Thanks for asking JA. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, or what will make you happy in life. I think the reason to go back to your husband should be because the two of you are willing to work things out but not out of guilt. I understand that you still love him but he will still be the same person and you did not like how he was stack in his career. Things that bother you about him in the past will still be an issue. I also don't know if he is willing to forgive and forget. If you go back, do it because you love him and believe that things would work out between the two of you not because you feel bad about what you did. Maybe this is the time for you to be alone for a few months. You seam very confused about with who you should be. Dr Phil has written a book called relationship rescue. Maybe finding your own happiness and seeing what you want from life and other people would help. Moving on from the guilt and worry I think is the right path for you. You need to do this before you make any other move. Seeing a therapist to work on the guilt and worry issues will help you get unstuck. I think the first thing to do is to forgive your own self. It sounds like you are punishing your own self to relieve the guilt. I would also like to know a bit more about what you mean by going back to your husband to clear the sin.