Hi and thanks for writing JA
are you there?
hello? are you there?
Well Hi and nice to see you
how are you doing today?
Sorry I took so long, I'm used to a different type of chat box.
oh no problem
can you read my posts?
Could be much better. Look I really have a hard time with the passive agressive behavior of others and most frequently one person in particular.
yes passive aggressive behavior is one of the more irksome behaviors
yes I can, Thanks!
The thing about the way we feel when we are dealing with someone who is behaving in a passive aggresive way is that we resent being "controlled" which is exactly what the person is trying to do to us
that is why it is so aggravating
they know full well their behaviors are such as to evoke a negative response from others
but they do it anyway so as to "control" the interaction
Now when i try to ignore them then they act victimized, when i confront they act victimized, or I get angry and they act victimized, I wish there was a way for me to get them to acknowledge their behavior but that doesen't seem a good prospect.
No I dont think they wish to change
do you have to work with this person? live with this person?
An example: Some one whom I live with likes acting as if he doesen't understand me because his english is limited, but when I tell him that i know full well that he understands me , he spends some VERY good vocabulary telling me how he doesen't understand! then when i point that out to him he just SMILES and denies it and calls me "stupid' loud enough for me to hear of course! What do I do with this type?
dont power struggle with him
you cannot win this type of manipulation
so dont struggle with him at all
in fact agree with every thing he says
no matter what
But then with this type , if i do that, then they accuse me of acting "condescending" (victim)
dont be condescending that would be to engage in the struggle
neutrally agree with everything
nod yes and say a lot of Oh I see
I know its hard to do but you will be surprised by how well it can work
then there is plan b
which is to nice em to death
And when I'm accused of being condesending ANYWAY? just deniy it? then we'll have an arguement about whether or not I'm condesending!
agree and say I am condescending arent I? how sad for you?
just agree and agree
its all nonsense accusations on their part and they know it
they just wanna get your gears going
so take em by surprise next time and agree agree agree
agree with everything they say
except of course if it is illegal
O.k. I'll give that a try, but you know, I wish i had the "magic" words to convince them that their behavior is hurtful and self destructive and ..wrong.
Oh if you had those magic words I would pay you for them
I see a lot of passive aggressive people in my practice and believe it or not
not only do they aggravate the heck out of people around them
they aggravate the heck out of themselves
if you come up with that potion or those words, please let me know?
I'll keep that in mind in case I ever come across them!
Arent you blessed that you are not the one with the problem?
Thank you for the good ear to lean on, I'll take your advise.
Yes try this
I think it will shock and awe them. They are accustomed to you responding in a certain way and I like catching people like him off guard.
and I will be rooting for you all the way
take good care now
I'll tell you something... I myself used to be this way when I was much younger, but I turned around one day and realized that my life really sucked ass! so I started to get a bit more honest and see things differently. I wish I could show others that realization that took me a while with those "magic words".but I haven't found them yet, sort of like nobody once had them for me...