How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Mark Manley Your Own Question

Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
56283723
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Mark Manley is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my wife took my children and left theni got hurt and had to

Resolved Question:

my wife took my children and left theni got hurt and had to move to where they were she told me about affair before i got hurt, but broke it off when i got therel The issue is i am having a really hard time trusting her as if i had not gotten hurt she would still be with this guy. I asked her this and she blames me for it I am now angry and don't no how to start to heal this
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for using just answer.

Sounds like you are in a world of hurt. I wonder if she would be willing to commit to no affairs, and go with you to some marriage counseling.

It doesn't sound like you two are gonna figure this one out without some assistance.

Are you willing to get some help?

Tell me more.

Sincerely.
mark manley
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok it started we lost the home we were living in and so she had to move woth the kids back to Indiana. I I moved in with a friend and her kids. At the end of the first month i told her i had a new residence to come back to CA, she decline after 3 months she decline after 6 months between semesters she declined. At the end of the school year when i came to my daughters graduation she said she had her friend jesse, I returned to ca an was injured a week later at work. forcing me to return to Indiana. Since my return we have gotten back together but i am angry because of the lies and betrayal and her walking out on our marriage. I ask several times as to what was going on and it was always met with anger finall yshe admitted it but accused me of having an affair with our friend because she had a crush on me. I told her several times to ask but shesays we will both lie. Now she expects total forgiveness, after o asked what would have happened if i hadn't gotten hurt, then they would have still been together which she says oh i just made a mistake without actually acknowledging the truth of that statement and the hurt and anger it has caused.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
What you are going through is one of the most painful things you can experience. It is normal to feel a number of painful feelings quite strongly when your spouse has been with someone else. You feel angry, cheated, hurt, rejected, resentful and depressed. You want to trust her again but you can't seem to find a way to do it. You want her to acknowledge how much she has hurt you but you get excuses and accusations instead. You get tired of feeling all these strong feelings and just want to get over it and forgive and forget but you can't seem to let go of the pain and all the accompanying feelings mentioned above. You keep thinking about the affair even though you try not to. All of this is a normal reaction when you find out your spouse is having or had an affair.

She wants to believe you had an affair to justify her behavior. Don't argue with her about this.

Ask her what she would like from your marriage that she has not been getting and try really hard to listen with out being defensive and with out being overwhelmed and discouraged. If you get her talXXXXX, XXXXX't interrupt her, just listen, (you could even take some notes). If you are thinking to yourself "I can't believe she just said that, or, she should listen to herself talk sometime." just keep it to your self and keep listening.

It's not fair that you should have to be the listener when she owes you a huge and sincere apology but you have to check with your self on some thing, ask your self. "do I want to be right or do I want our marriage to have a chance to get well?"

This is pretty hard stuff to do all by your self. you may want to pick up a book on healing after an affair, or get some coaching or counseling. You can do all of the above even if she is not yet willing to.

Healing starts with you. Anything you do to become more well will add to your future happiness. I hope she joins you but if not you still deserve to be well and happy.

P.S. It is possible for a marriage to heal even after an affair, many have.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
Mark Manley and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Mark Manley
Mark Manley
268 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.