How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Kate Ive done something bad. I became out of control.

Resolved Question:

Kate:

I`ve done something bad. I became out of control. I was totally out of control. Several things contributed to me behaving so badly but it certainly does not give me a pass for my actions or behaviour.

I am scared to type how out of control I became. But here goes. First off, I rarely raise my voice. I almost never use obsenities. I usually can remain fairly calm with my daughter and issues and attitudes that most pre-teen girl have. I`m not a saint but I do try to set good examples for my daughter. This is why this is so difficult for me.

To make a long story short, she didn`t listen and help me with a task with her usual excuse of having to use the bathroom. Because of this the thing I needed help with bacame worse and worse. By the time she arrived I was a mess and so was the kitchen (puppy issue). I just lost it.

I constantly have to nag her to help with any tasks around the house. She borders on lazy. I just get tired of having to ask her over and over to do something.

Earlier in the day, I got not so great news from the doctor about my physical problems. Then I saw my attacker in a grocery store in my end of town where he lives no where near. This startled me and I felt sick pretty quick and left the store immediately. I also had a session with my therapist which was pretty tough and raw. Not excuses. Believe me, I know there are none for my behavior. I am the adult and needed to act like one.

We were yelling at each other and at one point she told me she hated me and said I was the worst mothet in the planet. She also said she wanted to go to her grandma`s place so I said sure and got her bag for her. She kept pushing my buttons until finally I lost it. I ripped a bunch of posters off her walls and yelled things back at her.

I took her to her grandma`s and she wound up coming back home in less than 2 hours. The problem I have is the things I did and said make me a horrid mother. I have spent the last 12 years trying to protect her from her unbalanced father (we never married, never lived together) and have given her all I have financally but more importantely with my time. But now I have ruined all I have done for so long. She is so important to me and to think that I wrecked our relationship feels so sad and painful.

Kate, what have I done. I know I need to be punished but cutting doesn`t seem like the answer as she is smart and I don`t want her figuring out that I`m a cutter. I apologized and will replace what I ripped up but it`s my temper that has never come out before. She is the most important person in my lifel. I feel about sick and unforgiving about it.

Any thoughts.

Kathy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Kathy,

 

It sounds like you felt very overwhelmed and you were not able to vent as you needed to. The situation with your daughter became the last straw and you broke down. It happens to everyone. So feeling bad about it is ok, but realize that everyone has their breaking point and that this is normal.

 

When you look at what happened to you leading up to you lashing out, there is a very clear pattern of very stressful incidents occurring all at the same time. You had a stressful session with your therapist, you had bad news from your doctor, then you saw your attacker in a place you did not expect. These are tough individually to deal with but to have them happen all together is extremely stressful. Couple that with no place to vent your feelings and you have your outburst.

 

First, realize that you are human. It happens like this to everyone. Then do what you can to repair it. You already apologized, which is great. Talking to your daughter about what happened (screening out the most traumatizing parts) is a good option too. The more she understands why you felt the way you did, the better. Then allow yourself to let it go. Your daughter was raised by a loving mother who has done a fantastic job being a single parent in a very difficult situation. Your daughter is just fine. She understands and will forgive you. Allow yourself to make mistakes and give yourself permission to be like everyone else who has done this too.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions