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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate; Do you think memories come about randomly There

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate;

Do you think memories come about randomly? There are parts of my story you do not know yet but I have spent most of the weekend and today thinking about a certain event.

When I was attacked the third time, the police did not think that my daughter and I were safe. I live in Canada but have dual citizenship and am able to live in either country. I never have lived in the U.S. but do have family throughout. None that I've actually met.

In a matter of 72 hours, we packed up what we could and left. No goodbyes except to my parents with no one knowing where our final destination was to be except the police and my parents. It was extremely difficult as I had to make a video recording with the police with respect to the attack. Then out the door. I was filled with so much emotion with no outlet. I drove more than 30 hours to arrive at our final destination. I tried to make it into an adventure for my daughter and found fun things for us to do together in each state we stopped/slept in.

Once we arrived where we were going it was tough. I couldn't find us a place to live right away and was still paying the mortgage and all utilities on my house in Canada at the time. We didn't know when or if we would be back home and I knew no one. I eventally found a school for my daughter to attend and after a while a townhouse to live in but all our furniture and major items were not with us.

I spent the days by myself while my daughter was in school and lived off my savings which I had been saving for some time in case a situation like this were to ever occur.

Then after nearly six months, I was told i had to comeback due to some legalities with respect to my daughter. I was devastated and although very alone and unhappy, I had least felt a sense of safety for the first time in a long time. So we trecked back home very much feeling beaten again...especially me.

Lots happened in those six months and I lost a lot. I wasn't allowed to make any phone calls or email anyone. I did have contact with the Canadian Police via phone calls from payphones on the sides of various highways. I was totally cut off from all that I knew and loved except of course my daughter.

But suddenly, this is all I think of. I am angry at my loss both financially and emotionally. For the life of me, I don't know why I am constantly thinking about all this but I can't stop.

Any thoughts.

Kathy
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hello Kathy,

 

What you are experiencing is very normal. Random memories about past events, especially traumatic events, is common. What I suspect is happening is that you are beginning to work through the deep emotions you experienced in the past because you are beginning to feel safe enough to do so. And you are working hard to confront the emotions you have from your experiences and that is going to trigger other thoughts and memories from your experience.

 

I can only imagine how hard it would be to pick up and move suddenly because you are not safe where you are. Going somewhere where you have never been before, sending your daughter to an unfamiliar school and trying to manage on savings only. That would be unnerving at best. And since you are thinking about this constantly, it most likely means that you felt very strongly about it at the time but have never had a chance to work it out. You just dealt with it then moved on to the next issue. Now you feel safe enough to begin to cope with everything you went through.

 

This is a good thing to bring up with your therapist and work out. I think there are a lot of feelings behind these memories that are trying to get your attention through pushing it to your consciousness. With her help, you can explore how you felt at the time and allow yourself, finally, a chance to cope with what you experienced.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
5559 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.