Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you and your husband have very emotional arguments. As a result, you become so upset that you feel overwhelmed with your feelings and have no outlet for your feelings. You mentioned that you cannot get your husband to care about how you feel. The pain you experience as a result of not feeling your needs are met it what causes you to feel overwhelmed. It also sounds like there may also be some emotional abuse going on if your husband is picking fights with you when you are recovering.
As a result, you cut yourself. This is an expression of your deep emotional pain. This is the way you cope. But you can find better ways to handle your feelings. Here is what you can try:
First, understanding that cutting yourself is a way to express your deep pain and emotional distress. It feels that hurting yourself is the only choice because for a while, it makes you feel better. But the feeling only lasts a short time then you are back to where you were.
Second, take a look at your triggers. Why do you feel the need to cut? What are your feelings right now?
Third, find a new way to cope. List things you can do instead that you feel would help. Yelling into a pillow, crying, going out for coffee, calling up a friend, etc. Make a list and keep it where you can see it.
Fourth, develop support. You can have one or two people you trust that you can call and confide in, or try a hotline. Talking to someone can make a big difference. Or find an on line forum where you feel comfortable. Sign on when you start feeling the need to cut. Talk it out.
Five, therapy. Talking this out will help you solidify new ways to handle your feelings.
All of your feelings are very normal. You just need to change how you handle your feelings so you can find healthier ways to cope.
Also, you may want to learn more about emotional abuse to see if this is a problem in your relationship:
I hope this helps you,