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You don't have to be with him. It is a choice. And since being athletic is very important to you, it is a big part of your life. Being with someone who is not athletic is a big issue for you. That is something to consider. Also, this man misled you. You went out with him based on the assumption that he had a similar outlook to yours. It is only natural that you might feel angry and upset about how he presented himself.
That said, you may want to take a look at how important his weight is to you. If you feel that you would always focus on his weight as part of your relationship, then this may not be the one for you. But if you feel it is only a part of how you feel, then it may be worth a try. You mentioned that he has so many other wonderful qualities that they may make up for his weight issues.
Also, you may want to consider that changing him is not likely. He is set in his ways. He understands enough about his weight that he chose to mislead you about it, but he may not be motivated enough to change it. Encouraging him to eat better and exercise more helps, but unless he is willing to change this himself, he will most likely stay the same.
I hope this helps,
One of the best ways to encourage him is to give up talking about losing weight. This will only shut him down and make him resistant (as you have already seen). Instead, do things together that promote healthy eating and exercise. Don't tell him that is what you are doing, just act as if it's normal.
When you spend time together, do something active instead of sedentary. Eat at places like Subway and order together to share something. Make a lot of salads for meals (if you are in charge of the food at least part of the time). Substitute foods like regular pasta with whole wheat. Sneak in vegetables into food to make meals bulkier (there are cookbooks to help you with this). Get together with friends who are active. This will get him in the frame of mind to lose weight without even trying. The idea is to do what you need to do without letting him in on it, as if it is more a lifestyle choice rather than something he must do.
When I affirmed my boyfriend's comment that he could lose about 10lbs, he said he was 10 lbs heavier than his high school weight.. which I know isn't true. He was 40+ lbs lighter and a star runner. I know he eats out of stress. Yes. It is important that my partner is healthy. He wants me healthy too. I make sure I'm attractive for him. I would hope I'm important enough to him for him to make himself important to me. Thanks for your help. Any other suggestions welcome.
Besides making suggestions to him about losing weight and trying some of the things we talked about already, there is not much else you can do. There is no way to make someone do something against their will unless they really want to do it. Everyone has a free will and they make their own choices. If your boyfriend is not motivated to care for himself then it is up to him. The only thing you can control is you and your reaction to him. If you feel that his weight is too much of an issue for you, then you can leave the relationship. If not, then you may have to just hope that he hears your concern and tries to do something about it.
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