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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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Hi, All. This is the first time I ever ask help from any counselors...

Resolved Question:

Hi, All. This is the first time I ever ask help from any counselors...
I've been in a marriage for 7 years. My husband is very very good and sweet person, but the problem is that I'm much more capable than him in doing things and working. I left my country for him and moved to his country. I fought hard, found job and moved upwards in my career. But he was unemployed for 2 years, then did some "bad" job here and there.. I mean for him nothing is moving. I'm from a culture that man shoudl be the pillar of the family and I'm getting really frustrated many times to see I have the play the rold of "man" in the family.... I want to leave the country because the job market is really bad. But he needs to kae care of his parents and can't......

so I made a decision to study abroad... during my study I met another guy and didn't the worst thing I could imagine myself. I cheated on my husband and lived with another guy for 2 months until my husband found out. After he found out, we were all pain.... He still wanted me back but I didn't give him the chance to see if we can work again as a couple... So I moved on with another guy.....

I thought I would be able to enjoy life and move on, cause the new guy is really a good and capable man. He provided me manythings (most the safety feeling) so I thought would be good... I lived iwth him more than 6months now, but the deep guilty for what I did to my husband is there all the time with me, I can't really enjoy life. Whatever I do, I just wonder how is my husband now??? is he ok? what if he is suffering...? I don't believe going back will give us a bright future and every one tells me move on... But I'm so afraid I can't move on ever because of the guilt and worry...

I just wonder should I continue with the new guy? or should I go back with my husband to clean my sin?? ( I still love him) I can't imagine and still I don't know how I could do such a thing to him. We loved deeply each other, just I felt there was no future as we were not living in fantasy but a dose of reality issues.... But when I think of he is suffering, it's like killing me.. I think his life would be better if I go back, and since there is still love, the marriage may work ( if I can start accepting that I will always be stronger in the family)

should I?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for asking JA. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, or what will make you happy in life. I think the reason to go back to your husband should be because the two of you are willing to work things out but not out of guilt. I understand that you still love him but he will still be the same person and you did not like how he was stack in his career. Things that bother you about him in the past will still be an issue. I also don't know if he is willing to forgive and forget. If you go back, do it because you love him and believe that things would work out between the two of you not because you feel bad about what you did. Maybe this is the time for you to be alone for a few months. You seam very confused about with who you should be. Dr Phil has written a book called relationship rescue. Maybe finding your own happiness and seeing what you want from life and other people would help. Moving on from the guilt and worry I think is the right path for you. You need to do this before you make any other move. Seeing a therapist to work on the guilt and worry issues will help you get unstuck. I think the first thing to do is to forgive your own self. It sounds like you are punishing your own self to relieve the guilt. I would also like to know a bit more about what you mean by going back to your husband to clear the sin.

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