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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and over the past

Customer Question

Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and over the past year we have been having problems... how do i know if I am the or my emotions are the cause of our problems or if I am being emotionally abused?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about what is going on. To be able to best help you and for me to understand better what is happening it would help a great deal if you would elaborate and tell me more --- about what is going on with you, of what is happening with him.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well for example today i was texting him and asked what his dad had to say to him the other day
his response was how do u know he texted me and why do you care

I asked him what his problem was

he said because i dont feel like texting

me=i know because i was laying there when your phone went off and so that means u get to b a jerk to me and start a fight?

he never responded so i just kept going saying he could have just responded nicely and really carried on about how much of a jerk he is to me told him to get over himself i said i would never bother him again and asked why he had to treat me like a nuissance and why being mean was his best option i didnt do anything to him

he said i was annoying and to focus on my job

i asked why he couldnt b nice

he said whats wrong with u r u on your period

i went off again and said him being mean was the problem and said just leave me alone u dont care about how u affect me and said he has never said how much he wants me all i hear is how much i annoy him i said i just want him to b happy and i feel like i only make him unhappy all i did was ask about his dad and sorry for caring


he said shut up quit making problems and ruining both of our days


i said sorry i was happy for u i thought u guys actually talked for once


it continues like this back and forth him hurting my feelings and me trying to explain how my depression affects me and how i was all ready feeling bad today then his attitud eupset me worse

he says depression isnt an excuse for what i say and it isnt his problem

i said i cant be with him if hes going to keep bashing me and ripping me up because i say the wrong thing sometimes i cant be perfect for him but i love him and dont want to lose him

he says he wouldnt treat me bad if i would just shut up take my pills and not make problems for us and he is really hurtful but is it my problems or is he trying to keep me down

my bpss thinks its emotional abuse but i did start the fight i always say the wrong thing i always annoy him i always push push push why cant i stop myself why cant i shut up
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not you. It's him and yes he is being emotionally abusive. You say you love him and don't want to lose him. Excuse me????? Why would , do, you want someone who treats you like that?There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with him. And stop beating up on yourself. You aren't doing anything wrong!



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
so me being "bitchy" and snapping at him isnt an issue at all? if i had juust left him alone when he said he didnt want to text wouldnt it have been better?
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.

I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would
like to add to this chat.If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
You weren't being bitchy! So are you saying it would be better to never open your mouth --- to just shut up at all times???? Come on --- he's the one who is being bitchy.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
if its my insecurties and problems that hes tired of reassuring me he loves me and is tired of me questioning every move i think i have things to definately work on do u think we can fix these things togetehr or should i really just walk away from him
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
I am quoting what you said, "If its my insecurties and problems that hes tired of reassuring me he loves me and is tired of me questioning every move i think i have things to definately work on do u think we can fix these things togetehr or should i really just walk away from him." If you think you have insecurities and you think it is driving him away and you still love him and want to be with him then you should seek out a therapist who will help you deal with your insecurities.This way you will pour out your insecurities to a therapist and not to him. I'd be glad to help you find someone if you give me your city, state and zip code.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
swissvale pa 15218

i have high mark insurnce

ThANKYOU
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Usually, the therapists are not listed by insurance -- I will check, though. If I can't find therapists by insurance I will look for a list in your area and when you call ask if they take your insurance.
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
LUCKY!

I found someone who accepts your insurance. Double check though to make sure that he does.

ANDREW P. YAKE, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
(412) 350-8814
[email protected]
CONTACT ME

Please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.