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Ask Dr. Rossi Your Own Question
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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My boyfriend and I got into an argument and he called his parents

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I got into an argument and he called his parents who live 2 hours away. His dad drove down within 2 hours..why?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.

Hi,

 

If you're asking about the possible reasons as to why a grown up man would call his father after he had a scuff with his partner (you), the reasons can vary. Not knowing him or his side of the story or other dynamics of your relationship some speculations are 1/ he has a dependent relationship with his father 2/ he did not know how to deal with this and subsequent feelings and the one person he trusts is his father or 3/ he wanted some advice from another man on what to do 4/ his father has some sort of a hold on him and may have not approved of the relationship (your ex may have called to inform him that the relationship is over especially if he needs something from his father)

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
His father didn't approve because I'm black. The lastthing I said to him on text sunday morning was to never contact me again. He came by my apartment yesterday and dropped off my important belongings..work related stuff. He had his friend text me to letme know it was there. He lives 40 minutes from me. Does it sound like our relationship is over ?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.
From what you've shared it does appear to be over. You'd have to figure out what you'd want to do if he is to try to contact you later on and try to give you some sort of an explanation or want to get back together. Of course, you know him better and most likely what he'd do next. Him contacting his father than makes sense because think about there may be something he needs from his father ex: money.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been together for 4 years and broken up before, but never had parents involved. I haven't talked to him since Sunday and its been hard. I'm trying to use the NoContact method to give space, but at the same time I'm hoping he makes some kind of contact. I hate the way it all went down. Does it say something that he drove 40 minutes to drop off my belongings?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.
Yes, dropping belongings is indicative that he's trying to remove anything that would give him a reason to talk to you (at least for the time being) Try not to cave in because he's as responsible for the argument as much as you may feel that you are. Four years is a long time and unfortunately if there had been arguments before, these may have rocked the relationship to this last incident.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Last quesion..do you think he is feeling hurt as much as me? Maybe second guessing himself on calling his parents?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.
He may. After all, he was your partner for 4 years and that is not a small matter. Fights and breaking up are both hard things to deal with. It could very well be why he called his parents. Perhaps give it some time and see what comes up after feelings on both ends cool off a bit.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I promise this is last question...I gotta pick up my kiddo. We have been having fights because of his cybersex issues/trust. And I told his mom about it on Sunday. She said she didnt condone his behavior and saw why i was upset.. Do you think that with me telling his mom that he will get help for that? embarrased?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.
He may get help especially if now she is telling him something to the affect of his behavior in addition to your feedback. He has to want to change regardless of the reason behind it.