Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
Sometimes as people age, they may deteriorate physically, but mentally and emotionally they want to maintain their independence. This creates conflict with caregivers and other relatives because the need for extra care is obvious to them, even if it is not with the parents. And the emotional and physical strain caring for elderly disabled parents can take a toll on the family.
The best step is to contact your local Area Agency on Aging. They can send an evaluator (usually a nurse with experience in caring for the elderly) out to the home to determine if your parents can live on their own. The evaluation includes a full report on their mental health, emotional well being and physical abilities to care for themselves. You or other caregivers may also want to be there to provide input about care you have provided and the incidents you have seen with your parents. The evaluator will write a report with any recommendations for care. If the Aging Department determines that they are unfit to care for themselves, then finding housing and care will be pursued. However, if the evaluator feels they are ok living at home for now, the Aging Department will offer services to help. This can include services such as meals on wheels, transportation services (ACCESS) and other assistance.
If your parents refuse the help, the Dept of Aging can guide you on how to best approach the situation. They may also be able to intervene in the situation to help you convince your parents to get help. Here is the link to their site:
You can also contact the Family Caregiver program through the Federal government. Since the program is federal, there are services all over the U.S. The program helps caregivers cope with offering assistance through support and financial help.
Try to appeal to your parents control issues. Tell them that if they stay at home, they will need a lot of help. But if they make choices that will help them remain independent (such as Senior living options, for example), they will have more control over who comes and goes. They need to know that this is to help them live more independently as long as possible. Keep reminding them they have some control over this and picking a choice now will help them be more prepared in the future.
I hope this helps you. Let me know if you have any more questions,