That is his power over you. Once he makes contact, he uses what he can to hurt you. Don't let him. You have power as well. Use it to take a stand and make him stop hurting you.

Work on why you feel you deserve this type of treatment. Self esteem is usually the culprit, so looking at ways to improve your self esteem can help a lot. Read, join forums on line or talk to friends or even a therapist. All of those things can give you a good start in improving your self esteem.

And try to focus on developing healthy relationships with others. Go out and enjoy yourself. Time passes much faster if you do something. Try something different, make plans for the future, take some risks (safe ones!), etc. Whatever you feel would challenge you and get your mind off this relationship.

And if you are not seeing someone now for your OCD, consider treatment. It can give you a way to vent your feelings and the support you need and deserve. Here are some other ideas to help you with your OCD:

Learn to relax- this helps a lot because one of the main issues with OCD thoughts and compulsions is the anxiety you experience with them, triggering the urge to act out. So learning how to keep calm when dealing with these thoughts can help. Here is a link to help you learn Progressive Relaxation, one of the best ways to control your anxiety:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm

Write down your thoughts- by keeping a journal so you have a place to express your thoughts when they do bother you. It can also help to go back and see your progress or look at repeating patterns and how you handled them.

Make a list of activities- things you can do to distract yourself when you do experience OCD thoughts. Exercise, calling someone or watching a movie for example.

Repeating good thoughts- Make a list of thoughts that comfort you. "I am ok" "My doctor says I am fine" "I am healthy" etc. When you feel anxious or even when you just have a few moments in your day, read these thoughts through. It can help to have something to turn to when you feel your thoughts going in a bad direction.

Give yourself a break- realize that OCD is caused by physical imbalances in the brain as well as anxiety. So telling yourself things like "This is just a physical response and it is not my fault" or "I can control this any way I want" and doing another activity instead of giving in helps as well.

Do not give your obsession meaning- The more you focus on it, the more importance you give it. So treat it like it's nothing. "It's only my thoughts. It does not mean anything".

I hope this has helped, Daniel! Be good to yourself. You are the only person that can treat yourself exactly the way you need. So use that and try to ignore your ex. He is only there to hurt you and you do not need that in your life.

Kate








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