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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Im realizing that the stress in my life is beginning to affect

Resolved Question:

I'm realizing that the stress in my life is beginning to affect my personal relationship and all other aspects of the day to day things. Never enough time. Looking further inward my self esteem and insecurities aren't helping the situation much either. I just don't know where to start to address this.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

 

Can you tell me a bit more about when you started to feel stress was interfering in your personal relationship?

 

How did the stress originate?

 

How have you been handling your stress so far?

 

Thank you,

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I've been agitated and a bit short tempered with everyone but snapped at my boyfriend the other night over a stupid little thing. He took it to heart so there is tension now between us. I've also been snapping at my students. I teach tae kwon do.

I work full-time and teach 4 nights a week getting home at 8-8:30 each night then have to deal with the usual home things that need to be done and our intimate relationship is strained as well. Never enough time to do all and be all. I know I should just let the dishes sit in the sink an extra day and take care of what is more important right then. I know it's unrealistic to be able to do everything. My OCD side takes over!

Is it really that important that the light gets turned off at the switch or the pull cord? One of the things I snapped at him about and he takes it that I'm bitching at him.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I should clarify that the light switch issue is mine, I turn the lite on and off via the pull chain and he uses the switch. I went to pull the chain and then had to walk a whole three feet to hit the switch and fussed at him about that.

Another fault - my way isn't always the best but not always receptive to other things.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for the additional information. It helps.

 

I think what you describe as your OCD may be a touch of perfectionism. There is a sense that if you are not perfect and all is not accomplished by the end of the day (and done well) that you are not ok yourself. As a female, this is more ingrained just as part of your genetics and social expectations.

 

You do have a very demanding schedule. But it sounds like there may also be other underlying issues that are unresolved for you. Your schedule does not allow you to pace yourself and therefore keep your emotions more under control. The demands on you are great and give you little time to reflect or to calm yourself. And in general, whenever demands are put on you and you are not able to answer them, your ability to cope lowers and your emotions come out.

 

The fact that you are doing Tae Kwon Do, which is intense training, and still feeling frustrated and angry says that these feelings are originating from elsewhere. Your schedule is just demanding enough to allow them to surface.

 

In your case, short term therapy would be the best option. You need to talk about your feelings and explore what might be underlying your issues with anger. I say short term because from what you have told me, this does not seem to be a deep psychological issue. Learning to cope better and addressing the origins of your anger would be enough at this point.

 

If you want to find a therapist, try asking your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

There are ways you can help yourself right now. I'm sure you have heard of the normal stress relieving techniques, but they do work. Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation are two of the best ways to center yourself and create calm in your body. Here is a link to help you with these and other techniques:

http://helpguide.org/mental/stress_relief_meditation_yoga_relaxation.htm

 

If you cannot cut back on your schedule, you can try to find better ways to adapt to the stress it causes. One is to learn better ways to express your feelings. Right now your only outlet is being frustrated and lashing out. Instead, think of ways you could express yourself more productively. Even if that means yelling into a pillow every day, that is ok. Buy a special one and bring it with you.

 

Also, use humor as much as possible. Watch comedy, get a joke book, or train yourself to see the humor in situations. Spend more time with people who make you laugh or see things optimistically.

 

Look at the bigger picture. Over time, is this a schedule you can keep up? If not, start making plans to cut back where you can. Search for someone who can teach for you a few nights here or there to give you a break. Plan a long weekend. Give yourself something to look forward to.

 

Here is another link to help you find more ideas on how to help yourself cope with the stress:

http://helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

 

To help your relationship, you may want to tell your boyfriend that you recognize this problem and you are working on it. Make it up to him somehow then include him in your recovery.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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