Del, thank you for the added information. It helps a lot. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
Del, I am very concerned that this has gotten so far out of hand. It really sounds as though the stresses of daily life have been channeled toward a lack of romance in your lives. What do I mean?
Communication is the muscular system of love. Let me repeat that because it's so important: it's not sex; it's not beauty or looking good; it's not being smart or quick with a comeback. Communication between the two people is the love muscle; it's the muscular system of love.
From what you write, the sense you give is that what is happening is not yet atrophy. Atrophy is what happens to muscles when they are not exercised and used regularly. They lose tone and eventually lose ability to activate. And love can atrophy. It slowly wears out until you can't find how to access it any more.
You are both sensing this is the path you're heading on. What IS happening at this stage is each of you is communicating in ways that you yourselves are getting, but that is not reaching the other person effectively. And so you are hurting each other. Not just you are hurt; you are BOTH hurt and feeling it.
So take action. You're the male and that means you need to initiate the action. And the action here is not quick sex for relief! The action is ROMANCE!!
Your wife is telling you loud and clear that she does not feel romanced. She doesn't feel valued and desired. She feels like you are using her for relief. So listen to her and be the romantic lover she is looking for.
You are right now, I believe, wincing from lack of confidence. This is not a new impossible role I am recommending. I want to recommend two books for you that are classics in this area and have helped so many men realize that they don't have to be swashbuckling movie stars or Sir Del with a castle to romance their wives.
You live in a remote area so it might cost you to get the books shipped to you quickly so you can get started. But it's worth the price.
The RoMANtics Guide: Hundreds of Tips for a Lifetime of Love by Michael Webb.
101 Nights of Grreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples by Laura Corn. The whole thing she has with the envelopes of different proposals is not the important part. It's the creativity.
Dell, that's what we're getting at: being creative. That will be fun. When?
When you agree in yourself that you WANT to make your marriage fun and great. That it's not a burden, but the best part of your life. Then it won't be about putting a face on for the family or anything like that. It'll be about you two. So share this with her too and the two of you start having a great romance.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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