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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5508
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate, It is so frustrating when that happens. Probably for

Resolved Question:

Kate,

It is so frustrating when that happens. Probably for you too.

So many things seem to be happening that I am not coping so well with. But a few posts ago, I wrote you about my outburst with my daughter. You were very supportive and you have no idea how much I appreciated it when I most needed it.


That night, I called my therapist as she has given me her cell phone for emergencies. She was extremely supportive and spoke with me for about 15 minutes. She helped
me calm down and even took time for us to put together a plan for what I could do that night to feel better until i saw her again in the next couple of days.

However, when I saw there was a marked change in her attitude. She was much more firm telling me I couldn't do this again and calling it a "temper tantrum". I already felt guilty enough and told her so. I asked her if leaving feeling worse was part of the therapy process and she told me that yes sometimes it was. Her job is to help me find and learn life coping skills that will make my life easier and happier.

I wish I didn't feel so sad all the time. Sometimes it feels like it envelopes me. I told her this and she decided to up one of my meds Symbalta to 90 mg from 60. She gave me homework to get out of the house at least once a day; have coffee with a friend, go to a bookstore, etc. Plus she wanted me to check out volunteer places thinking if I help others, I will feel better too. But all I want to do is check out during the day when my daugther is in school. I don't feel good about it, but it's the truth.

I just feel like I've hit rock bottom. She toldl me that was good because the only way to go from there is up. I don't know and to be honest, part of me doesn't even care.


She wants me to build a life up for myself. I'm really just venting because I really like her and trust her as much as I am able to trust another person. I still haven't told her about the stealing. Frankly, I am afraid to which is silly because she isn't my mother.

Well as usual, thanks for listening.

Kathy
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Kathy,

 

I was glad to help you with the situation with your daughter. It is often hard to see something like that clearly, so having another opinion helps.

 

Your therapist gave you excellent advice when you called her. The conversation could have done without you being told you are having a temper tantrum though. That is not helpful. I think your therapist could have chose better phrasing to get her point across, maybe something more therapeutic. Making you feel bad by demeaning you doesn't help. But it is true that therapy can often make you feel worse before you get better. It is because you are digging in deep and bringing up very painful memories and feelings. But it does get better.

 

Having a person become independent is the goal of any good therapist. Therapists want to be there for others but if you create dependency with someone, you can do more harm than good. You want to teach a person how to cope while providing positive and helpful support. And that means for as long as it takes. In your case, you have suffered a lot of trauma so recovery could possibly take a while, depending on how you work on your issues.

 

I know you feel like you want to avoid life. But pushing yourself to go out and try at least one of your therapist's suggestions can go a long way in your recovery. Most of the time, it is a matter of one step and one moment at a time. Every new step is like that. But making the effort can really change your prognosis and do a world of good for your recovery.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5508
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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