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I am sorry about the grief that you are experiencing. I think loving yourself just the way you are and accepting yourself, all the different parts of yourself would be the beginning. I know it will not be easy, but you have to start somewhere. Life has given you many challenges but it seams that you are able to form a loving relationship for 7 years so I think you can start by see that you are worth your own time. I would also would like to know that are your own thoughts about the abortion and what you are telling yourself about it. You can't change the past but you can change how your see the past. It sounds like you are biting yourself up. You were young and you did your best at the time. Now with your adult mind are you criticizing the younger you? If you were one of your friends would you treat your friend the way your treat yourself. I bet you are a lovely person and you deserve to give yourself a break. I think the critical voices that lower your self -esteem come from your childhood. First step. Please forgive yourself no matter what you think you did wrong. You are human. How do you do that you imagine yourself being younger and you hug and accept yourself. Visualize your own younger self and let your adult self give her some comfort. Write the opposite thoughts than the once that come to your mind when you think about the past. For instance I am a great person and I deserve to be happy. As someone who also has dealt with an eating addiction is not what you are eating is what is eating you. I hope this makes sense let me know if I am way off. Please write a letter of forgiveness to your younger self. I know it sounds silly but it does work. It takes time, meditation and visualization. I also agree with the previous experts referral to OA. They have free meetings online that can give you support when you need it.