It is so frustrating when that happens. Probably for you too.
So many things seem to be happening that I am not coping so well with. But a few posts ago, I wrote you about my outburst with my daughter. You were very supportive and you have no idea how much I appreciated it when I most needed it.
That night, I called my therapist as she has given me her cell phone for emergencies. She was extremely supportive and spoke with me for about 15 minutes. She helped
me calm down and even took time for us to put together a plan for what I could do that night to feel better until i saw her again in the next couple of days.
However, when I saw there was a marked change in her attitude. She was much more firm telling me I couldn't do this again and calling it a "temper tantrum". I already felt guilty enough and told her so. I asked her if leaving feeling worse was part of the therapy process and she told me that yes sometimes it was. Her job is to help me find and learn life coping skills that will make my life easier and happier.
I wish I didn't feel so sad
all the time. Sometimes it feels like it envelopes me. I told her this and she decided to up one of my meds Symbalta to 90 mg from 60. She gave me homework to get out of the house at least once a day; have coffee with a friend, go to a bookstore, etc. Plus she wanted me to check out volunteer places thinking if I help others, I will feel better too. But all I want to do is check out during the day when my daugther is in school. I don't feel good about it, but it's the truth.
I just feel like I've hit rock bottom. She toldl me that was good because the only way to go from there is up. I don't know and to be honest, part of me doesn't even care.
She wants me to build a life up for myself. I'm really just venting because I really like her and trust her as much as I am able to trust another person. I still haven't told her about the stealing. Frankly, I am afraid to which is silly because she isn't my mother.
Well as usual, thanks for listening.