Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you have good insight and are aware that this man is using you. He sounds like a manipulator and most likely has a serious mental health problem.
This man has used your personal feelings about your marriage to hone in on you and take advantage of you. The best option for you is to contact the police about this man then get out of the relationship immediately. Involving the police will help you break ties to this man so you can move on.
Also, seeing a therapist can help you deal with your emotions from being manipulated and your recovery from your feelings for this man. Because you feel you are in love with him, you will need support to stay away from the relationship and mourn your loss. Even though this relationship was based on manipulation and pain, it is still a loss when you end it. So giving yourself time to cope with the support of a therapist is the best way to move on. To find a therapist, contact your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
You also need to decide how you want to handle your relationship with your husband. If you choose to continue the marriage, then counseling for the both of you is necessary. Your husband needs to stop abusing you and change how he acts in the marriage. If he is unwilling to do so, you may need to separate from him. Here is a website to help you recognize abuse and what you can do to help yourself:
Your self esteem has taken a hit with both of these relationships. But you do not need to continue with either of them. Taking a stand or getting out and caring for yourself will help you rebuild your self esteem and therefore find healthier relationships.
I hope this has helped you,Kate