Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It certainly sounds like he likes you. It also sounds like he may be very shy. You mentioned a few times that he looked away or down while talking with you. He seems maybe a bit scared. It could be because of his personality or he may have had bad experiences in the past with other relationships and is scared to try again.
When you talked with him, everything he said to you and all the contact he had with you sounds like it was meant to make you feel special. He singled you out, treated you special and was receptive to having contact with you again. When you saw him, he may have just began to see the relationship could go somewhere and felt shy or scared. People don't respond the way he did without being interested. If he did not want to be with you, he would not have treated you any differently than anyone else.
If your friends feel that this relationship is possible, you can go with their instincts as well. They know you and they are familiar with your relationship so far.
I hope this has helped you,
i think im just gonna send an email and get it over with because i can't find it in me to call to scared and the worst thing is is that i was with a frend today and on my way home i saw people starting to go out on the town and it gave me an horrible feeling that he might do the same. i just feel i need to say it. i'm sad because im afraid to call him because of the time that have passed. im so stupid i know. and im thinking how i could let myself fall in love with him. a love i have never felt for anyone else. i'm sorry to you to for taking your time. i just felt that i wanted to write it. i guess...
Sending an email is a good idea too. It is a way to find out where you stand with his man and see what his reaction is. I understand you are scared. Anyone would be nervous about telling another person how they feel. What you are feeling is very natural. Calling him would be ok too. But if that makes you feel too nervous, then an email is fine.
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and you certainly are not stupid for feeling this way. I am concerned you are saying these things about yourself. Your turning your very natural feelings into something wrong with you. Yes, he may reject your contact, but that does not make you any less valuable as a person. Not being able to call him just says that you want to protect yourself from the possible pain of rejection. Again, that is a normal response and does not mean there is anything wrong with you.
He may be going out on the town but he does not know yet how you feel. Then again, he may be at home thinking of you. There is no way to know unless you try asking him. He may say no or he may say yes. But either way, you are still the same person. You are worthy and valuable. If he doesn't want to be with you, that does not change who you are.
I am glad you shared how you feel. It is good to have support through something like this. Reach out as much as you need to and be good to yourself. You deserve it.
can i ask you because it seems like i will have to travel again in february. and i rememberd something. when he helped me with something he ask me can you come back? and i said yeah an he started to laugh and was positive in his tone when he said it. and i remember he said you lost something and i said no and he just continued talking about it and i said this is a really great place and i will come back and he said come back come back and i will give you another room another room and i said i like this one and he just laught a litlle and said like this one? this one ah with a nice tone and laughter
what i'm woundring about is was this good? because i don't know why but this coversation with him poped in my minde when i was about to sleep had i crapy day and i got happy from it really to. what would you say out of this conversation? i rememberd it
and since i'm leaving back soon and i have been stupid do you think this he will remember? that i'm going back? and do you think i will have a second shot this time? i got a picture of him and i start to smile alot when i see it so it's gonna be hard for me to hide it anyway. was hoping you could analyze it i know it's weird but do you think he will wait? since he knows from what i said im coming back?
most of all i want to say it in person. do you think this maybe why my minde stops me? and do you know why i still believe it's a dream? i don't know why but it seems so good. and i at least leard how it is to miss some one really much.
It sounds like this was a very good conversation. It also sounds positive and hopeful. He responded to you very well and seems interested.
He probably does remember the conversation. And if he did see you again, it would bring it back if he did forget some of it. Most people do not remember things like conversation in total, but instead remember bits and pieces. But if it was a positive experience like it sounds like, he will remember it.
I think if you see him again he would like that. He did say he wanted you to come back so there is no reason he would not be happy to see you. This would also be a chance to continue what you started, especially since you both had some time to think about each other in a positive light.
It is easy to tell you miss him. The opportunity to talk with him and make a relationship out of this is exciting. You know what the best way to handle this is and your mind and heart is telling you. The beginning of a relationship is almost always so positive and it sounds like the two of you clicked very well. Saying how you feel in person is a good way to not only hear what he has to say but to also see his body language which would help you read what he feels.
I am glad you remembered this conversation. It is a very positive sign.
You're welcome! I am glad to help.
I think from the conversation you mentioned that he is there for you. It will be a very good thing when he sees you again. You have no reason not to believe that.
Thank you very much for your kind feedback too. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here.
No problem! Ask anytime.
This is not stupid. It is normal to want a close relationship. To desire to be with someone you have deep feelings for is healthy and natural. Analyzing it is also normal as is having memories and details pop up at unexpected moments.
I think he may have reacted odd to your second call because it could have caught him off guard. He could have been busy and not thinking straight, he could have been distracted, or some other similar situation. There is no reason to think it was about you, especially since he was so kind during the first call.
He also may have the same feelings for you and was expecting you to say something about your feelings. That is another possibility. He expected a call the next day and might have felt disappointed to not hear from you. That sounds bad but it actually could be a good sign that he cares. And if he cares, there is a chance at a good relationship.
He probably did not forget the conversation, especially if he was emotionally invested in it like it seems he was. When something we do has an emotional charge to it, we tend to remember it better unless it was traumatizing. So he probably remembers. And that is ok. It just gives you another connection to him.
I still think based on his reactions to you that a relationship is a good possibility. And it is good that you continue to remember these contacts with him. It will give you a better sense of who he is and help you connect to him when you see him again.
I don't see any reason to believe that he has given up. In your communication with him, he has never said don't contact me or I don't want to see you again, directly or indirectly. He has always seemed open to talking with you and open to seeing you again.
I think he may have put the interactions in the back of his mind for now, but I don't believe he would have forgotten them. He was emotionally involved with your last contacts and that is not easy to forget. When he sees you again, he will remember.
Your relationship still has a chance. Your relationship is new and that means it has a good opportunity to grow. Your communication so far has been positive and he seems from how he treated you as if he is definitely interested. You are also interested, which makes your relationship have an excellent chance.
i just want to say to you both that you two together are a great team. this has been a difficult time for me . and as i was crying again i realized suddently that if i didn't have this time away from him that really devastates me. because of the missing part and yeah. the fear of maybe it being over all ready . i realized that if i didn't have had the time away from him i might not have known what i now know. what i want with him and what i want and wish for him etc. and that ffact that i miss him every day is good in away because then i now know that my feelings for him is real,great,and sincere.
and i don't know if you believe in god but i'm sure glad he sent you two to help me thru this. you two together a perfect team and i thank you two. for beeing there
You're welcome! I am so glad we could help. You have had a tough time with this. I think it was very brave of you to seek out support and try to work through your feelings. You deserve a wonderful relationship and I have no doubt you would make a great partner.
Yes, I do believe in God and I think He does bring people together for special reasons. I am glad he bought us all together to help you through this time.
May God bless you. I am here anytime you need to talk.
i found something online and i'm now thinking how stupid i could be
a review and it sounds like him
"Very nice manager! he did everything for us! Discounts for internet or even for living! When we needed hot water or something like that we got it anytime! Attentive man: was always asking if everything was fine! Was checking the rooms if nessesery!"
and i do remember one more thing . i he remember saying let's take a drink one time. sure that doesen't matter but i remember it it poped up in my mind.
i obviously blind on my self so. i guess i was really stupid and a litlle heart broken but i guess everything was nothing just something for me and i'm never gonna listen to my friends again on this thing they said he liked me but not so sure now.
i did feel like the contact i had with him was like i was in a movie and i guess it was
with all the shit on top i wrote happend in to considuration. sorry
can you analyze this to ? so i just can be sure that what i'm thinking is right so i can rip the picture ? please?
I am sorry what you saw made you feel so bad. But interpreting something like that can be very difficult and easily taken the wrong way.
You never know how things will turn out. Taking something you see and assuming it means something in particular can be dangerous. People tend to interpret things according to their own point of view. So if you have been hurt before, you will assume something you see or hear is going to mean you will be hurt again. And that is not true.
Take this with a grain of salt. It does not mean anything about how he feels about you. And even if it did, things can change in a heartbeat. Many times, people can interpret one thing then later find out the other person feels completely different.
Have hope and hang in there. Do not feel down and think you are not worthy of happiness. You are, just as much as anyone else. In the meanwhile, be good to yourself. Try to think good thoughts. Tell yourself only positive messages and immerse yourself in positive activities. Take care of yourself. You will feel better for it and be able to put a little distance between this incident and how you feel right now.
ok yeah i can that now i just started to think wierd again. when i look back at this and what karyn wrote i can see that i over reacted and should almost think i was psychotic
i just started thinking that i was really gone and that i started thinking maybe about i got decieved by what people told me. and i got some imput thoughs like the last of what i remember and i trow it away. and yes i em afraid of being hurt. since i felt this as special and how it felt etc.
what im afraid of is the thought of this being an illusjon of some sort and i guess this cought my eye to make this a big confirmation.
but i did think that ok maybe i'm really silly and should probebly ask since it seems like i'm afraid of the "thought of illusjon" i have been lied to alot in my life time maybe this is why i reacted this way. but i'm gald i saw that i might be havinga fogy vision and asked
It is easy to believe that you see something that way because you are so fearful of it being an illusion. So when you see what you feel is evidence that supports your fears, you jump on it. Almost everyone does this so you are not psychotic or overreacting.
Fears can make you feel upset to the point that you react strongly to what you see or hear. That is the nature of fear. It takes hold and doesn't let go easily. It is good you reached out and asked for help. That is a very healthy reaction to what you experienced.
It is ok to be afraid that it is all an illusion. Because it is healthy to question everything in your life. Very few things are sure things. So you look at something like this at many different angle to be sure you see all possibilities. Add fear to that and it begins to feel out of control. But you are doing very well. You are handling this in a very healthy way. You are thinking it through, asking for help and taking one step at a time.
Try taking a step back for a little while and giving yourself a break. Sometimes that can give you a new perspective.
This is not crazy. Feelings of love are highly emotional and make us feel many different things. When we fall in love with someone, it's often considered "crazy" love because of the high and intense emotions that are associated with it. We want to give our all to the other person. We want them to be happy and we are willing to share in their pain or even take it away for them. We feel an overwhelming tender and sincere feeling for another person. That motivates us to put ourselves aside in order to connect to that person.
Right now, you are just at the beginning of your connection to him. This is when ideals of the other person are at their highest. We do not see flaws, conflicts or even the basic human nature of people when we are first falling in love. Everything is good and everything is intense. This helps establish the connection that people who fall in love eventually feel for one another. Your wish for him to be safe and be happy is completely normal. You feel a connection and it creates in you a need to put him first.
Love does sometimes make you feel crazy. But truly crazy people do not question themselves or their motives. They feel they are right and everyone else is wrong or crazy to even question them. So you are normal in feeling the way you do.
Ok thank you started to wonder since i never have had this for anyone beforr. Even though i have had a relationship before. But i never had. Any of this for anyone. Makes me wonder. And I'm glad to here this is normal. And i just got another popup memory i remember i was saying that i was thinking of getting something. And he said yes you should do that. You can you can use my address as your mailing address and i will shipp it to you. Is this also a big hallo? What can i say about this? This is the absolute last of the sweet things he did
It sounds like the fact that he was allowing you to use his address means he wants to stay connected to you. If you used his address, that would mean he would have a good excuse to keep having contact with you in order to deliver your mail to you. It is a good way to guarantee future contact. A very good sign he likes you! And it is very sweet.
Can i please ask you one more thing?
Because my grandmother started to say that
What i have experienced is just costumer service at a high level like back in the days . Can you confirm or disconfirm this? I know she was wrong about what she said about me that i have nothing for him. But she shoke me up a little sorry about this. Im just stupid i guess
Of course you can ask anything you need to. Support is very important, especially when someone says something to hurt you.
Everyone has an opinion. And if you tell 100 people about your situation you will get 100 opinions. But in your case, there is evidence that this person is interested in you. He would not show this interest if there was no feelings behind it. People do not just go around handing out personal information and inviting others to contact them at random, especially between men and women. Men typically will only do this if they are interested because they understand the implications.
You have a genuine concern about how to read this relationship. You asked for help and got experienced input about what you felt. You backed it up with the facts of the situation. While no one can predict what another person will do, you can make a pretty good guess based on behavior. And that is what you have done. You took what you knew about the situation and got input and made the best guess at behavior. There is nothing wrong with that. It is done everyday, especially in psychology.
Take your grandmother's opinions with a grain of salt. She is certainly allowed to have them and has experience to guide her. But she also may have other motivations that you are not aware of. Her heart may have been broken before or she may be damaged emotionally herself. Saying you have nothing for him is a way to strike out at you. That tells you that there is more behind what she is saying than interest in helping you.
It sounds like your grandparents have their own issues and they are putting them on you. What they are saying is not about you. And what they are saying is very discouraging. If you have been exposed to them your whole life, then it may be why you question yourself now. With that kind of input, you are going to feel that you do not deserve to be happy or even deserve to try for happiness. But you do.
Your grandparents opinion is just that, an opinion. They cannot predict what will happen with your relationship and they certainly know less than you do about it. You are in it, and you know what passed between you and this man. You know how you feel about him too. And that is important. Your feelings are real. And you deserve a chance at this relationship. Will it turn out perfect? No one knows. But to not even try would be much worse. Then you will always wonder what could have happened, and that would cause you pain the rest of your life. At least by trying, you will know. You can live with the results regardless of how it turns out. If you do end up together, then you will be happy. But even if you don't, you will mourn the loss and move on. It won't be easy but you will at least have tried, and that says that beyond all discouragement, you made the effort.
God is there for you. You can pray to him for the best turnout. He knows you and he understands your grandparents. Your grandparents can pray all they want for whatever outcome they wish for, but God is in control. If this relationship is meant to be, then nothing can change that, even someone praying against it.
Don't give up. You can do this. I will be here for you no matter what happens.
I agree! All the evidence is there that he wanted to make a connection with you. And he would not make an effort otherwise. Your mother is right, a grain of salt is the best way to approach your grandmother.
Happy New Year to you too!
I do not believe your grandmother is right. Your grandmother's motivation is to hurt you and make you doubt yourself. She is hurt herself and this is how she deals with it, by making you feel bad about yourself and doubt what you are doing. It's like someone who is unhappy because they were hurt so now no one else can be happy. Listening to her is only going to make you feel bad and do nothing to help you. If your grandmother was trying to help you, she would take your feelings into account and offer objective advice. But that is not what she is doing.
It is easy to question yourself over this. You haven't had any way to know how he feels because you have not seen him in a while. It's very easy to assume he has forgotten you and doesn't like you. But his last impression of you was good. He encouraged you to contact him. You felt the attraction between you. Otherwise, you would not be feeling the way you do now. It is just as likely he still remembers you and wants to see you as the opposite. Actually, it is more likely since your last impression together was so good.
You may want to consider sending him a simple hi. It may make you feel better making that connection. Let him know how much you enjoyed seeing him last time and maybe let him know about your trip. It would provide you with some peace of mind and give you reassurance about your trip.
Although it's easy to believe the worst, the best is just as likely to happen. Try to stay positive. Listen to people like your father who are supportive and helpful. Believe in yourself most of all. Your feelings are telling you that this is worth it. And it is.
thank you for the idea you now light a fire in me to write a letter since i remember i got such a positive respons on the first one. can i share this letter with you and you can come back to me with your thought on it? before i send it?
Yes, of course! No problem.
i wrote this:
hi i wanted to wish you a happy new year even if i was a little late out to mail it to you. since i got back home to norway i have had some difficulties and some chalanges but i'm always up for a chalange. never say no. i have had some phone issues and problems with my work thinking of quitting my job within music and start something else. in the u.s were i feel i belong.
i hope you and max have had a good start on the new year 2012. who knows what will happend this year.
can't wait to find out...
best wishes:my name
added 241 because that was my room number at the motel. what do you think? do you think he will be happy for the letter if we guess on the behavior. and the way he responded to my note witch was a letter to him.?
That sounds like a good letter. You may want to explain the 241 further if you are at all unsure he would remember it. But if you feel he will, then let it go as is. You may also want to ask something about him, just to show interest and to see if he will respond to you. Maybe something like "I hope this letter finds you doing well. How is your family?" Or something personal along those lines.
But other than that, your letter sounds pleasant, friendly and hopeful. I think he will respond well to it.
Thank you. I have now also added how are you? And hope i can stay again?
Thank you for analyzing my letter :-)
Those are both perfect additions to your letter! I think he will like hearing from you.
Please let me know how it goes. Happy New Year!
i took your advice to karyn about writting something of endearment. not sure i if made it but i wrote: "i remember the days ever since...like it was yester day..." on the back with my addressim going to shipp it tomorrow with DHL if that doesn't scream to much.
thank you i will let you two know what happends if i get a responding letter
thank you both
I think that is an excellent addition to your letter. You are saying that you remember being with him in the past and you feel it had a powerful effect on you and left you with good memories, so much so that it seems like it happened yesterday. If I received a letter with that written on it, I would feel flattered and emotionally moved by it. It would also tell me that the person remembers me fondly XXXXX XXXXX our relationship.
It does not add too much to your letter because it is said in such a way that it is simple yet gets the point across. You are not adding a paragraph, which would be too much. Just a simple line that says a lot. Plus, you leave the option open to him to respond in kind if he wishes.
This is a good step that you are taking. I imagine it is frightening, yet thrilling at the same time!
I appreciate you letting me know what happens.
i have now mailed the letter. and feel a litlle better. the post office said it should be there in 3-5 days. but i did add one more thing to the letter right under my address i wrote
"ps:if you got your pc fixed and have skype and want to talk feel free to add me.
skype id: "
but that i kind of regret because then he can think ok the only way i can respond is on skype. and that it was way to much.
What you did is not a bad thing. Actually, it's a good idea. It lets him know you are open to talking with him. It also leaves the ball in his court. The fact that you offered Skype as an option is fine too. He now has two ways to respond, letter or Skype. He can choose a response by letter if he feels too shy or reserved to talk to you face to face, and he can choose Skype if he is comfortable with that level of contact. So you did just fine.
I know it's hard when you open yourself up like you did and express your feelings to someone, especially when you don't know them well. You are leaving yourself vulnerable. But I can tell you that from knowing what you said to him in your letter and the further communication you provided on your envelope, this is a very positive thing you did. You were very friendly, non threatening (if he is in any way shy he won't feel intimidated by your letter) and very open to hearing from him. If I was on the receiving end of your letter, I would feel very positive about it. He would have to be a very unkind person to see your letter as anything but friendly and warm.
:Soplino why are u sick and tired?
i'm sick and tired of all the bullshit People want to tell me late night. so i just want to sleep.
Did you speak with your dad?
not tonight but 3 4 days ago. now it's imposible to talk With him again so i give him up
please stop doing bad to youyou know your dad is this way
i know. it's just that i em a stupid believer when it comes to him
No it is just that you love him and you want to speak with himbut you have to be more eaasy going ;)
You are smart
of course i didn't tell the real reason. why i posted it. but atleast it shows that he cares about me
hi it's lill me again wantng to Write you. 1 month ago the 4th of may i broke up With him. i could not take it anymore. don't really know where to start but. my psychologist said if i had a man like that i would og crazy to. well the Whole mess started when he got this idea about tresomes. he wanted it and would not back Down. he also told me if you dont do this tresome i know myself i will start to cheat. and right before the day before or 2 days before we were leaving for italy togheter as a Our first trip togheter i had some "anxiety" and went to sleep because i knew he was looking for a man to do a tresome. so when i was laying there on the bed he pushed me "awake" and said there is a guy out there for a tresome i responded to it With what? so he said it was a man out there for a tresome. i told him stricktly to make him og away and said Your just gonna have to hate me, and when i walked to remove this person he said to himself so i could here it "what kind of persone have i messed myself into now" he disappeard and said i dont hate you. and we fell asleap woke up toke the plane first to rome then to his home in sicaly we had a beautiful trip. he was most amaing person Down there meet his Family i loved them and they loved me without having the ability to comunicating With them proparly witout him translating. all was Perfect. then on the plane from Catania, sicaly airport to Milano once the plane started to back out of the terminal i thought "oh my god back home to all these problems" so i got an anxiety attack on the plane. he was gental and suporting he took good care of me. he thought i would have developed diabetes since everytime i got somthing sugary it seemd to lett this fainting feeling go away. when i had one he even yelled at a guy to move because i felt fainting. later back at the hotel he tried this tresome stuff again looking for men. i said "oh here im fainting again" to avoid it. so i took a bath and he used the scrub on me vary sweet. when we got home he wanted me to overnight at his place to the day after then go home. but i waneed to go the same day because i knew he would try this tresome stuff again like he did before we left to italy so got spooked by thath thought and said no i have to go to the doctor.
after all this.: he didnt want to come to me unless i had some hash for him. the last time i tried to og to him i got an anxiety panic attack on the bus so i had to og out imidiatlyhe then told me on the phone " dont worry about it Your not stupid and i can just come to you" well he never did pluss he had said awhile ago i dont love you. and the last one i cant see myself happy With you anymore. so to forward to the 4th of may. i told my new to be step father about what he did With the tresome stuff and that he critizized me all the time either i was dressed to elegant like i usaly dress nothing seemed to be right. so my new to be step father took and asked me "where havent you been in a loong time?" i replied With Kragerø so he drowe me there in sted off to massimiliano.. on the way back i wrote my breake up Message saying the followon : " i break up. i think that's best. Your a Nice guy and i do love you i do. but i think it's the best. it's gonna be vary difficult for me. i love you mostro ciao <3 and please don't contact it will only make it more difficult for me. i cry as i Write this Message. ciao XXXXX XXXXX trollino. me and life went to Kragerø. U wanted this. :) sent 5/4, 5:42 p.m. i did not send it streight away because i was afraid of the lose of this love i love so dearly. so i got a frind over to my home. thwn massimiliano started to Call me wich i refused to answer and he sent me a Message asking me "are you ok" i said no. then he asked me "are you comming?" then i said no and streight after i said no to coming he was online at this dating page looking for other to have sex With i saw in his status. that was when i saw that i sent the breake up Message. i saw a couple of days later on that page in his status it said "trollino abandoned me" something that broke my heart and soul. because i didnt want to breake up With him. so i sent him a letter explaining Things. that i got afraid etc. and that i miss you . he replied the day after i sent it in the mail he replied thank you it makes me feel better after this letter etc. but that was when Things turned to dark again he started shouting at me. calling me a whore etc. because i dated another one after i broke up With him that i did og out With once. and that another guy yesterday came along and commented on my Picture With "hot and sexy :)" didnt make matters better because he had commented on the same photo before. so he got a notafication of anotherf comment so then he proceeded With calling me a whore a slut etc. even though i told him over and over again im not looking for seg. he just called me a lier. and biggest lier ever. so that was it for that then i blocked him on facebook. didnt dear to see what more he was thinking of writing. right before i blocked him i said believe what you want" then i blocked him. now im just sitting here confused and hurt even though there are nor many tears im a mess inside. he even had 6 condoms in his gym back wich he carried around on work trips and to the gym etc i found out before we left for italy because i was taking a shower and he told me that the soap was in his gym bag so obiously i opened the wrong Pocket because there was six condoms and vaselin. did not confront him about it. was to scared to so yes that's my history i wanted to share :)
thank you for the reply and stating that i did right by leaving him even now it's still vary hard.
and i want to share something but not sure if it's negative but i want to open up and say that im not a girl im a boy at the age of 22 gay. hope this dont impact bad as deciving but i feelt like i deard to tell you now. and thanks alot for beeing there reding my problems it have helped more then you can ever imagine. so thank you. felt safe enough to say it now. and a positive side is that this was my first relationship that lasted for a tiny little over 1 year :)
hi i wanted to ask you a questtion about anxiety medication. im on 30mg mirtzapin 25 mg atarax 10mg zyprexa but still i get severe anxiety cant even og to the store lately. and i have some 10 mg tabelets of oaxzepam (Sobril) the doctor told my mother i can use it in combination With my current medication. but im a little sceptic to the oaxzepam because im afraid i will get a high or get high on them. is this correct? and i have also decided to get a beautiful heart warming kitten just beautiful :)
and this guy my ex still bother me With oh we have to meet over text to bad he dont get the point that i cant be With him even if i wanted to. anyways i dont know what he want's me after he said he dont love me so Wonder what he wants me.
hi kate! hope it was ok to make a video With questions this time?! reason explained in the video. :) hope this doesnt goe against any rules sory. Daniel W. :)
here is the video "youtube video" to you! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOjttseu99Y
bye! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOjttseu99Y