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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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Dear XXXXX, you have made me cry. But it is good, yes ,you

Customer Question

Dear XXXXX, you have made me cry. But it is good, yes ,you are right, I came from Avery poor family , my father have not treat me right ther is a book that right about 40 women successful story I were included I try very best to made my my mom happy she is the best,
No matter how much people told me I were petty or I were somebody, I always seen not believed I also have give interview to abc, but I always felt I'm not good enough. When I learn how much he go through I feel bad and I forgive him, when I told him I leave he will tell me that he is sorry and he need to go to mentle therapy , then I feel bad I take him, and now yes he might run but I know he will be back when he learn I'm good again, I wanted so bad to leave this relationship but the sorry and then ,ater guilty feeling come, my grandfather abondance my mom and my grandma, they are very rich all my mother side had money and look us down, take me 20 years made myself to be known now they calling my mom because of me, it is not easy but I just don't know to get mad and I don't know how to get out of my life . The moment I say that it, the moment I already feel bad for him, Steve I'm so sorry for keep writing to you, but really wanted to fix this I know can not give myself any more hooe on this, please help. Best Mindy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

Mindy,

 

We receive much of our self esteem from our families and our relationship with our parents. Women receive so much of their self value through their fathers, and if that relationship was damaged, many grown women pursue relationships with men who are aloof, distant and hurtful...much like their own fathers. It becomes a cycle.

 

To break the cycle:

 

If you are able, continue to look at what you have told me about your own family. I hope you can now see that you feel the way you do about this abusive man because you are still looking to be accepted. You do not want to reject him because you have felt the same way in your own life. But, this is different. His feelings are not the same as your own, even if you think they might be. He is a different person, and you cannot and should not project onto him, feelings that are yours from your past. Therefore, when you set limits on what you will accept from him, yes, he will feel badly, but it is not the same rejection and feelings that you experienced. It is different. So, you can feel free doing what you need to protect yourself as he will not feel the same pain that you did as a person growing up in your family.

 

I would like to recommend a book to you. It is Adult Children of Abusive Parents by Steven Farmer. It is very inexpensive on amazon.com and other internet sites. It outlines exactly what you have experienced and shows you how you may react to the pain of this experience by choosing damaging love relationships.

 

Mindy, you have taken some good steps here. Look at what I wrote about separating your own feelings and past from what he has done to you. They are different. When you see that he does not feel the same things as you do... and that you were victimized by others and that he is an abuser, not a victim...you will find the strength to stand up for yourself, without apology and will be able to set limits on this harmful relationship. Steven

 

 

 

 

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank a lot and a lot. I will do that and I hope soon I will write to you and tell you good news . Mindy
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

You are so welcome Mindy

 

Should you need anything else, please let me know. Steven

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