Hello Again Kate,
I would rather be writing to you to tell you all is well, but it turned sour not long after we last were in contact. I didn't write sooner so I could see if Patty, now my ex girlfriend, would pull the same stuff on me as always.
She did, but this time in spades.
I'll try to make a very long story short.
As it turns out about five weeks ago, Patty got in touch with me as always. I had gotten pretty much over her, but for whatever reason the temptation was too great for me and took the bait once again.
She told me that she had a new guy she was seeing, but that he wasn't like me. After a few notes back and forth, I asked her who the new guy was and she said that it was really her husband. Lie number one.
So we started to see each other. At least I started to see her. I'd drive to have lunch with her at her job and when she was having jury duty. But when I wanted to go to bed with her she found every reason in the book as an excuse.
So finally last week she and I finally had sex at a motel after approximately five weeks of being back together. In talking to her she said that she had gone back on facebook just to check it out. I grew suspicious by the way she said it and I checked into it. There was an extra guy in her friends list. As it turned out, this guy was someone she met, "the new guy", about a week before she came back to me on OKCUPID.com. We got into an argument the next day and words began to fly when she told me that she was going to continue to communicate with him and that she had given him the cell phone number of the phone that I got for her in a prepaid plan. I was paying for it and she was supposed to use it only for us. Evidently she didn't want her husband to see someone new using her other phone so she used me. I thought, when we got back together that she asked me for the phone rather abruptly, but I thought it was because she wanted to be sure to be able to call me. So lie number two.
Now when we were in a park together to meet and talk about it that was the time she told me that she was going to continue to speak to him via email or whatever. She said that the guy was just some nice guy with four children and a wife who has stress
in his marriage and he needed someone to talk to. I told her he should seek help with someone else and not her. Anyway, I took the phone as I was not about to let her use it any longer for her to speak to him as I was paying the bill and she broke up with me. Then I was so angry that I threw it in the park lake. Not done yet.
I called her just about every name in the book because I felt used and betrayed by her. I felt that if she wanted to break up with me to be with this guy, then why did she come back to me in the first place?
Anyway, the next day I spent all day apologizing to her, like a dumb ass fool, hoping we could move on from there, but she wouldn't accept my apology. She said that she wanted time to think things over. I had heard that before.
By Saturday I was going to get her another phone as the situation seem to be calming down. I was going to meet her at the park, but she told me to bring the phone and leave it under that park bench and she'd pick it up when she had time. I told her to forget it. It was obvious she didn't want to be near me.
Then all hell broke loose. Emails back and forth and her new boyfriend got involved when he wrote to me an email. He said that he would not interfere with her and I, if I was interested in staying with her. Little did I know that this bastard was manipulative and that he in fact told Patty who told me, that he thought that she should break up with me, but if she wanted to stay with me he would share her with me. I grew livid when I heard that, but funny thing is that it seemed to not bother Patty at all.
Yesterday , I told her that we should meet in the park and talk and that she should send this guy an email and tell him to back off if she wanted to be with me. I did the same, but she sent a one sentence email saying that he got my email, she is with me and not to get in touch with her again. I found out that the two of them were in constant contact with each other comparing notes about what we were saying and writing to each other and this guy, like a puppet master, was pulling all of her strings and mine too.
Obviously I got angry and threatened to blow the whole affair out of the water by going to her husband and letting him know that Patty and I had still been together even after she promised not to see me when he found out about us. I was going a bit crazy. I felt so damn betrayed by someone who I showed love to for one year and having put up with the many times she would leave me and then come back to me and all for a guy she claims that she had not been with but had been emailing. I'm sure another lie. A guy doesn't suggest that she break up with her boyfriend if all he as to her was just a friend.
There were lies coming from out of the blue as she continued to try to make me look as if I was losing it and that she wanted to leave me because, "I have been mean to her". Kate, the only time,in the past year that I was ever annoyed, was when she would leave me and come back and then leave me again. But this time I was very angry.
Anyway, this morning, I met her in the park. She was as cold as she could be and told me that she didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her and that her new boyfriend emailed her at two in the morning comparing notes again.
I felt like I had my soul ripped out of me and spit on. But I realized that you have been right all the time and that I should have stayed away from her. It's not so much that I miss her. After all, there really was not a real relationship. It was one sided. But I feel so betrayed that I began to pity her husband, who I unfortunately had done the same thing to because we were having an affair. I finally see what it means to have someone who you feel close to taken from you by another man.
What I can't understand is why she would even come back to me if she was interested in her new boyfriend? How could she turn on me so quickly, after having made love just this last Wednesday? Maybe because I put two and two together?
It seemed so unreal. I always tried to treat her as well as I could and always expressed love to her, but you know how she has been, never being able to express love.
Yet here she met this new guy, then pulls me back to her when I had been getting used to not having her near me and I was happy. And now this craziness. It's obvious that if I hadn't checked out her facebook profile I would not have known that she had another guy. She lied to me there too. She would have been seeing both of us and he would have been okay with it. It's just plain sick.
I have since placed her numbers on block. I understand that she erased my numbers from her phone. I believe that was at the direction of her new boyfriend. This guy seems to be more manipulative than she has been and Patty, for a woman who didn't want to listen to anyone, she is taking marching orders from him constantly.
Anyway, I told her to forget about me and never come back and that I felt the guy was going to be a nightmare
for her and her family based on what I observed in his emails to me and by the fact that the two of them co conspired to make me look like a fool while she broke up with me. She tried to blame me for everything that happened even though she lied constantly about everything.
I could use your opinion about all of this. Will she make another attempt to get back to me when she loses interest in this guy. What was this all about on her part and her boyfriend's part. And anything you can tell me.
I already know I could have saved myself the trouble and the sleepless nights by not having gone back with her to begin with, but I do need to understand. An eighteen year old friend who is well beyond his years in wisdom, offered me insight. He said that perhaps it was never love that I felt for Patty, but perhaps lust. I thought about it and to tell you the truth, it made sense in as much as every time Patty would ask me why I loved her, I couldn't come up with an answer.
Your opinion Kate? I feel like a disappointment to you and to myself.
I know I'm a much better person than either of them, but I feel so betrayed that it's eating at me. I wonder how she can do that to me after the year when I would buy her gifts, spend my time visiting her, talking to her on the phone when she was having trouble with her husband and family and work, and you know all the rest. I was unlike her husband who drinks heavily, etc.
I have to say, I finally think I know what her husband must feel like and you were right that if I had ever hooked up with her permanently, I would never have rested easily as she would have been on the dating sites and cheating.
Your thoughts please?