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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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I am a 64 year old grandmother raising my type 1 diabetic grandaughter

Resolved Question:

I am a 64 year old grandmother raising my type 1 diabetic grandaughter that is 14 years old. She is not allowed at her Dad's home and has a fair relationship with her Mother, my daughter. We have custody of her and have found out in July she has had sex with 2 different boys and found pictures of her making out with a girl. We found a nude picture of her that she had texted to a boy and also many photos of of her breasts she texted. She is never left alone and we have taken away her phone, i-pod, i-pad, but 3 weeks ago let her have her x-box live back and after seeing todays show I am very alarmed. Her grades are border line and I truly don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth, but I would also give my life for her. Our family history with our children, my only
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
Your situation sounds painful and difficult, I am sorry.

Looks like your message got cut off midway.

Would you like to add anything and do you have a question?
Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My only daughter has spent time in jail and my only neice has been in prision twice. Last night after I wrote you I walked in her room, she was playing x-box and I heard her cursing the game, I took the x-box away, I take all house phones to bed with me at night but last night I left my cell phone out on purpose-she took the bait. I caught her talking on it at 2:00am. She now has no access to the internet, only a TV left. The results of her testing put the blame on Mom and Dad, Mom has straightened up but not Dad. He will not go to counseling with her, his wife will not allow Kennedy at their home. What else can I do, her being a diabettic also plays into this alot as it is not under control. She lies about testing, eating, I constantly monitor her. It is just about to get me down, I need help with what else to do.

 

Expert:  Mark Manley replied 3 years ago.
One thing that comes to mind is to preserve your strength by choosing your battles. Her cursing her x-box in private may be one of the battles you could let go of. You need all the strength you can muster for the many other battles you are having with her. Progressively removing all privileges for misbehavior and progressively restoring them for good behavior is the tough love approach and it is effective in many cases.

Of course remember you are not looking for perfect in this case just tolerable.

The other thing that is crucial is to have a respite home for her (maybe mom's house) where you can send her so you can have a break periodically. If this is not currently in place go to all lengths to make it happen.

As you know, there are no easy fixes to this situation.

Look for support on line and in person by communicating with as many other grandparents and parents raising difficult children as you can.

Remember you are the expert in this because you have done it before.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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Mark Manley
Mark Manley
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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.