Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
Before I can provide an answer, I need to ask a few questions:
How did you meet this person? Do you know them in person or just on line?
Thank you for the additional information.
From your conversation, this man sounds manipulative and possibly abusive. I say that because he asks you about your beliefs then when you tell him, he doesn't believe you. When you mention that he is always on your mind, he says "are you sure?". This is not a statement by someone who cares and is interested in you. It is a manipulative statement.
He also does not tell you anything about himself, a sure sign that something is not right. He deflected your question about his day and he does not mention anything about himself directly during the entire conversation. A person that is interested in you will share, especially when he asks so much of you. The conversation is very one sided- all about how much you care for him but there is little from him. Many of his responses are barbs or hostile, which are also bad signs.
He also mentions making you a better person. That is a sign of someone who is controlling. If he truly loved you, he would not want to change you.
This is a relationship to stay away from. Meeting someone on line is always a risk but what you usually find is someone outright misleading you about themselves. This man is not even attempting to mislead you. He is outright hostile and even abusive at times. If you are willing to end the relationship, I would stop contact right now without explanation. Change your information so he cannot have access to you, and move on.
I hope this has helped you,
Thank you very much for your honest answer.
The background to theese chats are that I have "know" this man for over a year, but only online and over telephone. It started very loving and he wanted to come and visit me. He called me and told me he was on a businesstrip in Nigeria and would fly from there to me. Then his problems started and I helped him with everything. I have sent him 20000 dollars to help him with different things, like hospital bills. motel bill, plane ticket and so on. I have not snet him any money since last january. I have become suspicious that something is just not right. I have accused him at times for not being honest with me. Theese chats that you have anayzied for me are a result of me accusing him of lying to me.
I am deeply in love with him and frankly donrt know what to do? He speaks american english with no african accent so I dont understand, is he really an american stuck in Lagos Nigeria and cannot get home. Can this really be? I keep worriyng about him day and night. Please give me your honest opinon.
This is a very typical scheme. Pretending to be someone stuck in another country and in desperate need of money has been used over and over to fool people into handing over their money. If he was really stuck, he would either contact someone he knows or go to the American Embassy to ask for assistance, not contact someone on the internet and ask for help.
What you can do is contact the authorities and report this man. They may be able to trace him and try to get your money back.
Also, you may want to seek out therapy to help you deal with your feelings about this man. He is betraying you and using your feelings for him against you to rob you of your money. Men like this are good manipulators and know how to use you until your money is gone. This is very hurtful and painful to deal with. The support of a therapist can help you come to terms with what you have been through and guide you to recovery.
Thakn you again, I have just two more short things I need to ask then i will accept your very good and honest advice?
He says he has been to the american embassy in Lagos but that they first had so much people needing help that they asked him to go back after one month and then later they were abusive to him and called him a liar and refuse to help him. Can this be the truth? Do the embassy even have the right to refuse to help their citizens when I need?
How can be he spoeaks american egnlish woith no accent if he is a nigerian scammer?
Just devastated here...
No, he is not telling you the truth. An American Embassy anywhere in the world is going to help an American that is in desperate need. This is a scam and he is just looking to get your money.
Anyone can be a scammer. This man could be contacting you from anywhere in the world. He could be sitting in California right now. There is no way to know. That is why it is always a bad idea to send money to anyone you don't know.