I understand. I am sorry you went through such a bad time.
There are ways you can get help without having to pay a lot. Here are some that can help:
Contact your local United Way for resources in your area such as support groups and the local community mental health center. The community mental health center will see you based on a sliding fee scale. It may cost you little or nothing to go.
Domestic abuse is a horrific type of violence that is inflicted on another person in a relationship. It can be physical, emotional, verbal and/or sexual and involve controlling and anger behaviors. It damages your self esteem and feelings of being a worthy person. It also causes resentment, as you are experiencing. It also causes Post Traumatic Stress in most of the victims. Reoccuring nightmares, startle responses, trouble sleeping and a variety of other symptoms can affect the victim for years without treatment.
There are many ways to help yourself overcome what you went through and feel better. Try the resources above. Also, educate yourself on the effects of abuse. Here are some resources to help:
Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Edward S. Kubany Ph.D. ABPP and Mari McCaig M.S.W.
It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
You can find these books on Amazon.com or your local library may have them for you.
Let me know if I can help any further,