Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry to hear about this and in working with people of your husbands age, you are working against the 73 years of him perfecting his character to the degree that he has which, in his case has obviously caused intense pain for you.
In such situations, one of the most important things to understand is that YOU are not going to have much impact on changing HIM. As above, his habits, behaviors, traits (good and bad) are firmly ingrained and until he raises his hand and says "I want help" the focus has to be on you and coping with this issue.
The R.N. in you wants to fix him but even after 43 years of marriage, you have obviously learned through a variety of attempts that this is not going to happen. Therefore,
You have to find support systems outside of this relationship that will sustain you and help you cope and not get entangled in the toxic aspects of your marriage. I will give you some suggestions in the following links that will help you learn how to deal with this.
You will see that these sites offer additional links for online support. Use them as they are very helpful and many of my patients like online support as a means of coping with difficult relationships as they see that they are not alone. It can be lonely and isolating.........Right.
I also want you to read and print the following document. Read it every day as it has many helpful reminders of how to remain positive:
I trust this will help to get you on track in coping and dealing with your husband while at the same time enriching you personal life.
If you have addtional questions of me, please feel free to reply and I will respond.
Otherwise, I wish you the very best with this difficult situation.
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Thanks and have a great day!