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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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I am a 44 y.o. man without any complexes or obvious perversions

Customer Question

I am a 44 y.o. man without any complexes or obvious perversions :). Not violent.. living with an older woman who is just not much into sex stuff. I do have some fantacies, and some occasionnal peaks of what i call an elevated horniness and expanded desire of a fresh brand new pussy. preferably young :). watching a lot of porn (have to constantly switch to new scenes, not into same movie over and over..), do not really care about sex addictions issue (even if i have it so what - its nothing fatal or violent etc..). However finding real sex partners is kind of difficult and unrealistic and too much effort :) . Sometimes I am 'sexually very elevated' after I take a bit of extra of a stimulant (like Adderral that i am prescribed, or other amphetamine (but my question is not about a substance addiction either, i care less..). My question is actually WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BEST 'SITUATIONAL MANAGEMENT' approach ? i mean, i'd rather spend time MORE PRODUCTIVELY in certain ways than creating an 'illusion of variety of porn' for hours, for example. yet i DO NOT WANT TO CONTROL MYSELF, admit that i am 'powerless in relation to sex addiction ' or some other AA type of crap - because i am NOT powerless at all. I can do / change /arrange / facilitate, /etc. anything i want, really. I don't know if i formulated myself crearly or not.. and i have Master's in Clinical Psychology, actually, too. LOL.. well, would anyone dare to answer such a vaguely defined question as mine?
THANK YOU if you can try.
VLAD
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

My take on this is that you are probably asking the wrong question. This is because I think what you are really wanting at age 44, is not new, exciting sex, but an emotional and sexual relationship that really means something to you. Seeking after sex with young women and saying you want better 'situational management' I don't think, is the answer for what is missing in your life. I suspect you feel 'stuck' in your current relationship with your partner and that you not only don't want to put the effort into seeking out new relationships, you are actually afraid to---afraid you'll be disappointed and afraid you'll have to deal with rejection if you find someone you really may want. What I think you are chasing after won't really make you happy long term---temporary band aid on what is missing in your life; and it won't go away with exciting new porn or a string of hot younger female sex partners. Maybe you don't want to have the nagging craving to come to an end, but I would doubt this. I don't know if you are prepared to do the work that would be required to develop a deeply meaningful relationship that involves ongoing intimacy, true, mutual knowledge of one another, and great sex, because it is a ton of work to find it and then create it. What do you think?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Quite amazing how u arrived at right conclusions based on so little info! I wont comment much at this time (as I am still digesting some of the things u said) but I can say that itvwas probably one thing only I were incorrect about (assumption of my fear of rejection) bit u were right on about my fear oof disappointment And especially about my NOT wanting to stop a ' nagging craving'.the. latter is precisely the nature of my obcession ( I wouldn't use theceord addiction as itcmeans no more than a term of social control...). It is very correctou are happening t o b the only person on the face of this planet ( not counting me :) ) who knows abo ut this ' unpopular' and not- talked- about obsession with arousal. Craving for everchanging excitement and excitement of craving. In anycase regardless of being doubtful about your suggested solution. I am nevertheless VERY IMPRESSED with the precision of your analysys and definition. I would very much like to indefinitely. Work with you in future.definitely.(( as long as u agree NOT to set any goals ( at least initially) indefinitely definitely.I mean, definitely indefinitely. Lol. How can that become possible??? Thank u very much again. Even if u somehowvcheated in your reply it is still impressive.:). How can I and me continue relationship?( no homo...).:):)
Dopaminergically yours,:
Vlad
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
This site doesn't allow experts to give out their personal contact information for business reasons. Sometimes customers will successfully figure out how to contact an expert through various personal detective work, or they will embed a phone number or contact info in their posts. The expected way that this site wants experts to continue working with customers is through additional, new question posts directed to the expert. I appreciate your kind words and would definitely work with you indefinitely.

Hope this is helpful to you. Please let me know if I've failed to address the main point of your question and click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.

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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael
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2177 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.