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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3706
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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If one spouse cheated then came back home after tellingthe

Resolved Question:

If one spouse cheated then came back home after tellingthe other spouse that no matter what second spouse did first spouse was going out with ex from fifty years ago because first spouse had always loved ex and now they wanted to be together but nobody wanted to get divorced. Now first spouse wants second spouse to forget everything that has happened because ex has left ex. Second spouse finds it a little difficult to just drop ip like nothing happened .This started a year and a half ago and ended three months ago.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this issue in your life. Coping with infidelity (that is what this is) is most difficult and one cannot be expected to just forget it an move on.

Bill :

Because this is a betrayal of trust and fracture of the foundation of a healthy relationship, one will always be wondering what will happen next or be double thinking everything that your spouse says. In short, there will be a multitude of triggers that will take you back to this.

Bill :

After seeing couples for over 30 years, I know how easy it is for men to compartmentalize there issues which essentially means, they can put rationalize and issue and put it out of their mind and expect everyone else to do the same. Women are not prone to doing this as they have a much greater sense of what true intimacy is and feeling betrayed is not something that can be "stored in a cabinet" and forgotten.

Bill :

If the spouse in question is not willing to address this with a third party i.e. a therapist or counselor, trusted clergy etc. it will be very difficult to accommodate this which means that the person who is betrayed should seek help for themselves if they need assistance working through this emotional trauma.

Bill :

Many of my patients who have been through similar incidents, find the following website helpful in understanding infidelity and how to cope with it in a marriage.

Bill :

As you will see there are number of helpful articles, and resources for additional information and online support.

Bill :

I highly recommend online support groups with others who are coping with similar problems. It will help you.

Bill :

Should you have further questions of me, feel free to ask.

Bill :

Otherwise, I wish you the very best at this difficult time.

Bill :

Bill

Bill :

PLEASE CLICK ACCEPT SO THAT I CAN BE CREDITED FOR MY TIME

Bill :

Thanks.

Bill and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Bill replied 5 years ago.
As you were off line, I have responded above. Please feel free to reply here if needed.
Best,Bill