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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Is it possible to establish a new relationship with a grown

Customer Question

Is it possible to establish a new relationship with a grown child (21 years old) who has PAS? What I really need to know is how to go about it. Also, he recently moved back in with my ex husband, his dad, and according to my daughter who also lives there, my name still gets slung through the mud. We have been divorced for over 8 years now. How do I combat this and have a relationship with my grown son who has been led to believe that I have never been a good mom to him?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so...ooo very sorry to hear about what has been going on.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I cannot find any information on the internet on how to effectively communicate with kids who have been victims of parental alienation. My son has learned to talk to me in a way that gets him what he wants but still keeps himself at a distance emotionally.

 

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.

There is an organization that I am a member of that deals with Parental Alienation. It is headquartered in Toronto, but is a global organization. It was started by a dad who was alienated from his children.

This organization provides assistance to adults and children who are

dealing with problems that relate to "Parental Alienation."
I think you should contact this organization. You can let them know that I recommended you so that they will provide you with whatever information you need --- What steps to take to regain your parenthood. Parental alienation is a form of parental child abuse. It must be stopped. This organization will help in what steps to take.

Here is the contact information:
The website for The Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation
Syndrome is www.CSPAS.ca

 

Hope you find the success that many parents have through this organization.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have looked at this web site several times. It seems to be geared more towards younger children who can be "reprogrammed". I am dealing with a young adult who thinks he knows everything. He would not agree to go to counseling. Do you have alternate suggestions or do you feel this organization can help me with a technically adult child? I have seen information on that web site that states the earlier in a childs life this is dealt with, the better chance of the "reprogramming" working. It seems they have less hope for the renewal of the parent child relationship as the child gets older and becomes an adult.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
That is not so. Contact them directly. The person who formed this organization had adult children when he connected with them. OBVIOUSLY, no question about it --- it is easier when the children are minors. Of course! Contact them and see if they have someone in your area to contact about this. It would need someone to work directly with you. There are no universal solutions.
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would
like to add to this chat.If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Sorry but I am a member of the Parental Alienation Organization and do know a lot about that syndrome. AND it's because I know a lot about that syndrome that I asked you to contact that organization to see about finding someone in your area. I would have absolutely NO IDEA and neither would anyone else why you are alienatyed from your son unless a very thorough interview was done. So, of course, I gave you that URL because ALL of us professionals who are members there are experts in this area. That's why by the way, that we don't give you some hocus answer without knowing your situation very thoroughly. There would not be many people on this site who would know about this site. Of all of us EXPERTS on this site, I am the only one who is a member of Parental Alienation Organization.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear Dr. Schaye,

 

I'm sorry if I have offended you. I was going by the very limited information I had about you when I posted my feedback. Had you expressed that you are and expert in the field of PAS and are a member of the organization you referred me to, and explained it to me the way you did below, I would not have felt like I was being given a quick and easy response for my $29.00. I was skeptical of using this online site and selected the detailed answer because I wanted someone to give me the best advice possible. I do realize you cannot make a genuine assessment of my situation without knowing the complete history of it.

 

I feel much better knowing you are a member of the web site you sent me to. Again, please accept my apology for stating that you are not an expert in the field of my question. Would you have given me a different answer if I'd only paid the $19.00 fee? My complaint is mostly with this web site offering different levels of detailed answers when the answer may have been the same no matter how much I paid. I appreciate your referral to those web sites and I'm looking forward to getting in touch with them. If I could leave different feedback now, I would. Thanks again.

 

 

Your previous response:

 

"I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Sorry but I am a member of the Parental Alienation Organization and do know a lot about that syndrome. AND it's because I know a lot about that syndrome that I asked you to contact that organization to see about finding someone in your area. I would have absolutely NO IDEA and neither would anyone else why you are alienatyed from your son unless a very thorough interview was done. So, of course, I gave you that URL because ALL of us professionals who are members there are experts in this area. That's why by the way, that we don't give you some hocus answer without knowing your situation very thoroughly. There would not be many people on this site who would know about this site. Of all of us EXPERTS on this site, I am the only one who is a member of Parental Alienation Organization."

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
Thank you, I appreciate your comments. Apropos, would I give you a different response if you paid less --- my answer is NO. I try to give the best possible answer in the very limited way we have available to us. I will say this, though. I have 17 years of education in the mental health field post my bachelor's degree and have entered the field in 1962 --- and so a lot of experience, too. So I almost never answer below a certain amount.

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