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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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Need your opinion, please...My husband and I are separated and I have filed for divorce.

Customer Question

Need your opinion, please...My husband and I are separated and I have filed for divorce. In counseling at the beginning (of the end) my counselor diagnosed Don w passive aggressive behavior. After reading on PA, I don't feel very hopeful seeking therapy in the long term, especially when Don (my hubby) refuses to recognize PA and blames all our marital problems on me....My therapist stated "if Don had a bottle you would be living with an active alcoholic". I have been in the Al Anon program for 30 years, so am familiar w behaviors that look/feel like alcoholism..
If you were a "betting" therapist, could you give me your opinion on any successful gains in recovery given the age of Don (68) and myself (60) ...? Thanks Annette
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
I would say he is not likely to change and this is why. He likely developed this defensive way of relating at a very young age in response to emotional conditions that overwhelmed his coping ability. If he hasn't touched near the root of that early pain (necessary for healing) by now, he is not likely to in the time remaining in his life. He would need to become aware of his defensive style and be willing to look at the issues from which it stems to make any progress that would make a noticeable difference in his way of relating to you and others. He does his blaming behavior habitually because he is unable or unwilling to own his stuff and deal with it. What can you do with someone who will not or can not own his stuff?
I suggest you give him up to God and let go.

Mark Manley
Mark Manley and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. I will share w my family members who are having a difficult time understanding our dilema.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
You are very welcome. Sorry it couldn't be better news.

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