How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I was brought up in a family that had split values. On my fathers

Customer Question

I was brought up in a family that had split values. On my father's side, hard work and effort were praised along with humility. On my mother's side, humility was a non-issue. On my mother's side, she would scorn and criticise anyone and everyone behind their backs. And she always and still does maintain a air of superiority with little to lay claim to.

At one stage of my life when I was about 10 years old, I suffered from what I'd call a breakdown. I thought I was a complete failure, in fact and that nothing I did could ever satisfy or elicit a loving response from my mother and lesser degree father. Both where so concerned with their own lives that they could see my life was falling apart.

The break down was actually causes by 4 things. My sister bullying me. My mother having an affair with a close family friend. This family friend's children beating the @#$#@ out of me (literally, to the point of torture) and finally a girlfriend leaving me on the playground (also involved getting her friends to kick the #@#@ out of me to take back a promise a tried to make her make).

So, the breakdown, caused me to die emotionally. I became like a robot. No feelings. I'd didn't wan't them any more. It actually went deeper than this, and to this day I struggle to come to terms with what actually happenned. But needless to say, I buried the breakdown so deep in my memory that for years I went through life with it hanging around me as a secret.

15 years later I went to varsity. Ended up doing drugs and then it all came out again. The memories of everything that had happened. First it started in images and flashes, and then the pieces started fitting together. I has taken me 10 years since then to get a clear picture of the events. Even today, I a confused as to why this episode happened to me.

Today I have ex-communicated my sister as she is still the same person. My mother is suffering from high blood pressure from a reckless lifestyle. but I am now a very successful individual, I have 3 degrees, a beautiful wife and 2 lovely child.

Why did this happen to me? It cost me my youth. And today I'm not fully recovered. What can I expect going forward.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like the mixed messages from your parents, the bullying, and the self centered behavior of everyone around you in childhood may have caused you to develop PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome happens when someone is exposed to trauma such as personal injury (like the bullying) and neglect and cannot find ways to cope. The overwhelming feeling of having no safety and feeling of helplessness caused you to shut down. You can also have symptoms such as feeling numb and avoidance of the situation that caused you distress. Here is a link to help you understand PTSD better and see if you feel you fit the symptoms:

 

http://helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

 

It is also possible you became very depressed and shut down your feelings. With the stress you were under and the lack of support from your family, being depressed would be a natural response.

 

The best way to deal with how you feel is to first find out if you experienced PTSD or depression (or possibly both). You can do this through self help with information from the internet and books, but the best option is to see a therapist who can do a full evaluation. You can also go to therapy to help you sort out your feelings from your childhood and how you can take what happened to you and see it in a different way. To find a therapist, talk with your doctor about a referral, or you can search on line at http://www.psychotherapy.co.za/.

 

Going forward in your life with this burden is hard, but it seems as you get older, you understand better what you experienced and how it affected you. Facing it helps, talking about it also helps. You can work on this on your own which will allow you to understand it even more. But you may want to consider support either through your wife and trusted family or a therapist. They can help you with insight and emotional support. And more understanding that you have, the less you will be affected by what happened to you.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

I hope you found your answer helpful Did you have more questions or want clarification?

 

Kate

 

 

 

 

 

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
3899 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.