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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and I honestly

Customer Question

I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and I honestly feel like I'm not fully satisfying him in bed. We've been dating exclusively for about 4 months now but we have been on and off for almost 2 years.
He has told me that while he loves me and cares about me and he wants to get married because I'm the one person he's ever felt this way for and I've been such a big impact on his life, he isn't sexually attracted to me like he is other women and he doesnt think that I will fully satisfy him because of his sex drive. In the past he was, to put it the best way I can, a man whore. He has had 30+ sexual partners while I have had 5 sexual partners. He has said that he prefers "wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am" and he feels that sex is more fun/better that way.
I feel like I'm still learning about myself sexually and about him sexually too, which I believe is a good thing because we are always evolving emotionally, sexually, physically, ect. I'm giving him all of me, both emotional and physical, and I really want him to do the same. He is working hard on his sex drive (if that makes any sense to you). I was wondering if you have any suggestions or tips for me, him, or both of us? To help me better satisfy him and for him not wanting to be as man whore-ish?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

Your boyfriend is very immature and is engaging in risky behavior that could get you a lifetime STD (sexually transmitted disorder) or even a fatal one.

If he says that you do not satisfy him, then you will NEVER have a good marriage or relationship, and he will always go out on you.

He wants to conquer women and get an orgasm instead of a loving, sharing, mutually satisfying one. He should want to please YOU, and he doesn't. I would ot be surprised if he is addicted to pornography, because many man who are addicted act like this man does.

You have been on and off with him for two years, and you will be on and off with him for as long as you are involved with him. You are the old reliable one, but not enough for him, because he is immature and does not have the maturity or sense of committment to focus all of his love on you.

There is one way that you could possible save this relationship. You must find a marriage and family therapist that you trust, and both attend some sessions with her/him and let a professional third party help you see this through (which might change his behavior or might show you the futility of hoping for change).

The issue here seems to be whether or not you will accept this relationship as it is. If he doesn't wake up and change, or develop a full committment to you, then this relationship will fail.

If he won't go to counseling with you, then I advise that you go by yourself. You will learn a lot about this relationship. It might not help you save it, but it might help you to decide to seek something better. If you are not his precious one, then you are not enough in his eyes. You need someone who cares for you completely and exclusively.

Be strong and don't accept less than you deserve and are worth.

Warm regards,
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC