How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5452
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have quite recently moved in with my boyfriend (who Im very

Resolved Question:

I have quite recently moved in with my boyfriend (who I'm very happy with) into his one bedroom flat.

For some reason, I have developed a fear of being there on my own,and feel frightened of the dark when we go to bed. I have stayed there many times before, and not felt like this at all. I think I've got it into my head that there's a presence in the flat although I am generally a very logical person and realise this is quite daft, given there's nothing to suggest anything is wrong in the flat.

As a result when I'm there I feel uncomfortable and can't stop myself thinking of the paranormal. I know I am exacerbating the situation by thinking about it alot but can't get myself out of that cycle. I have tried taking Bach's flower remedies, but wonder what you suggest for other forms of help?

Day to day I am normally fairly calm and relaxed, and don't really recall feeling like this before.

What do you suggest?

Thanks very much

Clare
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Whenever someone develops a sudden fear, it is usually due to either a recent trauma of some sort or a significant change in the person's life. In your case, your move into your boyfriend's home probably triggered your fear reaction.

 

Since you are afraid of the paranormal and do not experience fear during the day or in any other situation, you don't necessarily have a phobia. What may have occurred is a transfer of feelings from one thing to another. What I mean is that you may have been more unsettled by the move into your boyfriend's place than you realized. You may have not recognized how you felt right away and instead transferred your feelings to the fear you have at night.

 

People fear change for many reasons, often not consciously. The mind has to find a way to cope so it expresses your fear in other ways. That is why phobias seem so unrealistic.

 

What you can do is examine your feelings around your recent move. Did you feel upset about giving up your place, maybe more than you thought? Or did you and your boyfriend have any conflicts or unresolved issues before or during your move? This may have made you question your move, even in the back of your mind. Once you can pinpoint what feelings may be causing this and you deal with them, you should begin to feel better.

 

Also, you may want to try talking to others about your experience. By sharing how you feel with trusted friends and family, you can unburden yourself and find support.

 

If you attend church, you can also speak with your pastor. They can not only offer support and comfort, they can address the nature of your fear.

 

If you find that you cannot work out your feelings, you may want to consider some short term counseling just to figure out why you feel this way.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If you need help with a referral to counseling, I can assist you with that. You may also want to check with your doctor for a referral.

 

And if I can help any further, please let me know.

 

Kate

 

 

 

If you found your answer helpful, please click ACCEPT. I am not paid unless you accept. Thank you!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

Thanks very much for your answer which was very helpful. I gave what you said some thought and there were a number of things which rang true.

I have been particularly worried about money - myself and my boyfriend are planning to sell his place and buy somewhere new - however I have been worried about being about to my ability to get a mortgage with credit rating etc and the idea of that has been mortifying. Not having been in a good financial situation makes me feel like a bad person, although I do realise this is a bit daft. I hadn't been able to talk to Shaun about this before.

I also don't really feel settled in Brighton yet - although I very much like the town it doesn't yet feel like my home. I've moved from a very nice flat with good friends to my boyfriends (which needs a good deal of modernisation) and while I didn't think this would be a big deal, I think it has had a huge impact.

I did speak to my boyfriend about this over the weekend and he was very re-assuring and understanding, (although obviously was worried about me feeling isolated in Brighton) so I feel overall relieved.

However, the feelings of being nervous/on edge in the flat have not gone away - in that I had a number of nightmares over the weekend - do you think this would take time?

That would be good re referral.

Thanks very much

Clare
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare,

 

Yes, it could take time. You may be feeling unsettled and unsure of your financial situation and adjusting to a new move is a lot at the same time. You also have a different support system than before. All of these changes can cause you to feel upset enough to have nightmares.

 

However, if you continue to feel this way for longer than a few months, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist. The move may have triggered some repressed memories from your past that need addressed.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5452
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education