Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I think the main issue is that you are viewing your therapist as if she is a parent or authority figure rather than someone who is there to help you. The question here is: do you feel this way because she treats you like a child or do you feel that your issues cause you to see her in the role of parent? This is important to know because it determines how you can approach the problem.
You should be able to have the choice to not complete your homework. Therapy is about what prevents you from doing the homework, not punishing you for not doing it. The reason you did not do it may be explored, but not as a right or wrong.
And sharing about the stealing is important. This is part of what is going on with you. Stealing and hoping to get caught is related to what you believe about yourself. It is a belief that you are a bad person and need punished and/or hurt. So you put yourself in situations where this is possible so you can affirm how you feel. Whether or not your therapist approves of your behavior is irrelevant. She is there to help you with any behavior that prevents you from recovery. Judgment should be left out of the situation.
It sounds like your therapist is being supportive, which is good to know. And it also helps knowing that you are interested in pleasing her because it tells you that you have an unfulfilled need to have approval. You either did not get it from your parents or caregiver or there was some other gap in your development to cause this feeling. Trying to have your therapist fill the gap by transferring your need for approval to her is good. It tells her and you that the need is there and must be addressed.
It is ok to be angry and frustrated with therapy. It is also ok to feel angry at others and at the world. It is very healthy to feel that way given what you have been through. Expressing this anger (in healthy ways) is a great way to deal with it. Your therapist is right, anger is better than sadness in your situation. Sadness, while a legitimate feeling in many situations, can also be a substitute for expressing anger. In other words, it is used to cover anger and instead of anger. It is a way of going into yourself instead of coping with the anger, which is going outside of yourself. You did not bring the anger on yourself. It is a natural part of the trauma you went through. Once you work through it, your anger will decrease and you will only feel that way when you need to feel it. But right now it feels big because you are reacting to what you went through, which was big as well.