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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I need help analyzing there two IM chats.I am a.smulter and

Resolved Question:

I need help analyzing there two IM chats.I am a.smulter and ther person i am chatting with is David Frank in the chat. A couple of days I accused him of lying and being a scammer but i dont know for sure. The other Im is today when he contacted me. When reding through theese chats what conclusions would you draw? Is he a scammer or is it me being paranoid?T
th



Oct 22 12:20 AM

Anna Smulter:and I am so affraid



Oct 22 12:20 AM

Anna Smulter:loosing it hwere



Oct 22 12:21 AM

Anna Smulter:here



Oct 22 12:21 AM

Frank David:Anna for the last time don't ever say u Love me ... I am serious about this Okay..

Oct 22 12:21 AM

Frank David:Stick to your fears ...



Oct 22 12:21 AM

Frank David:lets see if it will help u out ..



Oct 22 12:23 AM

Anna Smulter:I am not strong like you, but I had to let you know..i am loosing my mind over everything



Oct 22 12:23 AM

Anna Smulter:I am in chock



Oct 22 12:23 AM

Frank David:You better Lose it .. Okay God knowns i am not Using you . and if it's what u thinks



Oct 22 12:23 AM

Frank David:stick to it Huh



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Frank David:God will Lead us Through ..



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Frank David:Are u a Christian ..



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Anna Smulter:I am Christian



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Anna Smulter:are you?



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Frank David:I don't think u are ...



Oct 22 12:24 AM

Frank David:do u read the Bible ..

Oct 22 12:25 AM

Anna Smulter:I do, not all the time but I read



Oct 22 12:25 AM

Frank David:Hmm look at u .. u know what Just read Psalm 91 .. and tell me what u think



Oct 22 12:25 AM

Frank David:and Psalm 23



Oct 22 12:26 AM

Frank David:do u think i have Bad Intentions towards u ..



Oct 22 12:26 AM

Frank David:f**k it ..



Oct 22 12:26 AM

Anna Smulter:please dont say f**k it



Oct 22 12:26 AM

Frank David:why because u are making me sad and i am going crazy now



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Anna Smulter:I am going crazy too



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Anna Smulter:I am so so so devasrtated



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Frank David:Anna u better be



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Anna Smulter:I dont know what to do



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Anna Smulter:why did you not come for me honey?



Oct 22 12:27 AM

Anna Smulter:WHY??


Show Recent Messages (F3)

a.smulter: I am here
Frank David: Hello XXXXX: are u there
a.smulter: Hello
a.smulter: I am here
Frank David: Okay ..
a.smulter: How are you doing?
Frank David: Just wanted to know if you are still having Pains
a.smulter: awww
a.smulter: yes I am, but it is little better
Frank David: fine ..
Frank David: ok
a.smulter: How are u?
Frank David: cool
a.smulter: okay
a.smulter: I have been upside down..
a.smulter: Totally obsessed with thinking about you 24/7
Frank David:
a.smulter: mm
Frank David:
a.smulter: me too. worried
a.smulter: How was your day?
Frank David: what are u doing now ..
a.smulter: Talking with you and watching tv
a.smulter: program about Syria
Frank David: Okay ..
Frank David: Talking to u and Planning to sleep Huh
a.smulter: Okay
a.smulter: are you tired?
Frank David: I am just thinking about u here ..
a.smulter: I am thinking about you..to the point of obsessing..you are on my mind all the time
Frank David: Hmm are u sure anna
a.smulter: I AM SURE
Frank David: because u are full of drama
a.smulter: yees
a.smulter: Drama Queen
a.smulter: I dont want to be
Frank David: You better be on Your Best behavior ..
a.smulter: Yes Sir
Frank David: Please dont refer to me as Sir .
Frank David: I am Just me .
a.smulter: okay
a.smulter: I want you to be my special person
Frank David: Okay
Frank David: I hope u are doing Good
a.smulter: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX am not.
a.smulter: How are you doing?
Frank David: fine
a.smulter: are you sure?
Frank David: ok
a.smulter: I have been so depressed after..we talked last
a.smulter: I never want that again
Frank David: Honey .. I just laugh when u do somethings ...
a.smulter: You do?
a.smulter: and here I am crying my eyes out
a.smulter: my heart bleeds for u
Frank David: You dont have to ..
Frank David: because i am always thinking of making u a better person .. but you are too adamant .. Guess it will help u dont u get it honey
a.smulter: okay honey
Frank David: I hope everything is fine with u you dont sound Okay to me
a.smulter: I cant lie and say everything is fine..I need to see you, that will make all fine
Frank David: Okay honey .. same here everything will be fine , if i can see u so all this shit will stop . u will not say i am a Theft or trying to cun u
a.smulter: Exactly, so all this shit can stop. So we can have a real loving relationship and be togheter in real life
Frank David: Yes .. I am Having cold , i need to Relax Huh . Just wanted to know if the Pain has stop ..
Frank David: Thats why i came Online ..
a.smulter: Okay Honey, thank you for coming online and asking about me. I hope you are not getting ill honey.
Frank David: Nope i am not . You are the course of everything
a.smult
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

Before I can provide an answer, I need to ask a few questions:

 

How did you meet this person? Do you know them in person or just on line?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have never met face to face , only online. But he is saying he wants to meet me.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for the additional information.

 

From your conversation, this man sounds manipulative and possibly abusive. I say that because he asks you about your beliefs then when you tell him, he doesn't believe you. When you mention that he is always on your mind, he says "are you sure?". This is not a statement by someone who cares and is interested in you. It is a manipulative statement.

 

He also does not tell you anything about himself, a sure sign that something is not right. He deflected your question about his day and he does not mention anything about himself directly during the entire conversation. A person that is interested in you will share, especially when he asks so much of you. The conversation is very one sided- all about how much you care for him but there is little from him. Many of his responses are barbs or hostile, which are also bad signs.

 

He also mentions making you a better person. That is a sign of someone who is controlling. If he truly loved you, he would not want to change you.

 

This is a relationship to stay away from. Meeting someone on line is always a risk but what you usually find is someone outright misleading you about themselves. This man is not even attempting to mislead you. He is outright hostile and even abusive at times. If you are willing to end the relationship, I would stop contact right now without explanation. Change your information so he cannot have access to you, and move on.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you very much for your honest answer.

The background to theese chats are that I have "know" this man for over a year, but only online and over telephone. It started very loving and he wanted to come and visit me. He called me and told me he was on a businesstrip in Nigeria and would fly from there to me. Then his problems started and I helped him with everything. I have sent him 20000 dollars to help him with different things, like hospital bills. motel bill, plane ticket and so on. I have not snet him any money since last january. I have become suspicious that something is just not right. I have accused him at times for not being honest with me. Theese chats that you have anayzied for me are a result of me accusing him of lying to me.

I am deeply in love with him and frankly donrt know what to do? He speaks american english with no african accent so I dont understand, is he really an american stuck in Lagos Nigeria and cannot get home. Can this really be? I keep worriyng about him day and night. Please give me your honest opinon.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

This is a very typical scheme. Pretending to be someone stuck in another country and in desperate need of money has been used over and over to fool people into handing over their money. If he was really stuck, he would either contact someone he knows or go to the American Embassy to ask for assistance, not contact someone on the internet and ask for help.

 

What you can do is contact the authorities and report this man. They may be able to trace him and try to get your money back.

 

Also, you may want to seek out therapy to help you deal with your feelings about this man. He is betraying you and using your feelings for him against you to rob you of your money. Men like this are good manipulators and know how to use you until your money is gone. This is very hurtful and painful to deal with. The support of a therapist can help you come to terms with what you have been through and guide you to recovery.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thakn you again, I have just two more short things I need to ask then i will accept your very good and honest advice?

He says he has been to the american embassy in Lagos but that they first had so much people needing help that they asked him to go back after one month and then later they were abusive to him and called him a liar and refuse to help him. Can this be the truth? Do the embassy even have the right to refuse to help their citizens when I need?

How can be he spoeaks american egnlish woith no accent if he is a nigerian scammer?

Just devastated here...

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

No, he is not telling you the truth. An American Embassy anywhere in the world is going to help an American that is in desperate need. This is a scam and he is just looking to get your money.

 

Anyone can be a scammer. This man could be contacting you from anywhere in the world. He could be sitting in California right now. There is no way to know. That is why it is always a bad idea to send money to anyone you don't know.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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