Hi There, About two weeks ago, I had a panic
attack in my Master's seminar when the word 'indoctrination' was mentioned. After that day, I spent two mornings worry about mind control, conspiracy theories etc and felt panicked that I might believe them. I went to a drop-in counselor at my University and was told it sounded like excessive rumination. After, I felt better (and am no longer concerned by these in the least), but suddenly, similar thoughts returned and have caused me to become rather incapacitated -- I haven't been able to work or go to school for the course of the week. While I am no longer concerned about mind control etc, I seem to be questioning reality - everything from whether I exist, or what is life, or what if there really is a matrix? I know these thoughts in part seem illogical, but because I have been thinking them so much, they sometimes seem logical or real -- this scares me. I can't seem to stop thinking them and I can't concentrate. I am worried I might be developing psychosis
. Conversely, I am concerned these thoughts/doubts will never go away and I wont be able to live my life as before.
Consequently, I feel quite hopeless at the moment. I have been able to shower and eat (thought I've lost weight) and my friends haven't seemed to noticed a change in the way I talk, walk etc. (except my two friends who I am sharing my worries with because this is all I seem to talk about, but they both don't seem overly concerned) I am looking for any answers. I was diagnosed with severe-moderate/ borderline severe depression last week and started taking anti-depressants three days ago.
Will this end?! Is this normal? I'm just looking for hope and an explanation -- and feel like my appointment with my therapist is too far away.