How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

MY husband is an alcoholic and has been for many years. My

Resolved Question:

MY husband is an alcoholic and has been for many years. My son, his wife and their three children are living with us now due to circumstances and my husband comes home quite drunk many times and is very abusive to the children and everyone else in the household. He always picks a fight with me over something. It upsets our grandchildren, makes my sone loose it with him and he always comes back with the fact he is going to sell the house and make everyone get out.
He has been a drunk ever since our children were young but with age he seems to be getting worse and does not remember anything and at times chooses not to remember things. He creates a very unhealthy environment for everyone living in the house. What can I do? He will not acknowledge that he is a drunk. He works full time and makes good money for the household but always insist we are only their for his money and not because we are a family. He is very self centered. If everything is not about him he gets really mean and verbably abusive.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like that along with having alcoholism, your husband may have mental health issues. From your description, it sounds like he is abusive and possibly has a personality disorder such as Narcissism.

 

When a person abuses alcohol, denial is one of the most difficult obstacles they face. The person using does not want to see they have a problem nor do they want to know the effects on those around them. If they did, they would have to stop. And alcohol use is about avoiding pain and problems.

 

The only way to help your husband is if he is willing to see he has a problem. If he could work through the denial, then he could have a chance at sobriety.

 

Along with his alcohol use, he seems to be abusive. He is acting out towards you and the rest of the family. His long term alcohol use and the effects it is having on his judgment and ability to control his own emotions is making the abuse worse as he ages.

 

Additionally, he seems to have a personalty disorder, such as Narcissism. Narcissism is when a person has an inflated view of themselves as better than others. They put their own needs before everyone else's and see all situations as revolving around them.

 

Since he does not seem to realize his behavior is dysfunctional, there is little chance your husband will get help. Which means the only way to deal with the situation is to figure out how you want to react to it.

 

Before you decide, try learning what you can about the issues going on. The more you know and understand, the better you will be able to respond. Here are some resources to help you:

 

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm

 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

You may also want to consider family therapy to help all of you cope with your husband's behavior. A therapist can help provide support and assist you in sorting out the best options for responding to your husband.

 

To find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

If your husband is abusing the children, it is important that the children be removed from his home. It may be difficult right now because of financial concerns, but the psychological damage to the children from being exposed to your husband's abuse is more damaging and may even help continue the cycle of abuse. Children who are exposed to abuse are more likely to either abuse others or accept abuse themselves through their relationships.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

 

If you have found your answer helpful, please click the green ACCEPT button. Even if you placed a deposit, I am not paid unless you accept. Thank you!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education