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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate Ive done something bad. I became out of control.

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I`ve done something bad. I became out of control. I was totally out of control. Several things contributed to me behaving so badly but it certainly does not give me a pass for my actions or behaviour.

I am scared to type how out of control I became. But here goes. First off, I rarely raise my voice. I almost never use obsenities. I usually can remain fairly calm with my daughter and issues and attitudes that most pre-teen girl have. I`m not a saint but I do try to set good examples for my daughter. This is why this is so difficult for me.

To make a long story short, she didn`t listen and help me with a task with her usual excuse of having to use the bathroom. Because of this the thing I needed help with bacame worse and worse. By the time she arrived I was a mess and so was the kitchen (puppy issue). I just lost it.

I constantly have to nag her to help with any tasks around the house. She borders on lazy. I just get tired of having to ask her over and over to do something.

Earlier in the day, I got not so great news from the doctor about my physical problems. Then I saw my attacker in a grocery store in my end of town where he lives no where near. This startled me and I felt sick pretty quick and left the store immediately. I also had a session with my therapist which was pretty tough and raw. Not excuses. Believe me, I know there are none for my behavior. I am the adult and needed to act like one.

We were yelling at each other and at one point she told me she hated me and said I was the worst mothet in the planet. She also said she wanted to go to her grandma`s place so I said sure and got her bag for her. She kept pushing my buttons until finally I lost it. I ripped a bunch of posters off her walls and yelled things back at her.

I took her to her grandma`s and she wound up coming back home in less than 2 hours. The problem I have is the things I did and said make me a horrid mother. I have spent the last 12 years trying to protect her from her unbalanced father (we never married, never lived together) and have given her all I have financally but more importantely with my time. But now I have ruined all I have done for so long. She is so important to me and to think that I wrecked our relationship feels so sad and painful.

Kate, what have I done. I know I need to be punished but cutting doesn`t seem like the answer as she is smart and I don`t want her figuring out that I`m a cutter. I apologized and will replace what I ripped up but it`s my temper that has never come out before. She is the most important person in my lifel. I feel about sick and unforgiving about it.

Any thoughts.




It sounds like you felt very overwhelmed and you were not able to vent as you needed to. The situation with your daughter became the last straw and you broke down. It happens to everyone. So feeling bad about it is ok, but realize that everyone has their breaking point and that this is normal.


When you look at what happened to you leading up to you lashing out, there is a very clear pattern of very stressful incidents occurring all at the same time. You had a stressful session with your therapist, you had bad news from your doctor, then you saw your attacker in a place you did not expect. These are tough individually to deal with but to have them happen all together is extremely stressful. Couple that with no place to vent your feelings and you have your outburst.


First, realize that you are human. It happens like this to everyone. Then do what you can to repair it. You already apologized, which is great. Talking to your daughter about what happened (screening out the most traumatizing parts) is a good option too. The more she understands why you felt the way you did, the better. Then allow yourself to let it go. Your daughter was raised by a loving mother who has done a fantastic job being a single parent in a very difficult situation. Your daughter is just fine. She understands and will forgive you. Allow yourself to make mistakes and give yourself permission to be like everyone else who has done this too.



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