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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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My son has been on meth for many years. He is at this moment

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My son has been on meth for many years. He is at this moment in jail going through a rehab program. This has happened before. I have made many of the mistakes talked about on today's show. I don't know if he is serious about getting clean or not but I can't live with this nor do I know how to be supportive without "enabling". Anything you can help me with?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 4 years ago.

Hello there, and thanks for asking just answer. I am sorry about your son's problems with
meth. You have done the right thing to say that you will not give him money for
anything and that he has to earn his own living. I would suggest that you join Narcanon and
read about codependency. I suggest the book Codependent no more. The way to be supportive is to take care of
yourself first. Do not go out of your
way to do anything for your son that he can do for himself. Make it clear that your house is open for him
to visit and you will have a relationship with him only when he is clean and sober. Tell him that you love him so much that you
are willing to change your behavior and not enable him. I think seeking your
own therapy to deal your anxiety that your son's using drugs is causing will
also help you. You have to be willing to
close your door when he comes to visit or calls high. Tell him that you believe
that he can stay sober and clean. If he
visits high tell him to come back when he is clean and sober. It is ok to worry about what will happen to
him but do not give in to what he wants to reduce your own anxiety. This will help him hit bottom and get into a
real recovery. Your own recovery from
co-addiction and codependency will help you also. Getting a support system and going to
meetings for codependency and Narcanon meetings will give you the support
system of others who have family members addicted to drugs.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I wanted my husband to read your response. Thank you for your comments. I have looked up Narconon. It seems to be for the addict. We do not have that kind of contact with our son. But if we get the chance we will certainly tell him about it. He has just written us that he is in jail, again. That is usually when we hear from him or if he feels he is so far down he has to ask us to bail him out of something. (We don't do that anymore).
My question is, it looks like you are suggesting "meeting for codependency". How would I find such groups or are you referring to counseling?
We will follow through with the book you suggested, also.
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 4 years ago.

Hello there here is the codependency meetings web. The web can explain more on codependency and the groups are free

Those meetings are for family members of addicts. Please let me know how it goes.

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