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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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its pretty much a long story, My daughter was dating this guy,

Resolved Question:

its pretty much a long story, My daughter was dating this guy, which I knew right off the bat was player with the girls, was into drugs like coke and meth and who knows what else, I wanted the best for my daughter. So I hired a private investagator to follow him to see if my gut feeling was actually true. Which they were, then I ended up thru the private investagator, she knew a criminal profiler who of course lives 10 hours away from me and does his work very well and did a profile on the guy who my daughter was dating. In the very beginning, and still am..was having huge problems with my husband, No affection, at all, always putting me down, completely felt worthless, verbal abuse. I have the warmest heart ever!!! Always wanting to help people, feeling like they are honest, telling me the truth etc. So when this profiler wanted some help with money, I felt sorry for him, So,I have helped him. He texted me everything any female wants to hear. Over 8 months I helped me with $30,000.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like you have good insight and are aware that this man is using you. He sounds like a manipulator and most likely has a serious mental health problem.

 

This man has used your personal feelings about your marriage to hone in on you and take advantage of you. The best option for you is to contact the police about this man then get out of the relationship immediately. Involving the police will help you break ties to this man so you can move on.

 

Also, seeing a therapist can help you deal with your emotions from being manipulated and your recovery from your feelings for this man. Because you feel you are in love with him, you will need support to stay away from the relationship and mourn your loss. Even though this relationship was based on manipulation and pain, it is still a loss when you end it. So giving yourself time to cope with the support of a therapist is the best way to move on. To find a therapist, contact your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

 

You also need to decide how you want to handle your relationship with your husband. If you choose to continue the marriage, then counseling for the both of you is necessary. Your husband needs to stop abusing you and change how he acts in the marriage. If he is unwilling to do so, you may need to separate from him. Here is a website to help you recognize abuse and what you can do to help yourself:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

Your self esteem has taken a hit with both of these relationships. But you do not need to continue with either of them. Taking a stand or getting out and caring for yourself will help you rebuild your self esteem and therefore find healthier relationships.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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