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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I believe that I need to hill the iner child/the child within

Resolved Question:

I believe that I need to hill the iner child/the child within me who has been hurted, unloved, critisized and neglecteg in the childhood. I am angry and short fused and I believe that there is a link between these two. Pls advice
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 2 years ago.

Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.


You have read books and gone to seminars on these issues. So you have done some self-help work. Are you ready to work with a psychologist now on these problems?

Because they sound as if they are serious problems. And the most effective way may be working in psychotherapy. Or are you looking for ways to do this on your own?

If on your own, what type of self help work have you done so far?

Are you getting any treatment right now? If so, what type? How is it going?

If not, when was the last treatment? What type of treatment was it? Was it helpful?

Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.


Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

As I said i have read books, and at the moment reading another one "The power is within you". I am not on any treatment I have spoken to my GP but he said that I don't need any treatment and that most people have childhood trauma. Additionally I have a psychologist friend who said that the books will help me, I am not that bad to need treatment, I just need to love my self more and accept what has happened in the past is the past and see forward.

 

I would like another expert pls!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Still waiting for my answer!!!
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I would like to help you with your question.

 

Whenever someone has experienced neglect, been unloved and criticized in childhood, that causes a reaction in the child. A child needs love and attention to thrive. When the attention is negative or hurtful, then the child grows up with unmet needs. Your problems with anger are connected to the unmet needs you experienced as a child.

 

Although your doctor and your friend know you and your needs, you seem to feel that you have unmet needs and that there is a connection between your current issues and your past. That is enough to say that therapy should be considered for you. A therapist can help provide you with an evaluation to tell you what your anger might mean and the connection it may have to your childhood. Short term outpatient therapy may be enough to help you understand the connection and help start you on a path of feeling better.

 

Since you have your doctor and your friend to help you, they may be able to provide you with referrals to a therapist. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

The fact that most people experience childhood trauma does not mean it does not affect people in harmful ways. A child that has unmet needs does not know how to relate to the world in a normal way. As they grow up, they continue to search for a way to fill the hole inside left by the love and care they should have received from their parents or caregivers. As a result, some adults abused as children experience anger issues, others respond by developing anxiety, PTSD or depression, and still others have dysfunctional relationships. They may also abuse other people, including their own children. It depends on the abuse they experienced as a child and what kind of personality and coping mechanisms they have as an individual as to how they respond.

 

You can certainly learn to accept your past and move on. But in doing so, you still need to understand why you feel angry and what caused it. And what you can do to fulfill the needs you did not get met as a child. This is part of moving on. Loving yourself is wonderful, but people who can do this have come to terms with what happened to them through self help and/or therapy. Very few people have the ability to just accept their past and love themselves despite what happened to them.

 

You have the insight and drive to feel better. You know you have something bothering you that is preventing you from moving forward. That means you are healthy and want to overcome your past. This is what will get you through and help you to get better.

 

Since you have already read books and sought out other resources, if you feel you want me to recommend other resources for you I will be glad to do so. Just let me know.

 

If you have any other questions or want clarification, I'd be happy to help.

 

Kate

 

 

 

If you found your answer helpful, please click accept. Even though you have made a deposit, I am not paid unless you accept. Thank you!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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