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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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I am riding waves of depression- I dont know how else to describe

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I am riding waves of depression- I don't know how else to describe it. My mom is in a nursing facilty and every visit to her is an argument. My husband is not entirely heterosexual- a big surprise after 16 years of marriage. My job is in jeopardy due to a complaint made against me- the first in 25 years. I have no marketable skills and I financially support my family. Oh, yes. I have health issues that have knocked me on my butt and there is no diagnosis as of yet. I am in a mountain of debt. At times I just want to die. These feelings get quite strong. A friend wants me to check into an emergency mental health facility. Your opinion?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
You can't change, fix, control or heal your mother and she can't change, fix, control or heal you, when you get that viewpoint down deep, you won't have any desire or need to argue with her. If your mother invites you to feel guilty or responsible for her unhappiness, learn to not accept her invitation. If you can't get right in relation to your mother on your own seek help from a qualified therapist.

Consider having a standard of exclusivity and fidelity in your marriage that both of you agree and adhere to. If this is not possible consider an arrangement other than marriage with this person.

Most people don't loose their job for one complaint in 25 years. Maybe you will get past this one with out loosing your job. Hope for the best and avoid the temptation to dwell on the negative.

Your husband needs to collect cans or ? to help with the finances.

If you can't work your way out of your debt over time (see a debt counselor), look into bankruptcy options.

Your health is so important keep searching for answers and let go of any and all stressors that you can.
You just can't carry as much baggage as before so let go of all you can.

Yes, if you need to, avail yourself of additional support and treatment, including hospitalization if necessary.

One step at a time, and get support of all types where ever you can.

Mark Manley

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What happens when I check into a mental health emergency facility?
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
They will evaluate you and determine if you need to be hospitalized and if so what your options for hospitalization are (i.e payment issues etc.). If you are admitted you will be given rest, therapy and most likely some types of medications.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Last part of the question- a friend of mine says I am "putting my best foot forward" when I speak with my counselor and doctor and not showing them my falling apart self. She is correct in that I haven't told them I've altered dosage of my meds in order to sleep and am having involuntary muscle contractions and that I'm forgetting hour long conversations... but they have each seen me unable to finish my thoughts and wailing. Both have asked me if I intend to harm myself or if I have a plan. I wouldn't reply to one because I couldn't honestly say no but was too afraid to say yes and didn't totally believe that either. The other I simply told I didn't know. I do have access to some meds that I'm not thinking I'll use but I haven't told anyone other than you that I have the Rx either. I don't know why. However am I supposed to get admitted to a facility if when I am "up" I am not in crisis and don't need to go but when I am in a "down" phase I have the means and desire to hurt myself and am not interested in getting help? Does all this mean I'm not really a danger to myself or am in denial?!See--- I really don't want to believe I could really follow through and commit suicide. I am so confused! If I am making any sense to you at all... does this change anything you have already said? If it does not, thank you for your answer thus far and I will take what you have said to heart.
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
You need to let your doctor and counselor know ALL that is going on with you. For example you could give them a copy of what you have written me above. They need all the information to be most helpful to you. You need all their help to feel better. Getting a facility in place to receive you, if you need it, is part of your safety and treatment plan. Knowing you have a safe place to go if you become to overwhelmed or depressed can be a comfort to you as well as a safety net.

Good for you, for taking care of yourself.

Mark Manley
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