How do you know he is cheating?
I can see a number on phone bill that he constantly calls and texts all night long. He had a routine of being away from home every weekend until I said something to him, then it stopped. He pushed me away for sex...no sex in five years. He hides his computer and phone usage from me, has both locked. He accidentally called me while with another woman, that he then explained was work related after first saying he was just playing around. He frequently visited an apartment building while telling me he was at work. He tells me I'm crazy and I guess all of this can actually have an explanation, but I'm basically ignored at home. He won't talk to me about our relationship and when I bring it up he blames problems on me while taking absolutely no responsibility. I am accepting of the fact that I played a role in this, but for over 20 years I took care of home and kids without ever thinking this could happen, never demanding to know every step he took, never demanding an explanation cus I knew that we were okay. have not been happy for a long time but knew that we were okay and waited for him to pay attention to now. but now after 20 years, missing affection and thinking I would never feel it again coupled with the signs from him starting me thinking and. When i tell the signs I see to any of my friends, they say it is obvious what he is doing. I am obessed now with getting more proof, maybe I'm crazy, don't know anymore.
What do you hope to gain from seeing a counselor?
Insight on how I can have feelings for him again. At this point I don't think I can based on how I feel right now, but want to sure before I leave. Need to do everything I can, but then I also feel that I can't do it alone. We have two teenagers and dread them going through this. He won't talk to me, but maybe a counselor can open him up to realize what I'm feeling. I think he is totally oblivious to my feelings and what I'm going through cus he is at the house acting as if we have nothing to talk about and i get disgusted when he brings up any other topic, like food to pick for catering at his retirement, color carpet to put in basement...i think to my self, how dare you want to discuss those things that are so trivial compared to our marriage. I don't want to talk to him about anything unless he wants to talk about our marriage. And he acts as though the times I brought up our relationship never happened.
Do you think he would go to counseling with you?
Yes, but only if arrange it. You see, it has been months since in an argument he said "maybe a counselor can help us", but he has done nothing to find or make appt. I have no idea if he is going alone, but i don't think so.
Do you think he will admit his behavior to a counselor?
I don't think cus he has repeatedly denied to me, but would hope so. I had even thought about not even bringing up cheating in counseling cus we have so many problems asise from that. On the other hand, I don't think I can continue in the marriage knowing i'm being lied to. So hope for the truth. I don't know how to tell him that I am willing to work on us if and when I get the truth. How long do I wait? I have though about moving out, but don't want to leave my kids. Lawyer said I could be blamed for abandonment. I have asked to leave since I got that accident phone call, that's when i considered us "separated", he won't leave or get out of bedroom. I'm the one sleeping on the couch/guest room. And he seems perfectly comfortable letting me sleep wherever.