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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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I think I might be Gay. I am currently being asessed for Autism

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I think I might be Gay. I am currently being asessed for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I know I already have dyslexia. I have never been good at relationships. At the 6th form I had girl friends but I never wanted to become intimate. I sensory issues surrounding this. The relationships always failed.I was bullied at School and they called me Gay. I did not argue with them though I did not realy understand what they meant. I like my routines and familier things. I dont like change. I still live with my parents and I have never been in employment. I have always liked looking at glamour pictures of men.Some of it would be classed as porn. I like these pictures more than ones of females. I have always thought that I could be Gay. I used to fanatise about having sex with females but more recently men. I have recently had my first erection expeirence with another person. He is younger than me and I have been friendly with him for a while. He told me he was Gay and that he liked me. Apparantly he had thought that I had been aware of this and for some time. When I think back i clearly had missed his social cues. I do feel attraction to him , more than I did towards my girl friends.I would have liked to explore these feelings but I cannot. Its like having a computer that has a proggramme missing. My ability for relationships just isnt their. Being diagnosed as Autistic would explain this, I am not homophobic . I go to to Church but I believe that Love is valid between any consenting adults and what goes with it. Does it sound like I could be Gay and Autistic or am I denying just being Gay. I have waited nearly a year for a diagnosis. I am 48 and I live in the uk. I could do with some advice. In lots of ways I am happy being single , though I have some curiosity about sex. The reaction I had just suprised me and was not in my control.I understand that you could be both or prehaps I am asexual. Its only happened once. This man was younger than me and was upset by my lack of awareness. I dont have any friends my own age and most of my friends are friends of my family from the Church.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Hello, please refer to my earlier response to your question...Once again please accept my sincere apologies for the delay...
Blessings and warmest wishes..
Karyn J
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
The answer I received was a apology that it was late and that the expert had already answered my question. I have had no answer . I would like to know what I am paying for or I cannot agree pay mention. Thank you David.
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Hello David,( this was the answer I had given to your prior inquiry ..below.. and thank you for approaching Just Answer with your concerns...
My name is Karyn and I am a gay Christian Counsellor here...and I am truly sorry to read of your dilemma and many difficulties in life...Not easy for you to say the very least and really feel for you in this..Please forgive this late response as it has much to do with world time difference unfortunately...Hopefully though, I can at least help to clarify further for you...

In all honesty I suspect that at this point in time in your life you have a definitely leaning towards the male gender... rather than the female..Ultimately though only time will really tell upon further discovery and eventually via a sexual relationship, as to which gender you really feel most attracted to,comfortable and 'fully' at ease with...
You now know that you have become aroused around this new guy..and that there have been other clues for you...Though, a mix of confusion has been thrown in the pot for you as well seems.. that have created further difficulties for you ..these conditions being dyslexic and autistic...
There could be every possibility that you are symptomatic in your adulthood re: these conditions..and this may have a lot to do with your having much difficulty establishing a good connection and relationship with another..' Though this of course being just one particular symptom of these conditions..In some ways you seem to almost defy them..i.e your need for orderliness, and systematic...attention to much detail...
The only way that you will really know, is when you have been officially diagnosed...and so if deemed to be confirmed, then a treatment plan to help you in ease of these symptoms will be put in place for you via your assessor/psychiatrist.../Dr.

This will require a combination of medication and aid to help you have quality of life and relationships.....I would be inclined to try to get your assessment through for diagnoses as soon as you can..( most likely this would be done through your parents)...Otherwise, it would be a very good idea to work with another Dr and get a referral through him/her sooner ..This is very important not only for your overall well being but, that you can obtain maximum quality of life in relation to yourself and others in general..And a professional treatment plan is the only real way forward..
Once you know where you are going with a diagnoses will have the necessary support..emotionally..psychologically to help you identify with 'self' ...This will also help you know more of ''who you are ' in yourself ..and how to go about it...Because you will have acquired an acute awareness of any possible symptoms you may have in relation to both Autism, and Dyslexia.
No one else can really tell you who you are or aren't' attracted to!!! ...But, the more you know about yourself ...the more you will find that the 'right' doors will open that count ...God truly does love you...and you are right when you say that He doesn't care about the things that don't matter..He knows that you love Him..If you ask Him, He will also guide you through this rough time..
He cares as to whether that 'special' someone out there is a good' caring person for you...
I truly do hope that this has been helpful to you...But, it would be worth it to you very much to have that diagnoses pushed through as quickly as possible..otherwise I would try to get in with another professional much sooner...This would be a very good starting point from which to work from.
Please take very good care of 'self' now...won't you...In the meantime it might help to see a cbt therapist...(Cognitive behavioral therapist)...He or she can be very useful in working with thoughts and feelings that present certain behaviors...
I have posted 3 helpful websites below for you....with regards symptoms of autism in adulthood..and the other symptoms displayed in adulthood re; help ..
I thought I would also post a website of cbt therapist directory near you...
Please 'accept' my response with feedback if it has proved helpful to it contributes much by way of keeping this very valuable service going for you and others alike in the future...
May God bless you and keep you always
Kind thoughts
Karyn J (ProfClinicalDipCoBmin)

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Hi David, lease find enclosed those websites that may be of hel to you... THERAPIST DIRECTORY

Thank you so much once again...
Karyn J
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for this advice .unfortunately there is only one expert that I could be refured to and he has a long waiting list . I am sure that I received the wrong diagnosis from my physciatrist 10 years ago of psychotic depression. When I looked into ASD my own Doctor encouraged me to seek a diagnosis. The local Physciatatrist told me I had mild aspergers syndrome and then wrote to my Doctor saying that I he thought I didn't . I questioned himnabout this as naturally I was upset. I had accepted his diagnosis and thought that was what I needed. This was when I was refured to this expert . I have tried to contact him about my refural but he has not acknowledge this .
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Hi David, thanks so much for your update...and can truly imagine just' how frustrating to say the very least that this must be for you...I honestly advice that you keep trying to contact him about your referral as under the circumstances this really is the only way forward and onwards so that you know what it is you are dealing with...Keep at it as I have heard unfortunately that this is not uncommon practice...
But!! hang in really need to see this through and stick with it..It will provide a lot of answers for you in the long term.
kind thoughts
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks again for the reply. I suggested to this guy that we become friends. This is not what he wanted .he was alot younger than me and had assumed that I was aware of his attraction to me . I was only aware of my attraction .He has done some plumbing work for our church and the approved contacted. His attitude struck me as a bit immature and not very professional .This was a year ago . The Church benafitted as he did not submit a bill. I know realise that I miss this type of thing. I have problems with my gut .This is also common with ASD. As far as Cognitive behavioural therapy is concerned I don't think I have a problem with being Gay. I have mentioned this to my parents when I was younger and that I was not sure. I just don't like change and having a relationship with some body would mean that. That has always been the difficulty. I did not want to go to university because it would have meant leaving home not just because of the difficulties I have had with Education. I have been discharged from my local Physciatrist and I have recontacted him ,unfortunately he is not connected with ASD any more and I will have to go through the system again with some body else. This expert has agreed to see me but how long it will take he has not said. I will contact him again ASAP. I don't like using phones but as you say itvis the only real way forward. Out of interest I have had suspected schizophrenia when I was 19 . I was reffured to a Physciatrist who I think labelled me physcotic depressive. I have under active thyroid and I have been admitted to a physciatric hospital for assessment and help . This was 10 years ago. I have had some stress related problems since that have needed treatment from my local Doctor. I have tried to learn to drive but I was told afterva year that I was getting nowhere .I could not judge speeds and with the left and right problems I wasn't safe. I understan that this is common with ASD. I was also poor at sport at School and I was given extra lessons instead. My iIQ tends to be a bit higher than average but my School did not understand whybi was having problems. I was put into the remedial class and had some one to one help. When I got back into the mainstream I had thevgreatest problem with Maths. My spelling is a bit dodgy and I used to prounance words wrong car park would become par cark. I might have to change the plumber as I am responsible for maintaining the building . I am good at that . I am not alwaysvgood withnpeoplebas we have lost two church treasures in succession because of remarks that I have said. I don't understand why they got so upset. Thanks again
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have further contemplated your reply. I think that indo not realy have a problem with being Gay. When I first became a Christian I thought that you had to be celibate .From my interaction on the Internet and with your help I think that God does not as ask this . I have wanted to live as a openly Gay man for a while and to show that love in a adult relationship. I have liked girls but I feel increasingly sure that to marry a girl would be dishonest . When I was little I wanted to livevwith my best friend. Girls have always been interested in me but I just dont share there enthusiasm although having abfamily would be ok. No the problem that I realy have is my complete lack o ability to have a adult relationship . I don't like being touched for a start . I felt love for someone almost my age and who went to my church. I didn't not understand my feelings then. Unfortunately hevwas killed in a car crash. I don't know if he felt the same . This young man reminds me a bit of him. Perhaps God is telling me that this might be so . I still feel love for him we were very similar apparently he was not very good a friendship swell. I see his parents every week at Church. When I feel aroused it is him that I think about. I think i Gay like you are but relationships are beyond my capacity. If I'm autistic then this would explain alot and I could get some help . My local Doctor is very supportive. You have shown me that God does love does love me at a time when I was thinking of rejecting him most. Thank you !
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Dear David, have been through much in your life time..and I am very honored that you have shared you story with me..and I am very pleased to have shared and confirmed God's love and affirmation for you...He ( our loving God so full of grace ) would have wanted me o do this..
Please be encouraged ...and press on with this...when you finally have that diagnoses many other things will fall in place for you and tell you much about yourself and help you to express this..and I am truly pleased that you have a very supportive Doctor..because this can be half of the battle....
Know that has created all' human kind to interact and learn from one ultimately attain wholeness and fulfillment...
That time will come once you know more and begin to understand yourself..
Take good care now and I wish you all the very best and every blessings..
Karyn J
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Hi David, just a quick note to clarify your query as much as I can...what I meant with regards symptoms of Dyslexic and symptomatic of possible Autism Spectrum that ( from what you have described in your email) in that in some areas your symptoms don't appear congruent with that of these conditions..
i.e. have problems putting 'things' in a systematic order in your life ...though, you may demonstrate this with numbers, name but one...
poor actually communicate via email very well and very clearly..though as you have mentioned previously..this becomes a challenge to you more on a face to face level...
Lack of emotional control...while communicating with seem to appear very well controlled..
Though, as I say this, please don't quote me on this..because I not qualified to make an assessment or evaluation...Only a professional fully' trained specialist in this field can do this for you...
Whatever, the case may be you are a gifted man....with many great strengths needed in life of this I am sure...
Take care now David..and I hope you get some 'action' soon..Don't let anything hold you back..
blessings & God's peace...
Kind thoughts
Karyn J
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I am greatly encouraged by what you have said. I have always been good with words. I have attempted to be a writer. I have talked to my Mum and she still feels that I do not have ASD. Dyslexia is what she has always maintained that I have. I gather from the internet that dyslexia can allso cause relationship difficulties etc. I have doubted the ASD part of it as I comunicate well with people. I had become frustrated with the Churches teachings and its view of the Bible. I had rejected both before I contacted you. I have gently disagreed with any one in the Church who has put homo phobic views. I dont come across as Gay. I suspect that alot of my problems may have arisen from this aspect of my self. I have expected my self to get married and have children.This is something that a Gay man cannot do in a convetional sence. I liked my friend and I wish I had said something to him. He might have felt the same. He did ask me if I wanted to go to a christian youth weekend with him , but it was not my scene . It was at this weekend that met his girl friend who was 15. Infact she was with him along with her brother and his girl friend. They all were killed. My friend was driving .He had just learnt to drive. His Mum told me before it happened that she thought he drove to much. He was engaged to her but he had his funeral separate. I had the feeling from what was said at his funeral that we were very much alike. I wanted to tell him that I was ok about his girlfriend. I cannot remember speaking to him after I had turned down his offer. I wish I had said yes. 15 seems a bit young as he was 19 at the time. He made his choice . Thinking back it does seem to me that I might have missed a social cue made by him. Like I said I have rejected the official christian view on Gay people and at that time you told me that God loved me. I still feel this. My idea of unconditional love is that God died so that we would all be saved. No conditions at all are attached. I strongly feel this. I have argued this and it puzzles people . You have to believe in God , go to church. be hetrosexual or ceiibate in order to take up this offer. Those are conditions. So I feel that God has confirmed this view. It might not be your view .But I am more impressed by God if he did not put conditions to. I would more inclined to want to say thanks and believe.The conditions have been placed by the Church as small print and I dont believe that God does that. I have unusal sences that would suggest to me that I may be clairvoyent. I dont believe in using it to contact them But i had a feeling of great joy as a small child visiting on my bike a lake on the edge of my town. It didnt last long . The feeling of euphoria that I have not felt since. I have since discovered that a boy around my age drowned their . I discovered this from his elderly Mum who just to ask me to visit her. This was when I was first unemployed. I have since become a non paid pasterol worker for my small church. I had a similer feeling shortly after my friends death. I felt his presence and I have done ever since. There have been other things as well. I do fantasise about my friend in a Gay way and this had helped me to come to terms with my feelings. I dont want to be celibate but my feelings for him are stronger than ever. Thank you for reading what I have put. Prehaps God wants me to put a more posative spin on the Christian message. Doing it in words more be the way to do it.I hope this does not sound odd. I have recently read a web sight that said that alot of clarvoyents are allso dyslexic.I seem to be sensative though I cannot claim to have seen anything . It could a good fantasy imagination. It has been of great use talking to some one who is similer to me and for you to be non judgemental. I have contacted this ASD experts Secretary but she cannot locate my name on their computer and she going to get back to me

Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 3 years ago.
Dear David,I have to say that we share in that of similar views re:God's love 'unconditional' and the church's expectations..
My great love for Him is based on my personal relationship with Him..which I try to work very' hard at sustaining..
Jesus spoke to His people on a hill fact many' hill sides...The church today to some degree is built up of (from what I believe) is a 'perception' of what God wants for His flock... but, this doesn't necessarily mean that its 'right' because we are not' perfect..for only He is...
God loves all who believe in Him and I believe He does any changing ( if necessary) in our lives..I love His people in the church...knowing that they are not infallible...but that we are all weak...yet are made strong in and through Him who strengthens and heals us..I love His I love Him...and He segregated no one...
I have experienced way too much to think otherwise...He has 'never' let me down...Where I have been disappointed and hurt through others...All part of life...
It seems that you have many wonderful gifts and discernment is most likely one of these...a very well developed 'perception' of things, around you...
God doesn't care if you have yellow 'spots' all over you...He knows your heart...always trust in that and His love..Seek through Him direction in life...
I must away now and help others...
Take good care now...
Blessings in and through His amazing grace...
Karyn J
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

It has helped to have your acceptance and encouragement. The last year has not been easy as I have been waiting and I have spent alot of time going over my life. I do have alot in coomon with autisic people. My perception is probably very good but I often only get it because I review things after the event. I feel that I am being told that he felt the same way about me. That is why he asked. We were good together and he might well have wanted me to know that he felt the same. He pobably knew I would decline but would have been happy if I had said yes. I loved both of my girl friends and I was upset that these relationships got nowhere. They even tolerated being overlapped as I realy did just see them as friends. When I was 14 I did have some transgenda difficulities in that I felt that I was turning into women. I can see now that this was a confusion of my same sex attraction and my lack of knowledge of how you could have a physical relationship. I have never experimented probably becouse I have never felt the need to. My friend may well have gone on to marry and have children If that is what he wished then I would have been happy for him. I think I seem to remember telling a Sunday School teachers meating after he had died that I liked working with him and that I loved him. Not being realy aware always of my own feelings i think i meant christian love. My love for him as grown along with the feeling that he had loved me as well. He might very well have not been been Gay but prehaps bysexual .He would have hidden this how ever or not acted upon it like I would have done. I didnt want to be celibate and the Bible says that the thought is the deed. I think from what you have said that God is accepting of my thoughts and I should not be ashamed of them or even consider myself a virgin any more . I still doubt that I could deal with a physical relationship and accept that God does not condemm my feelings . You say that I should trust my perception even though my awarness of this has mostly come since then. He was a wonderfull young man who shared my faith and I am not ashamed to have loved him and to be in love with him still.

I have wondered that if we had been more accepting of what I am and if I had told him that I loved him events may have taken a differant course. A church were it was just accepted is what is needed. Then I have wondered if it was accepted and aproved because of the way we had our relationship . The Minister was very supportive of me and I wonder if he had realised from what had been said or what he had seen that I felt a deep love for him . Well I can see it now. The other thing I would like to say is that I disliked wearing clothes as a child. Off course when I got older I was told not to do this in public as it could be misunderstood. I just kept it to the back garden nobody minded. I have worried about this but I have read that alot of autistic children have sensory issues with clothing. I certainly remembered my clothes itching. I am greatfull for this God given oppertuinty to put my words to you.This has helped form my view and acceptance of my differance. I am honest , forthright and non judgemental but not because I am perticulary good.. I do get angry and abit out of contoll on occassions.but because of the way I have been made. I may very well have to say some of this to the person who asseses me for ASD. Autistic is just a name. You have helped me to feel that it is a gift rather than a disabilty whatever name is put to it. I think it is very Christian to be like this so God wants us to be oureslfs not a steriotype. I am encouraged by what Albert Einstein said about his theory of relativatly that it was something he imagined more than calculated. I could not have easily put this to this Proffessor you have helped me to formulate my words in print and givcen me alot of courage in you proffesional and personel acceptance.God does look after us one way or another with out being over bearing a perfect parent in fact. You do not need to answer this as you are very buisy . i was scared to be myself especially with this important man. I think he would understand my honesty and be able to give a proper diagnosis that would me to acceptance .Thank you............

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