Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like that along with having alcoholism, your husband may have mental health issues. From your description, it sounds like he is abusive and possibly has a personality disorder such as Narcissism.
When a person abuses alcohol, denial is one of the most difficult obstacles they face. The person using does not want to see they have a problem nor do they want to know the effects on those around them. If they did, they would have to stop. And alcohol use is about avoiding pain and problems.
The only way to help your husband is if he is willing to see he has a problem. If he could work through the denial, then he could have a chance at sobriety.
Along with his alcohol use, he seems to be abusive. He is acting out towards you and the rest of the family. His long term alcohol use and the effects it is having on his judgment and ability to control his own emotions is making the abuse worse as he ages.
Additionally, he seems to have a personalty disorder, such as Narcissism. Narcissism is when a person has an inflated view of themselves as better than others. They put their own needs before everyone else's and see all situations as revolving around them.
Since he does not seem to realize his behavior is dysfunctional, there is little chance your husband will get help. Which means the only way to deal with the situation is to figure out how you want to react to it.
Before you decide, try learning what you can about the issues going on. The more you know and understand, the better you will be able to respond. Here are some resources to help you:
You may also want to consider family therapy to help all of you cope with your husband's behavior. A therapist can help provide support and assist you in sorting out the best options for responding to your husband.
To find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
If your husband is abusing the children, it is important that the children be removed from his home. It may be difficult right now because of financial concerns, but the psychological damage to the children from being exposed to your husband's abuse is more damaging and may even help continue the cycle of abuse. Children who are exposed to abuse are more likely to either abuse others or accept abuse themselves through their relationships.
I hope this has helped you,
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