I was brought up in a family that had split values. On my father's side, hard work and effort were praised along with humility. On my mother's side, humility was a non-issue. On my mother's side, she would scorn and criticise anyone and everyone behind their backs. And she always and still does maintain a air of superiority with little to lay claim to.
At one stage of my life when I was about 10 years old, I suffered from what I'd call a breakdown. I thought I was a complete failure, in fact and that nothing I did
could ever satisfy or elicit a loving response from my mother and lesser degree father. Both where so concerned with their own lives that they could see my life was falling apart.
The break down was actually causes by 4 things. My sister bullying
me. My mother having an affair with a close family friend. This family friend's children beating the @#$#@ out of me (literally, to the point of torture) and finally a girlfriend leaving me on the playground (also involved getting her friends to kick the #@#@ out of me to take back a promise a tried to make her make).
So, the breakdown, caused me to die emotionally. I became like a robot. No feelings. I'd didn't wan't them any more. It actually went deeper than this, and to this day I struggle to come to terms with what actually happenned. But needless to say, I buried the breakdown so deep in my memory that for years I went through life with it hanging around me as a secret.
15 years later I went to varsity. Ended up doing drugs and then it all came out again. The memories of everything that had happened. First it started in images and flashes, and then the pieces started fitting together. I has taken me 10 years since then to get a clear picture of the events. Even today, I a confused as to why this episode happened to me.
Today I have ex-communicated my sister as she is still the same person. My mother is suffering from high blood pressure from a reckless lifestyle. but I am now a very successful individual, I have 3 degrees, a beautiful wife and 2 lovely child.
Why did this happen to me? It cost me my youth. And today I'm not fully recovered. What can I expect going forward.